Where Emma's last name becomes a bit too literal
by LisaAbiona15
Summary: Season six divergence. When the Evil Queen returns, Emma is unfortunate to find out about it first and fall victim to the queen's magic. The queen who keeps returning to her each day, not just taunting her but also showing a side she never expected the 'worst part' of Regina to have... Will have SQ, Swan mills family, Swan Mills Charming family.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own OUAT**

" Emma.. _Swan_ ". The queen chuckled cruelly, her grip slightly loosening so that her fingers were more caressing Emma's cheek than digging into them like they had been. From anyone else, the gesture would've been loving. From the queen, it was.. well she did not know what the Hell it was, but she did not think it was _loving._

The queen took a step back and the look in her eyes made Emma focus with all her might on her magic. She could feel it against whatever spell9?) the Queen had woven in order to knock her out and freeze her. _Magic is about emotion_ she heard Regina's voice in her head , prompting her to focus on the first time Henry and she had really connected , on that easy smile he had given her. On the first time she had _not_ felt angry at her parents- we would have been together- at all, just happy that they were there. On..

Regina. Regina and _our son._ Regina and _no, but I can give you one._ Regina and _thank you for trying Miss Swan._ Regina and gentle eyes, Regina and her love for Henry, Regina and a fierce protectiveness, Regina who would die for their son even if she did not remember them, Regina Regina Regina.

The spell was blast apart right when the Queen came at her with a foul-smelling potion. When Emma took on a fighting stance, she merely smiled. " What are you going to do Em-ma? ".

Emma twitched at how she _almost_ sounded like Regina. But not enough. " Stop you".

" Hurt me … and you hurt _her_ ".

Emma shook her head, summoned her gun. " You are lying"

" I am a part of her. Regina is me and I am Regina. A serum won't change who we are, Emma".

Emma hesitated. What if she was telling the truth? She did not even want to hurt this foul, murder-happy version of Regina, let alone the Regina of family evenings and gentle sarcasm and-

Emma staggered back as the Queen threw the potion at her fight. Fired. Had enough time to think _REGINA NO._ Felt a horrible lurching of her gut that just seemed a mix of anger and pain and desperation ( I hit Regina , I hurt her, I ki- ) before she staggered and realized it was not that at all.

She barely managed to raise her head- it was so heavy suddenly- and got a glimpse of dark eyes and heavy make-up as the room started to spin and tilt (or did she?). The Queen's laugh was hollow and cruel. " Let's see whether Snow and Charming truly are so good at finding their family".

Then the Queen turned into a giant. Or that is what it looked like to Emma's blurry vision: the Queen stretching and getting bigger like they were in a house of mirrors, like they were in Alice's wonderland or there was another giant but just with Regina's-

Hands on her face and a deep voice was the last she heard before the world disappeared.

—

Funnily enough, Emma had never been fond of Swans. They might have been really beautiful and gentle-looking, but Emma knew better. A group of bullies had once thrown one of the few belongings she had in a pond and she had hardly thought about the swans that were gliding on the water not far from where the toy had landed. She had just wanted her toy and not really cared. Until the crazy birds came at her with flapping wings and the most horrifying, terrifying battle cry she had ever heard. She had stumbled from the pond screaming , crying and bruised.

So yeah, she was less than pleased when she woke and she was _surrounded by swans._

Which okay, she should probably be glad that the Queen did not do something especially psychopath-y like crushing her heart – or worse, controlling her with it. But that was probably just because she _couldn't_ and Emma was still in the middle of a small army of swans.

Could all versions of Regina _please_ stop sending her off to almost- certain death? Because it seriously sucked.

 _Don't make eye contact. You are three times as big as these things. You have magic. You could make a nice dinner out of them if you wanted to. Which you don't because yuck but-_

Then Emma nearly drowned because she tried to swim and there were wings around her and that horrifying flapping sound she had heard in her dreams for months after these things had attacked her and –

She stared down at herself. Or more specifically, the part of herself that should be arms and hands and fingers and was instead all wings. She craned her neck, stared at the white feathers. Right in the middle of the near- panic attack that followed _that ,_ she was hit on the head by a piece of bread.

" I think I like you better like this" the version of Regina that was still a total asshole remarked. She threw bread again. Emma made a honking sound that made her simultaneously embarrassed, angry and scared. " I am sure you said something very offensive".

The Queen stood up. Emma clumsily tried to float towards her, but managed to get the exact wrong way as well as getting her head underwater somehow. She glared as the queen smirked. Flapped her wings awkwardly in order to get closer to that woman and –

 _Damn._

Regina 2.0 (or was that technically 1.0 because this Regina existed before Emm- eh current Regina) summoned a fireball, then another. " Careful dear or I will have roasted Swan tonight". She licked her lips, almost obscenely and gave Emma a look that should not have been- well. " And believe it or not, but I might actually prefer you alive".

Emma gave her a 'yeah right lady' look that was obviously deciphered correctly, for the response was 'you are much more valuable alive. And no matter how much I would like.. " The Queen smiled in a way that made Emma have a flashback to when she had attacked Regina's precious apple tree. " A _taste_ of you.. I am not going to touch you".

She smirked. " For now".

The queen calmly put out her fireballs as Emma flapped and honked and tried to get closer to the infuriating woman. Dark eyes glittered with amusement and made her seem more like Regina, right after Emma had stumbled over her own feet trying to catch Pongo. Or something.

Emma was just reaching the edge of the pond (and ridiculously proud of it) when the infuriating woman flicked away imaginary dirt and Emma was pushed backwards by magic. The glare she gave could have made a volcanic eruption feel cold in comparism.

" Quite impressive. You are still not getting away from me however". She let Emma stumble from the pond, then waggle towards her and nearly fall. Right when Emma was about to lunge she disappeared amidst purple smoke and chuckles.

"Until next time…

" _Swan_ ".


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own OUAT. And for people who asked: if I get inspiration or someone gives me an idea or whatever, then I will continue older stories like Aphrodite Business ; )**

So, it turns out being a swan is basically the worst. The other swans are assholes that attempt to attack Emma if she gets too close (accidentally, because she actually does value her life a little bit) , the only thing swans eat are apparently roots/ plants – all things that still taste horribly - and Emma definitely isn't a herbivore. In fact, she is almost starving before she finally starts watching the other swans to find out which food she can eat without accidentally poisoning herself.

Oddly enough, the only thing that makes it bearable is the Queen's visits.

Her visits are irregular, sometimes several times a day, sometimes not for days. Sometimes she shows up when it is starting to get dark and startles Emma by appearing near the water really suddenly. Sometimes it is really early, when the sun is ironically creating a halo behind the queen.

She throws bread and taunts and smiles with all her teeth. Sometimes, she summons a mirror and forces Emma to look – "I will hurt them if you don't, dear- at anything. It can be something mundane like people eating at Granny's , but it is her family far more often.

The queen delights in showing her Snow, Snow who is sending the dwarves on wild goose hunts and asking Belle whether she knows anything who could have done this and needs to be forced to go to sleep. She is still assuring everyone that they will find Emma, but it is obvious that she is hurting and afraid.

All of this should hurt Emma and it does. She hates seeing her family in pain and hates it being because of her even more. She gets angry and goes for the queen, mostly because she knows she won't really be able to hurt her anyways.

But sometimes it isn't that horrible.

Like the time that the other swans were bullying two birds building a nest and Emma had tried to protect the poor birds. So stupidly she had tried to chase the kind of evil (seriously these swans took far too much pleasure in ruining the nest over and over again) swans. The herd of swans had really not appreciated her ruining their funny game.

So she had to flee, clumsily slapping with her wings to get away from the furious swans and their demented honking had been awful . Then a fireball had flown past her and hissed as it hit the water. While the queen had thrown fireball after fireball to apparently protect Emma, she had taken the opportunity to rush to the shore.

And it had been stupid, because slaying dragons and being face-to-face with ogres was pretty much in her job description but she had reached for dry land a little bit desperately. She had pretty much just been making water splash everywhere in her slight panic and then-

Warm hands had grabbed her and hoisted her from the water. "Calm down, you idiot" the queen had said and she had sounded exactly like Regina so Emma had been able to blissfully relax (and throw the queen a glare, because she was certainly not an idiot)

And yes, moments like that had been far and few in between (also, the queen had dropped her in the water not long after that, which was basically like falling from a building) but still. They were a lot better than daydreaming about hamburgers and avoiding swans that were really getting too close to her.

There were a few moments the queen was sassy and dry but in an almost teasing and friendly way that made Emma unable to think about anything but Regina. It made her head hurt, because how much of the queen was Regina and how much of Regina was the queen?

Honestly, at certain moments she could almost forgot Regina and the queen weren't the same.

Right now, she forgot a little.

Among the many swans Emma loathed, there was one she loathed especially. The others were bullies that wouldn't leave other, small birds alone but this one was worse. It kept circling her, getting closer whenever she wasn't paying attention

Freaky sneaking bastard.

Even if she clumsily swam away from it, or even tried to hit it, it persisted. It would get closer and closer to her and then the freaking thing would do this weird move where it pulled its head underwater and then preening.

At first, it had been kind of funny. Now, after like weeks of this she was really getting tired of this weird swan that kept bothering her. Once again, it was doing its swimming-around-you-creepily thing, closing and closing in on her even if she swam away again and again.

She finally stopped and flapped her wings, hoping it would scare the swan like the other swans doing it scared her. It just lingered and kept closer. She swam away again, but she had still not really gotten the hang of that so-

There was a low chuckle. When Emma glanced to her right, the queen was standing by the shore with a really pretty- _shut up brain_ \- smile on her face. She seemed almost happy today. " Are you having fun with your little friend?".

Emma flapped her wings again when the swan in question approached her. _How do I get this thing to leave me alone?_

The queen actually laughs when the swan starts to do the head-dipping-preening thing again. She keeps laughing and Emma swims towards her to see what the Hell she is so amusing. She sits down next to the queen, who stares down at the muddy earth with distaste before summoning a blanket and sitting down gently.

She turns and twists the mirror in her hands and Emma looks almost longingly at the pond, because she really does not want to see her family hurt. Again. But she cannot stop herself from watching when the queen summons an image either.

It is Regina. She is in her vault, books scattered around them and empty flasks on the ground. There is also glass on the ground – Jesus, what if Regina cuts herself- which makes Emma think fondly of Regina's look when they were making that memory potion.

Regina herself has looks furious and frustrated as she throws a book down on a pile of them.

" Useless. All useless!"

There are bags under her eyes that the make-up cannot fully hide and Emma really wants to be there and like crack a joke about her vault being a mess. Anything to make her smile, because she looks like she hasn't in days.

Then are footsteps and a voice that makes Emma want to reach through the damn mirror even more. " Mom? "

And there is Henry and gods he is such a great kid, because he is carrying a take-out bag from Granny's that no doubt has Regina's favourite. Regina immediately relaxes a bit and smiles even as she scolds him.

" Henry. You know I do not want you to be in my vault".

" Yeah, I know. Dangerous magical artefacts and dead people".

He smiles at her and Emma feels horrible, because that is not his usually easy grin. He looks tired and kind of scared as well. Regina obviously also notices, because she rushes towards him and hugs him.

"We will find her Henry" she promises.

He pulls back after a while, takes a salad and a burger – that has Regina frown but keep silent- and walks towards the small table that is invisible beneath powders and flasks and pages and things that could be anything. He starts to clean a bit, after handing Regina her salad.

" I know we will. It is kind of our family's thing isn't it?" Emma cannot see his face anymore as he tries to make space on the table, but there is something funny about his voice. It sounds wrong somehow.

Regina seems to know more than she does (always better at being a mom and that thought makes it feel like she in a too-wild rollercoaster) because she just sighs knowingly. She waves her hand and there is suddenly another small table and two comfortable chairs.

Henry just stands there, not turning around or anything and Emma feels her feathers start to ruffle, feels a kind of fury she has not felt since she was a teenager in a system that was always messing her up. Her kid should not feel so obviously wrong. And she should not be so unable to help him!

Only a bit of that helpless fury leaves at Regina gently grabbing Henry's shoulders and turning him around. It all gets much worse when she realizes Henry is _crying_ though.

The only thing that makes this even the slightest bit bearable is how right Regina reacts, how she just hugs Henry and rubs his back as he trembles. How she can obviously make him feel better.

He pulls back after a long time and Regina wipes at his tears. "I just don't understand " he says, biting at his lip. " It has been weeks. We have questioned everyone and searched everywhere and you've used all your spells- why can't we find her? "

" I don't know Henry. Perhaps- ".

" I know what you think! Perhaps someone is hiding her, or perhaps she has been taken out of the city. But I have been over this, again and again and- ". His voice breaks and he looks really indecisive for a moment. " the obvious conclusion would be she _left_ ".

Emma feels like that time the football star punched her into her gut after she called him names. Like she has internal bleeding after that one guy turned out to be a little more dangerous than she had thought.

 _Henry thinks I would leave him?_

" Oh no, Henry she wouldn't. She would never leave you, darling" Regina insists and she sounds so sure. And of course she would be, because Regina loves Henry more than anything. She could never imagine anyone leaving him.

" Emma might have her flaws , but she would never leave u- her family" . Regina touches Henry's chin gently. " She has stayed in this town for you Henry".

" I guess she did".

"We _will_ figure this out Henry".

" Thanks mom".

" You are welcome sweetheart. Are you feeling better now?".

" Yes, I think so. It is just weird that we have not found a sign of her. It almost seemed the only thing that made sense".

Henry and Regina both sit down. They eat in silence for a while and Emma wants to laugh at how Henry kind of has picked up all of Regina's eating habits, even when eating a greasy hamburger.

"You know, grandma- " Henry says and Emma wants to grin even more, because there is still a bit of hamburger in his mouth. Obviously he is not completely like Regina

" First chewing, then talking" Regina gently chides.

Henry rolls his eyes, but obeys. " Grandma is worried about you. You sleep even less than her".

" That is not-".

" I can hear you sneak downstairs mom, you really aren't as quiet as you would like".

" Henry- ".

" She is right. You really do sleep and eat too little, mom. You are constantly locking yourself here and if you're not here, you are in your office or searching around town or at town hall. I want to find Emma as badly as you do, but- ".

" Henry, I am fine. You really have no reason to be concerned".

" Mom! Stop lying".

Regina sighs, looks away. " Snow should not talk about these things with you".

" Well, you kind of left her no choice. I am pretty sure she has attempted everything apart from abducting you to get you away from this vault".

Regina snorts. " That is.. accurate actually. She _has_ been pestering me a lot" and she obviously tries to be all disdainful and annoyed, but it really comes off more as exasperated fondness.

" So I have been sent instead".

" I cannot believe your _grandmother_ is using you like this".

" I would have come to you with salad anyways" Henry grins. " Now I just have leverage".

Regina narrows her eyes at the look Henry throws her. " Henry…".

" Your choice mom: leave the vault with me or spend all afternoon here with Snow who wants to talk about selfcare".

The image vanishes when Regina reacts pretty dramatically and Henry starts laughing. Which leaves Emma chest light and glowing.

Both she and the queen are silent for a while and it are very different silences. Emma is calm, thinking about how relieved she is Henry is with Regina. And how proud she is of him. The queen, on the other hand, kind of snarls and clutches the mirror too tightly.

Then she suddenly smiles and it is the kind of smile that makes Emma's feathers flatten. The whole atmosphere seems far more stifling all of a sudden, so much that she wouldn't be surprised if thunder suddenly struck or some other weird horror movie thing.

" He treats her well, now that she _seems_ like the hero he wants her to be. So she is happy". Her eyes harden and her voice freezes over. " but she does not deserve it".

And without saying another words, the evil queen vanishes in a puff of smoke and leaves-

Emma desperately attempting to escape the pond to _warn Regina, tell her to watch out, protect her_ because she is sure it is more necessary than ever.

(but the enchantment holds and she cannot go anywhere)

Emma is still trying to get away from the pond, or at least get her usual form back when it happens. She hears their voices before she sees them and for a moment, she thinks she is just imagining things again. That she just wants it really badly.

But then she actually _sees_ them.

Close together, Henry talking and Regina just listening and sometimes laughing softly. She still looks a little sad, but it is far more muted and Emma can see her hiding it whenever Henry looks at her. There is a bag of bread in Henry's hand and that's when Emma feels like she has won the lottery.

 _They are coming towards me, this is my chance._

She clumsily swims to the shore, wanting to be close closer as fast as possible. She forgets what she is for a moment and screams their names, then feels her heart drop into her stomach when all she hears is the horrid sound swans make.

It does get their attention though, so that is good?

Henry and Regina stop at the shore and Emma feels kind of insulted when Regina snorts- obviously because of how Emma manages to scramble into the patch of grass in front of the pond. _I would like to see you move gracefully with these wings, your majesty_

(Damn it, Regina probably would actually be graceful). Emma is so happy to see them that she sort of jumps – waggles, but she is never going to admit that- at them and deflates when Regina pulls Henry back suddenly.

" Mom, why-".

" Swans may be beautiful Henry, but they are also vicious".

Henry laughs and pushes her hand away. " It is not attempting to hurt me. It is probably just hungry".

 _Nah, 'it' is actually trying to make the 1000_ _th_ _wacko thing in this town not a complete disaster._

Henry carefully approaches her with Regina watching all momma-bear like (Emma even recognizes the thing she does with her hands seconds before she throws fireballs) as he opens the bag and holds a piece of bread in front of her.

Regina rushes forward " Henry, throw that on the ground and not- ".

She trails of when Emma takes the bread extremely carefully, bending her head slowly and making sure not to even touch Henry's hand.

"… like that".

Henry grins. " See? It is totally okay".

" I have never seen a swan behave like this. They usually do not approach unless they feel threatened and I don't think I have ever seen one come to the shore for bread".

Henry shrugs. "So? She is just different".

The way Regina studies her, makes Emma straighten a bit and puff her feathers before she notes what she is doing. Talk about embarrassing. " Special. She does seem special, yes" Regina ponders and Emma cannot control her feathers, damn it.

Regina allows Henry to admire Emma for a few moments, letting him give pieces of bread to Emma and talk to her and study her. She draws the line at touching however.

" Henry, you are not going to touch her. She could have parasites- ".

 _Hey! I do NOT._

".. or hurt you. They are dangerous birds, even without them being able to break arms"

" I am pretty sure she would let me ".

" I am not taking the risk, come here".

Henry looks a little chagrined, but straightens and walks over to Regina. They walk towards what had apparently been their original destination: the small group of ducks only a couple of metres further.

Emma quickly jumps in the pond and follows them again, makes her magic jump and jump and jump in an effort to at least get her voice back. It all feels kind of awful, but she needs to talk to Regina!

 _REGINA HENRY, IT IS ME._

She tries so hard that she can feel her strength fading rapidly, but she only manages those awful sounds. Henry looks back and pulls at his mother's sleeve. He points at Emma, who is circling in the water and screaming loudly and still trying to make her magic work (even if they probably cannot see that, but _maybe Regina can feel it_ )

" is she hurt?".

" I don't think so. Perhaps she just wants more bread".

" No. Something is wrong". Henry sounds really worried as he starts to walk towards her and Emma quickly swims towards him. She widens her eyes, like he will see the green colour and immediately recognize her.

 _Come on kid, come on. Don't you recognize me?_

Henry leans forward and scrunches, and her smart kid definitely looks suspicious and thoughtful. He even starts to reach for her and she lets him, thinking this is it and-

Regina pulls him back.

" Mom!"

"It is dangerous Henry".

" She is hurt".

" She does not have any injuries Henry".

" No, but- she sounded hurt" . Henry hesitates, looks at Emma again. " Can we not take her to the animal shelter or something? Let someone have a look at her".

Regina sighs. Emma bends her head, already sure she is going to refuse but then- Regina actually looks at her and looks thoughtful. Emma doesn't dare to move as she is scrutinized and there is not exactly recognition in Regina's eyes, but something close to it.

" I do agree it is peculiar, but I am not going to risk you hurting yourself. So your grandfather and I will take a look at her tomorrow. You can watch. _From a distance_ ".

" Okay. But – ".

" Tomorrow Henry".

Henry hesitates, but then nods. " Tomorrow".

He glances over his shoulder as Regina and he walk towards the duck. Emma has stopped screaming as furiously as before, too exhausted, but still follows them and lets out the occasional shout. She knows she cannot go with them or she would just follow them home.

She wants to follow them so badly. Wants to be close to them and protect them. Needs them to be safe. But she only shouts one last time, sad and almost quietly as they walk away.

It is only when she is nearly blacking out from the effort that she stops fighting the magic, or forcing her own. She searches for a semi-warm and semi-comfortable spot to rest, too tired. Her eyes slowly start to close.

 _Tomorrow. Tomorrow. To- .. mor- row._


	3. Chapter 3

**I don't own OUAT.**

 **I have been seriously ill (fever, coughing, nausea, et cetera) these past days and am still not feeling well but I was hellbent on finishing this. Didn't proofread or anything, but that will come when I feel 100% better.**

 **I hope you enjoy!**

It is familiar voices that wakes Emma from a half-sleep, something that has been the norm these past weeks ( and she doesn't even know whether that is normal for swans or whether it is just how riled up she is)

She forces her eyes open , clumsily pushing her body towards the sound. She feels her feathers puff again when she sees Henry at the shore, Regina inches behind him and looking like she needs Herculean strength to keep herself from pulling him back.

" Are you sure this will work?" . It's Dav-dad's voice and this might be the happiest she has ever been to hear it.

Her wings make a lot of noise as she inexpertly swims towards them. She feels like cursing when it takes forever and her heart is beating far too fast – her thoughts all _what if they leave what if they don't understand what if_ \- until finally, she bumps into Henry's hand. Regina's hands are immediately on his shoulders, but the look in her eyes disappears when Emma sort of awkwardly headbutts Henry's hand in apology.

Henry just laughs ( Emma's eyes are still on Regina so she sees relief and adoration) " Grandpa! She is here".

David comes to the shore, kneeling down next to Henry. Emma feels that by now familiar pain when she sees the bags beneath his eyes, the exhaustion in his eyes, the slight weight he has lost. Still, he gives her a genuine smile. " Hi girl" he mutters.

He slowly slides into the water - "David!" she hears Regina hiss- and towards her. She doesn't move as he gently grabs her and leaves the pond. Henry immediately gets to his feet and reaches for her, Regina still hovering behind him. " Henry- ".

" It is fine mom, really" he says, and he reaches out for Emma. She normally would want to shy away – _I am not a freaking pet Henry_ \- but this is her son and she has missed him, so so much these past weeks. Seeing him through a mirror isn't enough.

Emma's heart had just been acting normal again when Regina decides this particular swan is apparently not a murder machine and joins them. To make it worse, Henry thinks it smart to grab his mother's hand and basically force her to pet Emma.

Emma glares at the feathers that immediately fluff up. _Little traitors._

When Henry releases Regina, she just keeps carefully stroking, all the while studying Emma with keen eyes. Emma is close enough that she can see that the mascara isn't as meticulously applied as normal and that there are bags hiding beneath her make-up.

" So what do you want me to do with this girl?" David suddenly asks and Emma opens her eyes – when had she closed them anyways? – when Regina stops very carefully stroking her feathers. _Oh no. Not the shelter_ .

" We can take her home" Henry offers and immediately turns his best pout on Regina. Good to know that her son us on her side. Of course, Regina is not that easily convinced.

" Henry I don't know whether that is a good idea- '.

" Of course it is! We can take care of her and we can figure out what is wrong. She has already proven that she is not going to attack us".

" Just because she has yet to attack us, does not mean she _won't_ ".

Regina has that hard, no-arguments voice and the fierce look that means she won't bend, even if it causes Henry to be very cross with her and Henry himself looks stubborn in a way that spells trouble, so Emma nudges her with her beak. She tries to say something along the lines of 'I won't ever hurt Henry' but of course all that comes out is a horrid kind of trumpeting noise. Of course.

Still, maybe Regina understands because she softens. Sighs. " She will stay in the garden and – Henry!" she warns, but she is laughing as Henry hugs her tightly. Emma wiggles in her dad's arms, trying to get closer to one of their family hugs. She is rewarded when dad slings an arm over Henry.

That is when Regina notes Emma close to her and pulls back, barking out " David!" while he just laughs and winks and Henry is laughing as well and Regina is scowling but her eyes are gentle and- dang her family is amazing.

" Do that again, and I will throw a fireball at the both of you" Regina warns, but they all know it is an empty threat. Henry just snorts and says " of course mom" while David laughs and squeezes her arm briefly.

Emma is just feeling like invisible chains have opened, burdens have been lifted, et cetera when they actually try to get her away from the pond. And she _screams_

It is dropping hot water on yourself, cutting your hand on a knife, running into a wall, every single time she has been injured. She is vaguely aware she is acting crazy, flapping her wings and honking and whatallnot, but it all hurts too much to care.

She falls on the ground and keeps flapping, screaming as the pain doesn't disappear. She manages to crawl towards the shore and every centimetre, there is less pain. By the time her head hits the last bit of earth before the water, there is only an echo of it but she is shivering terribly.

"HENRY" Emma manages to lift her head and sees the following in the corners of her eyesight; Henry running towards her- hair a mess and dirt in his face but that's all- while Regina grabs him and pulls him against her. He struggles and manages to get free before David – shit he has a gash- manages to get to him.

Then there is a soft hand on her head and her kid's familiar voice soothing her nerves. "Calm down, we are only helping okay?".

And then- before the running bodies that Emma can hear have reached them- Henry picks her up and cradles her close to him. He keeps muttering things, like that will make her stop trembling (except it does. Little by little).

" Henry, let that thing go, now" Regina growls and Emma doesn't need to look at her to know she is furious, in that way that people only are when it is actually a cover for their concern. Her father isn't saying anything, but she suspects that he is agreeing more with Regina now.

" She is not a thing! And that was not her fault" Henry protests and- _why are you sounding so enthusiastic, kid? I could have seriously hurt you._

It is the last thought that suddenly fills her stomach with bricks. She could've hurt her son. She could've – she freezes at the thought, thinks about jumping in the pond and swimming as far away as possible. She cannot-

" Henry what are you talking about?" it is Regina's voice that brings her back, that makes her able to think about something else than jumping from Henry's arms and getting away. Regina will protect their son. Even if Emma fucks up ( _again_ ) , Regina will protect him.

It is not enough, but it works for now.

" Mom. Granddad" his voice actually cracks a little. " Don't you think it is weird that she suddenly freaked out?".

" We were removing her from her natural habitat, so no I do not think so".

" I tasted magic".

" _What_ " " _What_ ".

" Mom. Sometimes, when you do magic, I can kind of sense it. I don't know whether it is because I am the author or that is something else entirely, but remember when we used to make treats together and the entire kitchen and even our clothing would smell of it? "

Emma finally feels the last bit of fear and terror leave her at that image; a young Henry that cannot even reach the counter yet so Regina lifts him in her arms and laughs as she shows him the treats they have made together. The kitchen would probably be a bit of a mess and Henry – six years old ? perhaps eight? – would have flour on his face.

Apparently the image does similar things to Regina as it does to Emma, because she smiles and the anger/worry fades slowly. " Of course I remember ".

" Well that is what your magic is like". Regina and David share a look, then look back at Henry when he resolutely says " And that is what I sensed when she freaked out".

" Are you sure? " David asks and Henry nods. " It was magic".

Her dad turns to Regina. " Did you notice anything?".

" No- I don't think so".

" What does this all mean".

Regina rolls her eyes and approaches. "It means" she says slowly " that my son is a lot smarter than you" . David laughs. " You've told me that often enough, Regina".

Regina is now right in front of them and Emma can feel sudden magic coming off her. She instinctively pushes back against Henry, then mentally rolls her eyes _it's Regina._ Regina touches her and she still almost jumps, and is not even sure whether it is the magic or not.

"There is definitely at least one enchantment " she finally says and her magic fades for a second before strengthening to the point that Emma makes a sound of protest _hey! Warning, please._ Then there is a feeling not unlike the first bearclaw after you haven't eaten in a while, or a hot shower after a day of shovelling snow, or a really good-

Well , something relaxing and satisfying anyways.

"There. Now we will be able to get her away from this.. place".

This is true and Emma is even calm when they cross the line where she had felt such pain. She is quite comfortable in her son's arms( if embarrassed) and he chats with the three of them as they walk towards home.

After a while Henry gets tired though, so she is returned to her father's arms. She would fall asleep, except that she is not going to allow herself. Not when she has just 'escaped' and the queen is still out there and she had looked so angry (and sad in a way Regina hadn't for a while) – she is not going to leave her family unprotected.

Fortunately, Emma has kept herself awake for nothing: they arrive at the house without purple smoke or .. interesting hairdo's making an appearance.

In the garden, her dad places her on the ground and Regina gives a speech about 'touch my tree and I will destroy you if it is the last thing I do' and Henry begs 'let her stay inside' and her father is already going inside to call Snow to 'tell her everything went okay, and hopefully convince her to stop the search for today".

That is when Emma realizes it is later than she thought, which explains why dad came in the cruiser- also still wearing his star and everything- and Henry was allowed to come and everything. She doesn't know how to feel about this , about the proof that the search for her almost consumes them.

It is her family, _I want them to be okay._

She also really desperately wants them to notice that is her and that they are in danger , but no one does. Snow comes to the house (and Emma is a little- okay, a lot- amused because Regina practically ripped the phone from David and ordered Snow to come home or 'suffer the consequences, dear') and there all eating together and Emma just wants them to notice.

Also, some of that obviously delicious food would be nice, because she still hates plants.

Instead, she is outside and looking forlornly at where she knows there is warmth and good food. Henry made sure that she was pretty comfortable, but she just wants to be with them. She tries to focus on that- _magic is emotion_ she hears again- that feeling that she always used to have looking at families in their sitting rooms, or when she saw one in the supermarket. For a moment-

Her feathers tingle and the muscles beneath seem to stretch and the garden seems less imposing and-

Her magic recedes and she is left exhausted – so very exhausted- and still a swan.

It is probably hours later- there are stars and everything- when a door creaks and a silhouette creeps towards her. She kinds of wants to push him back inside, but then remembers the last time she saw the queen. More specifically, she remembers how the Queen looks most like Regina when she is looking at Henry. And-

" Are you awake" he whispers and settles down next to her.

 _Kid, I am a freaking swan, I cannot answer you. That is impossible even in Storybrooke_

She is just able to see Henry's grin, with the light that the stars and the moon provide. He suddenly holds his hand up and- _omg kid is that a burger , you are the best_ and offers her a piece of burger. She tears into it immediately and Henry starts talking again.

" You know, I wonder who you are. My mom also thinks you are enchanted, but she says she needs Emma's magic. Which makes no sense, because my mom is really powerful".

He smiles, but his eyes are kind of tearing up so Emma quickly gets a little closer. Henry picks her up and cuddles her. " She just wants ma back. She is really sad". He whispers the last part, sounding very sad himself.

They are still like that when the door opens again, this time far less quietly. " Henry?". Emma half-expected Regina, but it is Snow instead. Which is better in some ways – less chance of a scolding- and worse in others- Emma's disappearance has hit Snow hard and Snow doesn't wear masks like Regina.

Which means both Henry and Emma get to see how exhausted and worried she is.

She sits down next to Henry. "So this is her, huh? She is beautiful" she says after a while.

" Yes" . Henry hesitates, the hand he was stroking Emma's feathers with stilling. " Is mom okay?"

" She was just worried. She just does not want you to be alone – especially not now- " Snow audibly has to gather herself for a moment." Not now Emma has disappeared".

"I don't like her to be alone, either".

" Oh Henry, she is not. She has you, and me, and charming. Regina won't ever be alone again'.

"She always pushes people away when she is sad , or scared or- " to Emma's horror, Henry's breath hitches. Snow quickly pulls him into her arms. He lets her, apparently taking comfort in the embrace. (Unlike Emma, who is kind of being squeezed)

" Your mother just does not want you to have to see her like that".

" I don't care! " they both are silent after the passionate outburst, then Henry brushes away a few tears. " Well obviously, I don't like that she is hurting, but I know anyways. I just want her to stay here, not lock herself in her vault and constantly search for new spells".

"Well, she wasn't in her vault today, was she? ".

Henry snorts. " Only because I threatened to send you again".

Snow laughs. " Leave it to Regina to make that sound like torture".

"She finds it – and I quote- 'unbearable to waste my time unwillingly listening to a preach about hope and the importance of selfcare' – unquote ".

" I think she just feels guilty".

" Guilty?".

" That people are taking care of her".

" Like she doesn't deserve it?".

" Something like that" . Snow sighs. " I really thought that she would be able to forgive herself after we had-".

" after she had destroyed the queen".

" Yes. But I don't know how much it has helped".

Henry sighs. " She doesn't talk about it. But I don't think she feels that good about it".

"I thought that it would help. Maybe she needs to get used to it?". But it sounds very hesitant, like even Snow optimism is running out.

They are both silent and it leaves Emma too much time to think of Regina post- Evil Queen. She had been quiet, subdued in ways that did not fit her. That felt off to Emma. And sure she had tried to talk, but Regina had just brushed it off. There had been a lot of tiny things that had felt off to Emma, but Regina hadn't let her talk about it.

Even if Emma had wanted nothing more than making her friend smile again.

" Does your mother already know who she is? " Snow changes the subject, nodding at Emma. Emma is only half-listening, contemplating how she can help Regina.

" No. But she is pretty sure that she is cursed. Which is why I don't understand why she cannot stay in the house!".

" I don't know. Perhaps Regina is afraid that she is a villain?".

"Are there any villains that turn into swans".

Snow laughs. " I cannot remember every hearing about one, that much is sure".

They both look at Emma. " Grandma?" .

" Yes?".

" Do you –"

The door opens again and it is Charming this time. " Regina really wants you guys inside again. She is becoming increasingly antsy". He smiles. "I am going to have to take her threats serious if she has to wait any longer".

Snow and Henry both exchange looks, and Henry even snickers. " I am sure you would make a fine toad, David" Snow says as she accepts her husband's hand. He pulls her up.

" Turkey actually" he replies, laughing slightly. He looks at Henry. "Your mother won't miss that" he warns, pointing at Emma in Henry's arms. Henry grins. " I will take my chances".

And of course, Henry manages to convince his mother to at least let 'the swan' sleep in the kitchen, where it is warm and there is a pleasant smell that immediately makes Emma hungry again. She pretends to curl up on the blankets they have left for her.

She ends up creeping upstairs and slumbering in a chair in Regina's room ( it is the only one without magic protection, as far as she can sense).


	4. Chapter 4

**I don't own OUAT. Did I stay up too late writing this? Of course I F****** did . Oh well, totally worth it:P**

 **OH AND HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE, I hope this year is chill and good and you guys get all that you deserve :)**

Emma still dreams. She has once read that animals dream just like humans, so maybe it is because of that. Maybe it is not, because she cannot imagine animals having her dreams. Her dreams are nightmares sometimes, the whole population of Storybrooke trying to grab her, half on their knees and ordering her to 'help us! It is your destiny, your purpose, s _aviour_ " and the surroundings suddenly changing into ogres or beanstalks that are slippery or dragons. Once, she even dreamt of a giant-sized Cora who laughed as everything her burned(and it was so real that she actually had to check whether her heart was still there when she woke up)

The last times, her nightmares always started and began with Regina. Regina's corpse in her arms, the evil queen's somewhere behind her. Someone stupid not realizing what they're doing and two Regina's looking at her – one smiling like it is okay, like she can accept this and one scowling and looking ready to burn the world down- before collapsing. Thinking she is on time, muttering "I love you" , only for Regina to gasp and a sword suddenly-

That is not to say her family isn't there – she had one about Henry that had her bleed and collapse after forcing her magic to change her back over and over and over and never succeeding- but her subconscious tortures her with two Regina's hurting too often.

It might have made her never want to sleep again.. weren't it for the good dreams.

It seems to be a bad dream, or the prophecy not even leaving her at night at first: there is that cloaked figure, the clang! Of the swords hitting, the sweat on her back and someone who screams her name. She wants to scream back "LEAVE" because she knows the figure wants to hurt her family.

The second before Emma somehow knows the sword will impale her, it changes : at the same moment her sword falls, the cloaked figure is blasted backwards. Emma recognizes the magic before she sees the person. " Regina" she breaths and even though it is dark, Regina is clearly recognizable as she steps in front of her.

Emma immediately knows- the armour and crazy ponytail is kind of a dead giveaway- which Regina it is.

She feels like throwing up when the queen unshackles a sword and calmly walks over to the hooded figure. They are struggling to get to their feet again, their sword already raised.

" Regina, no!" she rushes forward , but there is a shield or something -magic at least- and no matter how her own magic immediately reacts with the strength of all her jumbled emotions, it shatters too late.

Regina can fight, can fight well enough that it normally shouldn't have be an issue. She has a fireball in one hand and steel in another. She is fast and -this part of her anyways- has no mercy.

And yet, somehow, even if she fight so well and is so strong- it is not enough this time. As Emma runs towards them, the figure steps forward and Regina immediately goes for the kill.

Emma hears an out choking noise as the figure slides his sword into Regina. The moon allows her to see the surprised O of Regina's lips, the annoyance in her eyes. Her magic reacts along with her mouth and legs: it cushions Regina's body as she falls.

And then she is next to her, cradling her head and nearly screaming "why isn't it working " when the magic is _useless_ , the wound doesn't disappear, Regina's breathing doesn't stop sounding like the breathing of a lung patient.

" e-enchanted " Regina manages to choke out, then coughs up blood as she croaks " idiot"

Emma slides her arms beneath her and lifts her. "We will get you to the hospita-" she freezes with an ice-cold realization. " what happens to the other part of you? Our Regina?".

This part of Regina is different, but she has the same don't-be-stupid look that makes Emma stagger as she remembers – " _what happens to me, happens to her_ – and " n-no" .

" LOOK FOR THE OTHER REGINA" she screams in the direction of her family- she wants to run to Henry most, whose disbelieving, crushed expression she can barely distinguish between stupid tears that are slipping- and her magic is taking them to the hospital.

Regina is deposited on a hospital bed, choking on blood and Emma's own knuckles are bloodied (she had to punch Whale to force him to help) and nurses are running around and then- oh fucking hell _no_ – there are machines beeping and Regina is trying to speak but there is blood dripping from that mouth and she grabs her and order her to stay , Henry fucking needs you, _you asshole_

" Why did you even do that, _I_ was supposed to die" she finally sobs

"Y-you idiot" Regina gasps

" W-we.. love.. you" she manage to wheeze

And then her head falls on the pillow and the lightbulb above them shatters, the earth begins the shake but Emma cannot stop her magic because _no heartbeat no heartbeat no heartbeat_

She wakes up and seriously embarrasses herself.

Her magic is acting crazy beneath her feathers, objects around the room reacting like there is a goddamn ghosts and she is pretty sure she is having a heart attack and she might be making noises but fucking Hell who cares-

 _Regina Regina_

Then she sees the form on the bed and well- she momentarily loses her mind. She just jumps into the bed and worse- on top of Regina. She just wants to, like check Regina's heartbeat or something but of course Regina doesn't know that.

Still, the reaction is exaggerated.

First, there is a moment where Regina just stares at the swan on her chest (this lasts about two seconds), then she slowly moves her hand and- considering Regina has done the exact opposite of hurting her for ages – Emma just thinks she might actually be petted again- which okay super weird, but not the worst thi-

Then there is a fireball and magic throwing her off the bed, making her land ungracefully and Regina is screaming at her. " WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING, YOU INFERNAL CREATURE ".

Emma tries to say " checking whether you're alive, did you really have to throw me that hard?". Regina wouldn't have listened anyways, probably: she slips out of the bed and paces as she scolds Emma( at which moment Emma wouldn't be able to talk regardless of the swan thing, because _who the hell dresses for sleeping like a freaking Victoria's model_ )

"Honestly, there is no sane explanation for you being in my bed, whoever you are. If you want me to break this enchantment, there are better ways to stress the importance".

She takes a deep breath and Emma's mind works enough again that she figures it is to calm herself. " And you will have to have patience, because finding Emm- the saviour has precedence".

Emma just stares her, willing Regina to be smart like usually and think something like 'hey how fucking weird that this swan has the exact same eye colour as Emma" but she seems content to not connect the dots.

Oh well, at least the view is amazing.

" Where are you- " Regina rolls her eyes when she notes Emma staring. She stalks over to a robe, tugs it on angrily (Emma kind of want to protest, but really Regina still looks pretty awesome in that robe) . " I am going to take a shower and you will be gone when I get out" she commands, marches towards a door and yanks it open.

As soon as she is inside, Emma jumps back on the bed. It is still warm and soft and she stretches and watches the door lazily. No way that she is going to leave Regina , not when she keeps getting herself in situations where she almost dies (the room isn't even protected by magic, the queen could just come in here and Regina would not be prepared)

She is slumbering when Regina's footsteps make her eyes snap open. She closes them again, even if a part of her wants to keep looking at Regina's wet hair and face free of magic. She always likes Regina's face- make-up or not- but it is difficult to look at her when the bags are so clear.

She is vaguely aware of rustling, of footsteps and something being muttered but that is all fading as she slips into sleep. She is still tired, her night not having been the most restful one, and knowing that Regina is safe (and thankfully surrounded by people who love her) makes it so very easy to sink into the insane comfortable bed that smells like –

She flaps with her wings when the warm, soft bed suddenly disappears.

When she opens her eyes, it is to Regina's little smirk. She is using magic to make Emma float in the air – t _his is not fucking space Regina stop it_ \- and even if she knows Regina won't just drop her, she really doesn't like to be away from the ground.

" I told you to be gone"

Emma flaps her wings more, trying to fight against the enchantment, which results in her questioning her life choices as it disappears and she starts falling. Right when she is starting to slightly panic, she is caught again and floating gently over to Regina.

Who is just about to say something when there is a door slamming somewhere in the house and Emma falls again. Right into Regina's arms. Who almost clumsily catches her, then automatically presses Emma against her chest

Thudthudthud Emma hears, she is so close. She expects to be shoved away, to fall on the floor perhaps but Regina instead keeps her in her arms. She can feel the warmth and the familiarity of Regina's magic, close to the surface – calling to her own, or that is what it feels like.

She hears _and_ feels Regina gasp. " Was that- " she scrutinizes Emma. " Do you have magic?".

 _Well yeah. Now realize that I am Emma and change me back._ For a moment, Emma thinks that it might happen because Regina has this thoughtful expression and is studying her eyes and –

" I know those eyes… "

Emma is just starting to think someone is finally going to know when someone knocks. And then the door immediately opens, which makes Regina roll her eyes again. "As I am sure I've told you before Snow, it is polite to wait until you've actually been granted permission before entering a room".

Emma might actually think Regina is being too nice to Snow, with that fond exasperation that makes Snow smile and be oblivious to how she has just ruined something important. Okay, she would probably have been oblivious regardless but still. _Really mom?_

" We are having breakfast, so I thought I would come and get you".

" Stay out of my kitchen".

Mom just laughs and comes closer. She actually throws an arm around Regina, who scowls but doesn't try to shrug it off. " You can tell the boys that yourself".

And then Regina is being led downstairs by Snow, who is talking like usual ( but Emma feels like she has swallowed bricks when she realizes mom is forcing herself to be like usual and that she sometimes is on the verge of tears) and Emma still in her arms.

Downstairs, Regina pauses in the kitchen to just watch. Henry is pressing oranges while dad is baking eggs. There are pans everywhere, the cupboards are wide open and the counter is littered with ingredients and such. Still, Regina looks annoyed for only a second. It probably all has to do with Henry, who smiles and laughs and turns around and smiles even wider.

" Mom!" he exclaims, leaving his spot to kiss her on the cheek. He looks at Emma and grins.

" Not a word" Regina orders.

Henry laughs. " Do you want to help grandpa? I am kind of afraid he will hurt himself" He lowers his voice. " Again".

" I heard that! " David says, turning around with a fake affronted expression.

Regina gentle places Emma in Henry's arms and strokes her head ( _I hate these stupid feathers_ ) before going over to David and stealing the frying pan from him. She shoves him aside with her hip.

" Regina, I am not actually incompetent you know".

" Thank you for this. Can you go set the table?".

David smiles. " Already did".

" Are there already drinks on the table?".

David laughs. " Henry was busy with that".

Regina turns back to Henry, who is petting Emma while Snow is being creepy (according to Emma she is anyways). She gives him that smile. "You may go that new game that Emma got you sweetheart, we will finish here".

" You need multiple players". He sighs "Besides, I promised ma that I wouldn't play it without her. She really wants to finish the game together".

Regina doesn't manage to stifle a laugh. " Your mother is such a _child_ ".

" Yeah, it is pretty great" . Henry seems sad for a moment, but then seems to shake it off. " So what can I do to help?".

" You can finish pressing the oranges sweetheart".

" Kay".

Emma is placed gently on the ground( Henry went to place her on the counter but changed his mind when Regina send him a Henry-Daniel-Mills look) as Henry picks up an orange and continues his work.

" What about us Regina. How can we help? " Snow asks.

" I am not sure whether we need your help actually. It is really not that much work".

"I can make pancakes" David offers.

" He does make very tasty pancakes" Snow says, smiling at her husband before kissing him.

Regina sighs, the long suffering sigh of someone who spends a lot of time around her lovey-dovey parents. " Very well. You can prepare the pancakes. Snow?".

" Oh, I am fine with anything really. Just tell me what you'd like me to do ".

Regina turns with a little smirk. " It would be wonderful if someone wouldn't lecture me on my eating habits, for once".

Snow purses her lips. " You eat too little. Is it so horrible that I care?".

"No, but you could care.. a little quieter? And I do not appreciate being ordered to eat more".

Snow looks a little afro- no, not affronted but hurt. " Fine".

There is a very brief moment of tense silence before Snow smiles and comes over to Regina, briefly hugging her. Regina just raises her eyes to the heavens, as if to ask God 'really? Is my karma _that_ bad" but Emma suspect she secretly almost enjoys it when Snow does things like this.

The next hour or so is actually amazing. Regina is her usual sarcastic, wry self (but it is far gentler than it used to be and Snow just reacts with strict looks or sometimes even eye rolls while David laughs. Henry is just as sarcastic and wry as Regina , so he mostly loves it) and Snow is – even if it seems a little forced at times- ta gushing about things and Dad doesn't say much but he has some good remarks and just smiles and Henry- well Henry is her amazing kid.

When the breakfast is ready, they all move to the table. It is then that Emma realizes her family must have been staying at Regina's for a while, because they have their own spots and look so very comfortable. It makes her want to grin as much as it makes her feel like Zelena(luckily, her skin can't turn green or..)

Despite the fact that she is still a s _wan_ , it is a pretty awesome morning. She gets to sit on her own chair (Henry insisted) and the kid sneaks her food and Regina's smile is small but genuine and even if there are little things like her family treating her absence like a freaking time bomb, the overall atmosphere is happy and comfortable.

It is the exact kind of thing she would've killed for when she was still in the system.

David is the first to push away from the table. ' It was delicious, but I really must go to the station".

Snow stands around the same time he does. " I will get Neal and go with you. Perhaps a caller will actually have a lead today".

Dad kisses her. She embraces him for a while, then sighs and pulls away. Emma isn't sure, but she thinks Neal might be in her parents' room ( and really, how insane is it that they have a room in Regina's house nowadays?) so that's where she probably goes.

Henry is already starting to clean the table, so is Regina. Dad looks around, then softly asks "Are you sur- ".

" David. As I have said the past _two weeks_ , Henry and I are perfectly capable of cleaning the table together. You have your own chores".

He gives a small smile, grabs Regina's arm for two seconds as he passes her. " Thank you. Have a nice day! " .

And then he is gone as well, which leaves only Henry, Regina and Emma. She kind of wants to grab whatever is left, but she has a suspicion Regina wouldn't react well to that ( she had already not been particularly happy with Henry trying to sneak her food). So instead she just watches as Henry and Regina quickly clean the table.

She only leaves the chair when they're in the kitchen, following them. Regina is putting everything in the dishwasher, Henry having gone upstairs to get his stuff for school. A little while later, you hear 'bye mom, love you!' and the door shuts

It is exactly two minutes that the dishwasher closes with a loud thunk! and Regina curses under her breath. Emma tries to run to her when she realizes Regina is crying.

" Goddamn it Emma, where _are_ you".

 _Here! I am right here, don't you see! Regina, it's okay, I am here!_

Emma is making those honking-trumpet sounds she loathes again but she doesn't even care if that's the way to make Regina see her, to make the smart woman understand what has happened – and hopefully, to warn her.

" Will you please- just go? I j-just need some time alone" she mutters.

 _No, I am not going to let you cry in this kitchen all alone. I am here, damn it!_

Emma flaps her wings repeatedly, close enough that she nearly hits Regina with them. She is making so much noise that Regina finally nudges her with her foot. " I comprehend that you want to return to your former state, but that will take _time_ ".

Emma frantically looks around her, there must be something that will make Regina realize who she is. Something she can write with- no she only has these useless wings, that's- or perhaps something –

 _Magic. I can use that._

She gets the idea when she sees the bottle of ketchup.

Two seconds later, it is floating towards them and then it's open. Emma's head is starting to feel like that time her case prevented her from eating, she had spent all day and half the night chasing this jerk and then she was also unexpectedly attacked by them.. but she persists.

By the time the kind of plp sound (like a fart, really, how mortifying) makes Regina's eyes snap open, Emma is feeling worse but also good because it is working!

Regina gasps and surges forward with that hellish fire in her eyes " My floo- " she pauses when she actually realizes that the floating ketchup bottle is clumsily spelling something.

She kneels down next to it, catching the bottle as Emma finally cannot make it float anymore. She curls in on herself, feeling like she has a triple concussion. She only barely manages to keep her eyes open to watch Regina struggle to decipher the letters (writing with ketchup that you have to control with your mind is The Worst)

And her voice actually shakes when she manages. "Emma Swan- "

And then Regina is reaching for her head and lifting it with trembling hands. She is crying again- or still- but there is also the beginning of a hardly-dare-to-hope smile. She holds Emma's head between her hands as she studies her eyes, scanning them over and over.

Her eyes go angry-happy-sad-angry-confused-angry-worried, but finally she just picks Emma up and holds her in her arms, not even looking back at her used-to-be-pristine floor or pausing to get herself a jacket ( _damn it Regina, what if you get a cold?_ ) as she slams open the door( s. Plural, first the front door, then the car door) with magic and nearly crashes her car into hedge as she stamps down on the accelerator.

It really sucks being a swan, because a human could tell Regina not to cause both their deaths.


	5. Chapter 5

**I don't own OUAT.**

Emma wasn't aware that Regina could ever drive like a suicidal maniac that has never actually learned the traffic rules. Or that she was actually capable of destroying-or damaging- town property (a bin, someone's bike and- do dwarves count as town property?) , with her bitching about town budget and the importance of town signage (no seriously, the only reason Emma did not die of boredom during that particular meeting is because annoying Regina with her 'unprofessional attitude' is actually fun)

But apparently she is, or Emma would not be pressed into a car seat with her thoughts being something like _I am not even going to be able to say goodbye to Henry or my parents who will forever think I am missing because Regina is THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS and is going to freaking kill us BOTH._ As Regina hisses at her – are you insane, you are driving like _that_ and now you are not even looking at the road?!- to stop 'making those noises, miss Swan, it sounds atrocious ' she only honks louder.

They swerve left and the anxious , half- angry (why must I like a woman whose emotions always turn into anger) look leaves Regina's face. She gently strokes Emma with her free hand, which is part bliss and part 'DON'T TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF THE WHEEL'. As Regina glances at her and chuckles , Emma suddenly realizes something very bad.

Regina _knows._ Regina knows it was Emma who was staring at her and Emma who jumped on her chest and Emma whose traitorous feathers keeps fluffing up whenever Regina touches her. Regina's hand is warm and soft and her feathers are , in fact, doing the fluffing thing again and-

She suddenly feels like that time a foster parent locked her in their very tiny cellar and every time she breathed she inhaled so much dust that she would bend over and cough her lungs out.

Somehow, Regina knows. Perhaps Emma's feet are actually moving like they obey to her need to run or it is just because Regina is empathic or perhaps it is because of this thing where they get each other better than anyone around them. But Regina knows.

Her hand retracts, but remains next to Emma. " Honestly, Swan, it is a miracle to me how you managed this. I have told you before not to attempt complicated spellcasting without me" and it should be harsh, but even if the words are a little, Regina's voice is mostly gentle ( with a slight undertone of anger; Emma knows Regina tends to show worry in the form of anger)

Her feathers are just settling, her muscles not as tense as before anymore as Regina's words actually register. _Wait, are you serious? Do you really not get that-_

Emma thinks it is just Regina's driving, which is just slightly less life-threatening ( but definitely injury-threatening) than before when the car lurches and starts to spin. The seatbelt cuts into her feathers as she automatically tries to get to Regina. She feels her energy leak away as her magic reacts a second later- quick, yes, but not quick enough.

Regina's head slams into the wheel, which might actually save her because the glass shatters a second later. Emma twists her body in angles it shouldn't be able to as she sees the blood on Regina's cheek ( and how still she is, how quiet ).

She has almost freed herself when the seatbelt suddenly starts moving – _only in fucking Storybrooke_ \- and rises like one of those snakes that react to some person playing a flute. She lunges herself across it, lands on Regina's lap and screeches.

She tries to summon her magic, but all it does is make her more and more tired with her muscles feeling like they only should after she has won a marathon or possibly Olympian gold. Her sight actually blurs for a second, so she only sees something black move from right-left-right-left.

She shakes herself , flaps her wings and makes as much noise as possible . Her vision is slowly returning, but she still thinks it is messing with her for half a beat. Then she realizes that she is still in Storybrooke so it is completely possible and logical that a seatbelt is turning green and suddenly hissing.

She makes herself as big as possible- hopefully enough to shield Regina's unconscious form- as the forked tongue and soon after, the entire snake head appears. She screams at it, for once glad that swan sounds so awful.

It hesitates for a moment- she almost thinks this will work- then suddenly lunges for her. She flaps her wings crazily, uses the moment it hangs back a little to torpedo her beak towards it. It tries to twist around her head, but she opens her beak and throws it away from her.

It returns, mouth wide open and venom dripping from its fangs. She steels herself for the end – _shit kid, I am sorry_ \- when there is purple smoke and there is merely a seatbelt on the seat next to Regina's still form. She nearly faints, her magic throwing up a wobbly force shield before she has even thought about it.

There is a chuckle- so similar yet so different- and then the world around her is purple and cinnamon and sharp nails stroking her feathers. She weakly fights as she realizes she is in the queen's arms, feathers puffed up in reply to the dark black fingers scratching them.

"Hello again, pet" the queen smiles slowly.

Emma struggles again, but her strength is fading. Already, she can see black spots at the edges of her vision. Her head is feeling like it has been slammed against the ground multiple times (which has actually happened, she better not have a concussion again)and she can taste iron. She knows using magic is making her so weak and in pain, but not using it means leaving Regina vulnerable to the person who hates her the most right now.

" You truly are the saviour. Not that pale imitation of me taking a nap over there would be able to work against my spell this much"

The queen merely laughs as Emma makes the most furious sound ever. The last time she felt like this, she was pointing a gun at Lily. "Aren't you a fierce one " she purrs,

Actually pressing Emma closer to her and normally she might react drastically different to being pressed against the queen's chest , but now all she cares is about is protecting Regina. She wishes she still had teeth.

She tries to scream "REGINA, GET YOURSELF OUT OF HERE" as soon as she hears the weak groan. The queen lifts her, purring " Now it is time for fun", then holds her so tightly pressed against her chest that breathing becomes a little difficult.

She hardly has the strength left to lift her head , but she starts struggling as much as she still can when she hears Regina's hissed " you".

" Me. Did you honestly think it was going to be as simple as crushing my heart?".

Emma doesn't know how- it is not like she can see anything or feel the heat or anything- but she somehow knows Regina now has a fireball in her hand. She hears the door of the car slam shut and Regina's heels on the pavement.

" Are you going to prepare roasted Swan for me? " The queen mocks.

" You have three seconds to release her before those leather boots will be melted to your flesh".

" You have hurt her quite terribly already, do you honestly want me to drop her? ".

" One".

" You know, my viper almost ripped her apart as she attempted to protect you oh-so-valiantly".

" Two".

"I have to admit, making Snow's precious little princess love you is not a completely imbecilic plan. Perhaps I will even keep her, as soon as I find where you kept her heart. Or did you use a love spell? That would be something- even Rumple finds those too immoral".

Emma nearly throws up when the worlds blackens for a moment, unconsciously presses closer to the queen. She doesn't know where they have teleported to – she both hopes and fears, far away from Regina – but she does know that there was something wrong with that fireball . She tries to struggle again as she realizes it must be because Regina is hurt.

" I have given up on the nefarious plotting. Now release her or- "

"You will attempt to throw another fireball and get a nosebleed? Terrifying. Or perhaps- " Emma can feel the queen moving, so she pinches her in warning. _Try to hurt the mother of my son and I will break your arm._ " you will heal yourself, which will take long enough that I get the perfect opportunity to repay you".

Emma tries to lift her head and turn it to see why Regina inhaled sharply. She only manages to lift it the barest minimum and then rests it on the queen's chest again . She has to fight to keep conscious as a soft hand strokes her head.

" You want to rip my heart out".

The laughter of the queen is barely audible over the furious sounds Emma is making , the very idea of someone doing that to Regina enough to make a surge of adrenaline pump through her body. She unexpectedly pinches the skin that is visible above the dark line of a corset, leading to the grip on her lessening. She tries to jump out of the arms, but as she feels a hand stroke the entire length of her back, her head starts to feel heavier and her eyes close despite her best intentions and-

" I am not sure yet" it is so difficult not to sleep, but she needs to hear this. " You care for her".

" I never knew that the heart was somehow connected to the brain".

" You can call me brainless all you want, but crushing my heart, does not change the fact that I am a part of you. You cannot hide anything from me".

" You are no longer a part of me. And you know nothing".

" Don't I? So it is not true then –" the gentle motion as the queen walks, as well as the fact that her grip isn't tight anymore (she is held more like a baby now, which is- should she be insulted?) makes it even more difficult to not fall asleep. Somehow, she manages. Probably that stubbornness that Regina always pretends to be annoyed about. " that you are denying your affection for this woman, solely to keep me from ripping _her_ heart out".

 _Regina's laugh does not sound like that._ Emma is only barely conscious and every waking second is a fight against her body and the magic that conspire to make her sleep. Only the thought that the queen will hurt her family is strong enough to make her fight. " Even if you manage a halfway decent lie, your heart will not ever lie. It is beating so strongly- ".

" If you want my heart, just t _ake_ it. You are doing a remarkable job boring me to death, but crushing my heart will be easier".

" It will not be painful or long enough. You deserve far worse for what you did to me".

" I will find a way to destroy you if you even- "

The next words make Emma feel like she in a dream at the same time that she temporarily feels more awake than should be possible. " You forget , Regina. Remember when you gave the thief your heart? Remember why you did not _dare_ give it to the only person with magic strong enough to actually guard it?".

" I can see right through you. I have manipulated people exactly that way before, did you honestly think I would fall for it? I loved Robin".

" Naturally, he was your s _oulmate._ And I am sure he would have been adequate, would have been able to connect to you just enough, make you smile just enough, satisfy your libido just enough..".

She pauses a moment, the silence before the storm. " Emma Swan, on the other hand? " . Emma doesn't know what she is feeling, she just knows that she need to hear more.

" She would have almost been too much, connects more and easier to you than anyone else, makes you smile even if you tell yourself you should be exasperated and if she were to kiss you… - "

Emma feels fingers stroke her feathers almost tenderly. " I am certain that it would be a lot more than _adequate._ Really, you being such a coward and not taking what should be ours is almost enough reason to hurt you".

" She isn't _property_ " Emma is surprised by the amount of venom she can hear in Regina's voice.

The queen laughs. " I should not be surprised- considering you are surrounded by idiots- but it is still difficult to believe no one ever noticed your .. affection for their precious saviour".

" Enough talking". Emma feels that awful sensation of teleporting again, then magic tugging at her. It is less hostile, feels less like a group of more-or-less benevolent bees flying around her, so she knows it is her Regina. Well, not hers but-

" You are not taking her from me. In fact, I am going to take her _for_ me. I think I deserve to have a plaything if I am going to be stuck around petulant dwarves and the like that think they have a right to command a queen – even if it is the meekest, most pathetic part of her".

" You just claimed to love her as- to love her". Emma nearly chokes, _when had she said that?_

" It only makes sense, does it not?".

"But if you feel- if you love her- "

" You remember what mother was like without a heart. And maybe the Charming-approved version of us is still a meek guard dog but I am The Queen" .

" What do you want". Emma nearly gives herself away when she nearly twists out of the loose grip. Regina is planning something, something bad. She is going to do the thing again, where she is all 'thanks for trying miss Swan' and Emma cannot-

" Snow's heart, perhaps? ".

" _No"._

" Weak, honestly- "

Emma doesn't know what happened. One moment, she is secure in the queen's arms , that sleepiness returning bit by bit. The next she is falling down and only barely caught by magic. She hears two nearly identical voice, explosions, sounds she can't easily identify (but Christ, it might be a car being thrown) and then a choking sound.

She manages to open her eyes just enough to see a scene from her nightmares.

Regina is on her knees, additional bruises on her face. The queen is standing, fine apart from an ugly cut on her throat. They are both watching the arm in Regina's chest.

The queen pulls back and Emma tries and tries and tries to move towards the red-black heart glowing faintly. Her limbs won't obey, no matter how many times or how loud she screams at them to move. She is nothing more than an audience, forced to watch as Regina tries to push herself up.

" You know you forgot one thing when you put that spell on this- " the queen taps the heart with one slightly bloody finger. " it won't do much good against _yourself_ ".

Regina desperately lunges( she is hurt enough that it is more stumbling than lunching) for the heart, brown eyes tearing up, but only manage to throw herself on the gravel as the Queen disappears in a swirling purple cloud.

Emma thought Regina had never looked as defeated and pained as she had in New York- Henry missing and a dead soulmate- but now she knows how wrong she is. As Regina lays there, hardly managing to use her scraped hands to push herself up and with an expression that makes Emma fight even harder to get to her , she knows.

This is what a defeated Regina Mills looks like.

 **The spell they are talking about is the one from 3.18 – when Regina made sure Zelena could not use her heart to control her.**


	6. Chapter 6

**I don't own OUAT. I really want to thank you guys for the favourites, follows and comments - they always make me really happy, so thank you!**

After Regina had managed to pick herself up, only keeping herself from going after the queen because her magic was malfunctioning so much she could not even properly teleport , they stalk towards the car. Or actually, Regina tries to stalk but stumbles sometimes and Emma sort of waddles until Regina picks her up and carries her.

The driving style is less maniacal , but Emma is even more worried than she had been when Regina had still been driving like she wanted to kill them both. She has never seen Regina like this and it scares her. She is accustomed to always seeing Regina fight, not to this quiet version of her that holds trembling hands on the steering wheel and bites her lips.

She only hesitates for a moment before creeping towards Regina. She watches Regina for any signs of discomfort, but there are none as she slowly curls on Regina's lap. In fact, Regina seems to slowly relax, her eyes less unsure and frightened. And yeah, everything still sucks but at least they are a team. Emma will just have to trust that they will beat the odds again. That is not difficult at all.

They are almost at the house when there is a large purple smoke, the sudden movement of the car yanks Emma from her half-sleep and Regina curses, once. Emma honks in protest when there is smoke around her and Regina has suddenly _disappeared_. Then there is darker smoke around her and she feels herself being yanked forward, then dropped on the street.

Regina glares at the queen for that. " Keep your magic away from her".

The queen just ignores her, and Emma quickly walks to Regina as recognizes the look in Regina's eyes. It is the look she has when risking herself for Henry. She positions herself in front of Regina and immediately feels a heeled boot gently push her away. "Do not be foolish , Emma. Get behind me'. Which yeah, that is never going to happen.

Regina is lighting a fireball, stepping towards the queen and Emma is next to her – trying to focus her magic but okay with having to just use her wings if needed, because she knows they are pretty lethal- when the queen says " Stop" in an almost bored voice

Emma hates the queen a little when Regina immediately freezes but continues to struggle, her hands trembling with the effort and that sad-angry look in her eyes. She runs forward- only to fall backwards as she bounces off some sort of spell. She struggles to her feet again and places herself in the middle of Regina and the spell.

" Emma- _don't_ " it is a swirling tornado and Regina's eyes through the darkness and Emma just thinking 'I need to help her, I need her safe, I need her away from this' all over again.

Except this time, Emma has no idea how to even protect Regina. How do you protect a person from themselves?

Still, she is damn well going to try. She stands there, focuses on her magic again. Her feathers ruffle and burn, but the world is still too small and she can still not see anything but useless feathers. Before she can push past her limits, the queen speaks again. " You are always hurting those you love. Just _look_ at her".

And yeah, maybe Emma is feeling shitty again. Maybe she has a migraine and is nauseous and there might be blood dripping from somewhere, but that does not mean anyone is allowed to deliberately try to hurt Regina like that, to worsen her doubts and pain. She throws herself forward again, angry and vindictive and focusing all her loathing on the spell she feels in the air-

She bounces, but it breaks. It feels like she has broken as well; there is a dull throbbing in one of her wings and the migraine had worsened to the point that she doesn't even want to blink in fear of the searing pain. She is only vaguely aware of what the words 'you are free to walk again' mean and what the footsteps imply and why there are gentle hands picking her up.

The pain slowly starts to fade and she glares at the queen from where she is in Regina's arms.

" she does not deserve you. Why are you even attempting to protect someone like her? She ruins everything she touches, cannot even hold on to a part of _herself_ " there is something cruelly knowing in the queen's eyes when she adds " are you so eager to be rejected once again? To be disregarded, like you are nothing but trash".

The arms around Emma draw her closer to Regina when the queen steps forward. " You could go with me, if you wanted to. You and Henry and I- we could do so many great things. You certainly do not have any obligations against _Snow_ – what has that woman ever done but abandoned you and demanded forgiveness like breaking a curse justifies taking away any happiness her daughter might have had?".

It hits a little too close to home, because even if Emma does not want to, she sometimes still resents her parents for sending her away. The way Emma sees it, her best chance was not away from them. No, that was the _town's_ best chance. And it is difficult to not resent them for what feels like picking all these people over her when they have never had the long talk they needed to. When there are such fairy tale characters, who think he crappy childhood is just the price to pay for heroism.

Still, she loves them so she picks the only way to yell ' fuck off, no way I am betraying my family' that she can think of: she hisses furiously and presses against Regina. She can feel Regina's chest move as she inhales shudderingly and she sees the surprise on the queen's face. There might be pain there too, but it disappears quickly behind a cruel twist of her lips. " You are free to make your mistakes, miss Swan".

"She is not going to choose _you._ So leave" it is Regina's voice and Emma frowns at the pain she hears in it. She feels like she is missing something, like there is some crucial piece of information that she almost has but not quite.

The queen smiles cruelly, her hands curled around the heart. " I am not finished " she brings the heart closer, until it is almost touching her lips. " do not tell the identity of the Swan in your arms to anyone. Hide it- but be sloppy. Make enough mistakes they will have suspicions but not enough or obviously enough for them to comprehend you are being controlled".

Emma hisses at her again. The queen hums. " she does have a very wilful spirit"

Regina keeps Emma in one arm as she lights another fireball, before the queen could take more than two small steps. The queen smiles, thinly and cruelly. Emma struggles to get out of Regina's arms when that heart is crushed but even when Regina is doubled over with pain, her grip never loosens. Eventually, the queen's does however.

She had not been doubled over like Regina, even if there had been pain in the pressed lines of her face and the free hand she pressed against her chest. " Do not move" she orders now and Emma feels Regina stiffen against her. Becoming stone without her skin actually changing.

The queen takes deliberately slow steps, lips curled up. Emma concentrates harder than ever- _magic is emotion, miss Swan_ – and uses the nauseating mix of terror , concern and fury as fuel. Her feathers start to burn slightly as her magic spits and hisses, her muscles suddenly felt like she had tried a split but had overestimated her body's flexibility, her eyes start to burn like she has rubbed shampoo in them – she glances down and her feathers are slowly disappearing.

The happiness is fuel as well, but it never works as well as anger or the overwhelming need to protect. Her skin now feels like she has spent three hours in 40 degrees weather without sunscreen, her mouth is filled with the taste of blood, there is pressure on her ears like she is on a rising plane but –

She is stretched out oddly, her feathers slowly turning the pinkish colour she is used to, she can feel something pressing in her beak- possibly teeth trying to grow again. It is the most uncomfortable she had ever been and- the queen snaps her fingers and Emma is pulled into her arms.

" You moron" the tone is harsh, but the fingers on Emma's skin aren't. she still tries to get them off quite desperately when she can feel the queen's magic glide over her and push her magic back. She tries to fight but the taste of blood only strengthens and the pain in her head gets so bad she cries out. She bends her head, the only human thing the queen has left the tears that slip from her eyes and fall.

" You have not yet mastered that skill' the queen says, catching her lips between her teeth. Emma starts to hiss furiously at her – _you threaten my family, keep me trapped like this and THEN you fucking dare to taunt me –_ before she actually mulls the words over. Because yes, they could easily be taken as a taunt but if there was one thing she had learned about Regina, it was that she tended to hide her love beneath sarcasm and barbs.

Emma almost relaxes when she realizes that the queen has still been a jerk. She has _hurt_ Regina. She starts to hiss again, tries to flap her wings in the queen's arms. The queen sighs. " This is about my weaker half, is it not?" Emma honks furiously in agreement. Then tries to glare, and hopefully communicate with that glare 'do not call Regina weak' .

The queen looks behind Emma. " She is far more a knight than she is a princess, is she not? " she looks down at Emma- still flapping with her wings and generally struggling. " All the fierce protectiveness of a noble knight " she sounds slightly mocking. Emma strains even more. _Damn it. I am stronger than her, usually. Why is this not working?_ She knows it is just that she is exhausted and almost ill after using magic like five minutes ago, but it still pisses her off that this woman could hurt Regina any moment and she would not be able to help at all.

She is even more pissed off how a part of her automatically relaxes a little at the queen's touch, like it is Regina's arm on her shoulder after they have defeated some Hell monster that came out of a hat ( and really, what kind of fever-induced dr. Seuss weirdness has her life turned into ?)

The queen presses her closer, and all that calm and comfort disappears as she walks towards a helpless Regina. Emma pinches the queen's skin, honks, flaps her wings, envisions her to be thrown away – anything that will mean she won't get any closer. The queen ignores it all. " You will return to Mifflin street. You will stay there for two hours".

The look in Regina's eyes makes Emma tremble with fury directed at the queen. It is only seen for several seconds before Regina's signature smoke takes her away. Slightly darker smoke takes Emma soon after. When the world slowly blurs into focus again, she is in Regina's vault.

She is in Regina's vault, she is on the floor and she _cannot_ move.

The queen is in front of her, studying her. " _Snow White_ and her shepherd are not known for their intellect. They might need a firm push to reach the conclusion that my weaker half is betraying them" .

She approaches Emma and- Emma has never really been afraid of Regina. She has been furious whenever Regina was being an A-grade bitch. She has been empathic, those times she thought she recognized someone who had been fucked over as many times as she had. She has been worried, when Regina was undercover pretending to be a friend to torturers and murderers. But she has never been afraid.

She might be a little now, helpless, uncertain and faced with a look she recognizes from the worst homes.

The queen waves her hand a throne-like chair fades into existence. The queen sinks down into it, resting her chin on her hand as she studies Emma. She is silent for a while, then slowly stands and walks towards another room. Emma hears objects being moved and hitting against walls perhaps. She is still trying to free herself -failing miserably- when the queen returns with a very large book. Emma stares at it as the queen lowers herself down in the chair again and starts to read.

Her heart is not racing anymore, even if she knows the queen is still a threat and calm like this is often less dangerous than outright anger and hatred. She has learned that after a childhood with people that had so many agendas and following people so very desperate.

The queen lays the book down with too much nonchalance. Emma tenses- or she would if she could anyways. Even if every part of her screams at her to fight and she can feel her lungs stutter and fail (does this spell freeze them, as well or is it just the panic Emma feels?), she forces herself to _not_ fight. The only plan she has is to wait for the moment the queen unfreezes her and fight with all the saved energy then . _If you mess this up, your family will suffer_ she says, thinking of Henry's smile and Snow's worry and David's gentle teasing and Regina's dry wit.

She cannot fail them, she cannot lose that. It is more difficult than you would expect, but she keeps repeating 'cannot fail them, cannot lose them' until the urge to fight settles a bit.

Finally, the queen is ready. She has a table with scattered ingredients – Emma prays that her plan does not involve chucking potions down Emma's throat because _is that a rat's tail_ – and dark red powder and – a collar? Emma is so surprised that she just stares and blinks in confusion.

Until Regi the queen tries to attach that collar, which is when Emma strains and _screams_. She is still a swan, but it is not hard to hear that she is hurting at all and the spell keeping her frozen is very strong but so is her panic and instinct to protect so the spell shatters. The spell shatters, the queen stumbles back and Emma runs for the door.

Only for a rope to drop down from nowhere and curl around her, cutting off her breathing and tightening against her struggling. The queen's voice is nearly soothing as she kneels down and mutters 'shh shh' , her fingers quickly reaching out for Emma's neck and Emma _loathes_ her for a moment.

Then the rope disappears, Regina shrinks and hands. Hands and fingers and skin – she laughs disbelievingly and wriggles her fingers, presses them to her face so she can they are real. She smiles and laughs and sags with relief. " I d- "she has to clear her throat, then tries again. " I don't understand".

The queen is still kneeled down next to her. Emma doesn't know what to make of her. " It is all part of a plan" she suddenly grabs Emma's chin , pulls her towards her. " And I have been wanting to do this since I saw your pretty face for the first time" and kisses her. Or perhaps kisses is not the right word, because Emma feels more like she is being conquered, possessed , claimed. The queen bites down on her lip and Emma pulls away carefully.

" We are not doing this".

" You- " .

" I may not know a lot about healthy relationships, but I am also not freaking Harley quinn. Nor do I have a goddamn Stockholm complex".

The queen's nails dig into her shoulder painfully. "You judge me even when you do not judge her?".

" I know of her past crimes and I have managed to look past them, mostly for Henry's sake but also because of the shit that has happened to her and the go – the amazing stuff she has done since then. The first time I saw you, you threatened me and turned me into a swan. You have kept me locked up for ages, _taunted_ me with the pain of my family and hurt Regina- "

The fingers on her skin start to heat and she could've sworn she saw the woman's arm slowly star to reach for her chest. She grabs that arm. " _And_ you might be doing this just to hurt Regina even more".

The queen leans in even more. Emma is pretty sure that is her own blood on those lips." You have no _idea_ of our past crimes. You would do the one thing you are so good at and run if you had any idea what we were like".

" I know she is a good mother to my son. I know she has nearly died several times to protect this town. I know that she has gone down to- ".

The queen leans in more. "You have no idea what it is like, saviour. She has grown accustomed to murder and terror. You people might think that by ripping me out, she has completed her _redemption_ but she is still me. You cannot just destroy a part of you".

' I know".

The queen's grip loosens slightly. " You- what?".

" I know. I know you, I know any version of Regina. Whether we are in an insane alternate universe or whether she is wearing a crazy hat or talking about turning me into a garden topiary , I know you. And I know she has made a mistake doing this, but it is what she wanted. And I would never tell her what to do -or not to do".

" You claim to be her friend yet you would not even keep her from- '.

" I didn't know back then. I had doubts of course, but- she was struggling. It is a scary thought, that we might have darkness that could hurt our loved ones" Emma swallows. 'Or at the very least, cause us to lose them".

Apparently this version knows Emma as well, because it is not empathy in her eyes but it is definitely understanding. "the dark one".

" I nearly lost Henry and- I know you were afraid of the same thing".

" She is _weak_ , if she had not hidden- ".

" It's Henry. He would have never been okay with anything 'evil "she makes sure to use air quotes, because Henry might have used the word a lot and so do fairy tale characters but she has seen too much to really believe in evil.

The queen shakes her head violently. "I am his mother, he would- ".

" Regina" it is the first time Emma calls her that and it effectively shuts her up. Or maybe it is Emma's tone, firm but also kind and understanding that does it." You are talking about the kid that ran to Boston when he found the book "

" I - " the que Regina's angry snarl falters and she just looks sad to Emma. " _She_ was untruthful . If she had just been honest from the start, if she had raised him right, he would have loved me regardless of _saviours_ and _heroes_ ".

"I think part of what makes Henry a great kid is his upbringing" Regina is stuck between annoyance and warmth. " But I also think he would have always felt some things too awful to accept or forgive".

" Good is made, not born " her eyes are hard and Emma has not wanted to punch Regina in years, but she kind of wants now. It is only the fact that she feels this part of Regina is only as desperate for Henry's love as Regina had been during that first year that stops her.

" Maybe. But I have seen enough shitty kids with pretty good parents and nice kids from a really horrible upbringing. And Henry- I don't think it would have worked. And besides, would you really have wanted him to grow up like that?".

There is a split second of hesitation, then- " He would have been fine. He would have been protected , at the very least".

Emma wants to continue to protest. She wants to navigate this minefield- and hopefully better than she did that first year. She thinks she might be able to, now that she has fought alongside Regina and talked to her and even earned her trust. Now that they are friends, she might be able to help and not add fuel to an already explosive situation.

But instead, there is searing pain. She opens her mouth and for a moment, she thinks it is the queen. But there is no outstretched hand, there is no visible sign like – she doesn't know, burning oil raining from the sky? – there is just her double over and gagging over and over again. There is her vision narrowing and blurring and the queen shrinking and-

By the time she can breathe a little again, she feels ready to scream and cry : she is a swan again.

She looks at the queen with anger and betrayal, but she merely shrugs and reaches for Emma. Emma attacks that hand, furious, but the queen hardly reacts at all. She just grabs Emma uncomfortably tight, lifts her and immediately takes them away.

They materialize in front of a Regina that looks as dishevelled as Emma has ever seen her. Her hair looks like she has run her hands through it several times, and possibly yanked at it. Her normally perfect make-up is slightly smudged. The look in her eyes is that of an animal in captivity. She is pacing, her fists clenching and unclenching as she reaches for the door and raises her foot-

Only to lower it down again.

' The two hours have not passed , dear'. It is the queen's amusement that makes Emma flap suddenly, wild enough that the queen mutters something and Emma is freed. She lands on the floor and staggers towards Regina. Whose eyes immediately zero in on the collar around Emma's neck.

" I _told_ you-".

" She is not a possession, yes yes it was all very nauseating" she waves her hand. A telephone number appears on the collar. " Now, listen carefully" Regina surges forward , only to stop inches away from the hand that is suddenly holding a softly glowing heart.

Emma starts to sneak towards the queen, judging the height between her and that heart when the queen chuckles and shakes her head. " Unless you want me to order her to do something like slip poison in Snow's drink… I would really advise you to stay there". Emma stays.

The queen brings the heart close to her lips again. " You are not to offer any insights on who this pet is – only lies or omissions. You will keep her family from her for the coming two days. If they have not discovered who she is by then, make sure that someone is with her when the clock strikes midnight. And that you yourself are absent".

She slowly lowers the heart. Regina's hand trembles and twitches slightly, but she does not manage to grab for it. " Enjoy your last few days having a family " the queen taunts, then disappears.

Regina's knee buckle and she nearly hits the ground really hard. She barely catches herself. Emma runs towards Regina, pressing against her hand. _It will be okay. They know better than that, Regina. They know you better._

 _And no matter what she tries, they won't give up on you. We won't give up on you._


	7. Chapter 7

**I don't own OUAT. Also, I am still super busy so still no time to edit anything (like operation OUAT) oops or answer the reviews individually. I do want to thank anyone reading this though; you rock! Thank you for the follows & reviews and everything. I really appreciate them!**

She can feel her shake, like a fucking earthquake actually. There are tremors, that Emma can feel because of how close she is to Regina. If that is not enough to spark her rage, to make her feathers burn as her magic jumps over them, trying to turn those useless feathers into fists- there is also the _look_ in Regina's eyes. Emma presses her head against Regina's hip, desperately trying to communicate 'I am here. Trust me. We always get through the hard stuff".

But Regina seems absent. It is terrifying, how empty her eyes look. Regina is one of the most emotive people Emma knows: her rage is like hellfire, she has an incredible smile, and _gods_ her love is something to kill for. And even during that first year, Regina had a lot of emotions. Okay, she had like two. Rage. And love. And she kind of sucked at the second one.

But this emptiness- that's unusual. That is not Regina. It makes Emma want to punch people, at the same time that it embarrasses her by making her throat all tight and her eyes water. Regina is strong, and crazily resilient. Emma has never seen her shake like this, or choke on sobs. She awkwardly sort of headbuts Regina, who shudders and finally looks at her.

There is only a second of hesitation and that half-conscious question Emma has had forever - w _hat would it be like to be held by Regina?_ \- is answered: Regina picks her up and presses Emma against her. Her hands are warm on Emma's ruffled feathers, and she can feel Regina shudder. There is the usual slight stiffness and discomfort that comes from sudden hugs (not something she had a lot growing up, unless you want to count the creepy f- don't think about that), before she relaxes and gets to enjoy.

 _Gods she smells really good. Is that her perfume or- dang it, she is crying. This is all so messed up and I am thinking about what she smells like? Did this fucking spell mess with my brain as well?_ Still, Emma can't help but notice certain things. Like how warm Regina is, or how her stomach seems to have the sudden ambition to win gold in gymnastics and soft and -

She hates herself for momentarily - not forgetting, but being distracted by how amazing it is to be hugged by Regina. _I am here. No way I am going to let her destroy you. Fucking no._ She lays her head on Regina's shoulder, hates it is the only thing she can do when Regina sobs and trembles for at least another ten minutes.

The hand on Emma's back stills, and Regina pulls back slightly. Emma stares at her. She obviously hasn't been sleeping much lately; her eyes are slightly bloodshot. And now the red has expanded, and they're is also puffy. It doesn't matter - and not just because there are things about Regina that Emma likes more than her beauty , but also because she smiles like this. When she smiles- all hesitance and something that seems shyness but cannot be because this is Regina Mills- she looks more beautiful than she ever did with perfect make-up and perfect clothing and perfect hair in her mayor days. And well, pretty much all her days.

Emma just stares and stares. Finally, Regina chuckles. Emma has to fight her traitorious eyes, that insist on closing as soon as Regina's hand resumes stroking her feathers. " Staring is impolite, dear" Emma tries to open her eyes so she can properly glare, but this stroking thing feels too good. Despite her mortification, her eyes close and she can feel her feathers fluff even more and she even makes a horrible sound- softer than that usual battlecry thing swans do.

Her eyes only open again when she hears Regina sigh. Emma is oddly disappointed that Regina's smirk has disappeared. Instead, she is biting her lips gently and looking small and scared. She never looks small- even though she actually is sort of tiny.

Emma gets that weird feeling you sometimes get under water, when your ears start to hurt, as she tries to access her magic. _I need to talk to her. I need to tell her-_ She doesn't even know what she wants to tell Regina. Anything, she supposes. Anything that will make her less sad.

" Emma!" Regina's voice is horrified, and slightly scolding. Her magic is that mix of sort-of-panicked and punishment as well, as it buzzes against Emma's own. She glares. _Why did you force me to stop? I could almost talk to you!_

She shivers as Regina's magic recedes. It changes a lot. It used to feel sharp, back when they were fighting wraiths and the air around a well she and her mother crawled out of smelled of what she now recognizes is Regina's magic. When they started becoming friends, it became kind of like incense or soft music- something calming and good. It always had spice though. After the split, it got more mellow- in a way that Emma isn't sure she likes. She would always accept Regina, but she understands this isn't really who Regina is or what she wants.

" You could injure yourself! There are barreers woven into the .. evil queen's spell Emma. Immensely powerful ones that sap your energy and could seriously injure you. Not to mention what kind of damage such spells could do to your magic" Regina's lecture-scolding is what draws Emma away from her thoughts about magic and what it feels like. She is about to give Regina her best yeah-whatever look when those eyes gentle and her feathers puff up again, Regina's touch apparently making them unable to behave.

" You should be more careful " Regina whispers.

 _Say YOU. God damn it, you have risked your life already two times this day. How am I going to protect you when you keep doing that?_ Regina snifs. "Do not look at me like that, Swan. I - " she clears her throat. " Unlike you, I am not prone to impulsive and slightly idiotic behaviour" If Emma could snort, she would. _Neverland. The trigger. Baiting your enemies. Jumping in front of a freaking sword._

Emma doesn't know what to think when she notes that Regina's smirk is just an act. It is something she has been noticing lately, how Regina seems to pretend a lot lately. " In case you've forgotten, my magical prowess is rather large" the smirk falls. " As, unfortunately, is _hers_ ".

 _Yeah. And unlike you, she doesn't have mercy. So who is more at risk, huh?_

Perhaps Regina notes how tense Emma suddenly is, or reads her expression easily. Or perhaps it's just this thing between them, the same thing that means they always know when the other is lying and somehow open up more easily. Whatever it is, Regina sighs and strokes Emma's feathers again. " I know " she mutters.

 _No, you don't fucking know. You are too busy feeling guilty and thinking you're only horrible to think about those who love you. Mom has loved you forever. Dad sees you as a friend. And Henry- you're Henry's world._ Emma turns her head away. It's too late: Regina gasps and gently turns it back.

" E-" she clears her throat. " Emma, are you- ".

She closes her eyes as Regina gently wipes at the tears. She is pretty sure she is trembling herself now, and she is weirdly grateful when Regina doesn't comment on any of it. She still manages to comfort Emma though; just being in her arms and feeling Regina's magic all around her is enough for that.

" I am not certain there is a loophole" Regina says, after walking to her bedroom and putting Emma down on the bed. The way she holds herself- crossed arms and gaze averted- makes every single instinct Emma has scream really loudly. " So" she takes a deep breath and Emma kind of expects it, is already thinking _No. Nononono NO_ when she says it " We need to think of other ways to protect your family".

 _Our family._ Emma is frozen as Regina continues. How the fuck can she talk about things like that and be so casual? Like it won't matter, like her dea- like the world wouldn't suck without Regina and her stupid smartass remarks and smirks and dangerous teaching methods and quiet protection and care and-

" If she uses my heart to control me, Emma- I will have to commit any horrible crime she can come up with. And considering she still loaths Snow, it is very likely that will include hurting at least one of your parents. You will have to stop me" she laughs. Emma still can't really see her face, just the profile of it, but it kind of sounds like she is crying again. " Both Snow's empathy and her general- well ineptitude will ensure they won't be able to stop me. So you will need to".

Emma glares. Regina finally turns her head, confirming Emma's suspicions. She shakes her head, chuckles. " Stubborn idiot" she mutters.

Emma's glare falters as Regina walks towards her and slowly lowers herself on the bed. " She will not surrender, Emma. She will attack and she will ruin everything. You have no idea what _she_ \- what I was like ".

 _I read the storybook. Also, did you forget how you kept coming after me that first year?_ Apparently, Regina can read minds now as well. ( she _really_ hopes she doesn't. There is far too much stuff about Regina in Emma's mind for that to be anything but really freaking embarrassing). " That first year was nothing, compared to what the Evil Queen is like. The Evil Queen will not stop at a 'shoddy frame job'. She will come after everything you love" it is the way that Regina's voice breaks that finally has Emma caving. "She might even- _Henry_ ".

She is silent for a while, then adds " I trust you to prevent that, Emma. You cannot- " .

Emma honks. If Regina could actually hear her right now, she would understand Emma is saying "what the fucking _Hell_ Regina, we would both protect Henry with our souls. Why would you even say something like that?"

" You do not understand. I know you. You will take obtuse risks in order to avoid hurting me, because you are _incapable_ of saving people" she chuckles. She doesn't sound amused at all. "It is literally in your DNA"

Emma honks softly. She hates it when people reduce who she is to her parentage, or the goddamn prophecy, and she thought Regina would _never._ For better or worse, Regina has always treated her like Emma. " You would be like that without the prophecy, I am sure. It is just the kind of person you are, Emma. But you cannot be like that- you cannot attempt to save me if- if the evil queen forces me to do something terrible. Henry might be there. Your _parents_ will be there".

Everything in Emma is screeching. Everything is anger and pain. She remembers feeling like this as a teenager, angry at the universe for giving her a life like this and resenting everyone who had ever abandoned her. _Regina, don't you dare. I am not doing it. I am not doing it!_ " Think of Henry, Emma. He could lose us both" she swallows, because she knows how horribly manipulative and awful the next words are. " Don't make Henry an orphan, just because you cannot help saving people Emma. You of all people should know what that is like. Do you want him to feel that way?".

Emma hasn't hated Regina in years. She might have never hated her. She hates her a little now. _Don't use Henry against me. And don't pretend like the kid wouldn't hate me forever if I allowed his mom to -if I allowed anyone to take you from us._

Regina stands up slowly, not looking at Emma. " I hope when there is a moment that you have to choose between taking unnecessary risks, and doing what is best for Henry, you will do what is best for Henry"

Emma launches off the bed and makes the most furious hissing-blating sound. Regina actually takes a small step back. _Don't you dare. You fucking JERK. WE always do what is best for Henry and it isn't you being hurt in any way. Stop trying to be a martyr , fucking Hell_. She flaps her wings, continues hissing. Regina just stands there, arm stretched but careful not to actually try to touch Emma.

She keeps spitting , not even sure whether she is still thinking or just making these sounds to let Regina know how angry she is, how this is not okay, how it is awful and low and they're _family_ and family doesn't do this. Family sticks together. They're not giving up.

She finally calms- and only because she gets too tired. She sort of sits down, staring at the floor. She can hear Regina's heels , but stubbornly refuses to look up. She is not going to give in. Regina is just starting to lower herself, reaching for Emma, who sees wet gentle eyes and a heartbreaking smile-

the door slams open and Henry runs inside. " Mom! Why are you here- grandma is going insane,she thought you had been- " he trails off as soon as he sees his mother. The split second he hadn't noticed her, Emma had sensed Regina's magic quickly hiding any trace of tears.

Regina should know better though: Henry is intuitive enough to immediately know something is off ( she likes to think he gets that from her). " Uh what happened?" _He is such a great kid._ he approaches Regina, puts his hand on her shoulder. "Mom? Are you okay?".

" Perfectly fine, Henry" she starts to straighten, throwing Emma an apologetic look that almost makes her forgive her.

Henry scoffs. " Mom. Come _on._ You haven't been able to lie to me since I was like nine".

Regina smiles. For a second, she looks happy. " I know" she does that thing where she gently touches Henry's chin and looks at him with so much love that Emma expects rainbows to explode in the air around them. "You have always been too intelligent to fool" she chuckles. " Very much unlike the rest of your family".

" Uh mom, you are included in that family you know? So technically, you just burned yourself".

" Burned- ".

" Self-burn. When you attempt to make someone else look like a fool, but instead accidentally make yourself look like the fool".

" Henry Daniel Mills, you better not have just-".

"Also, gramps and grandma aren't really _that_ thickheaded" he grins. " Mostly. Still, I am kind of glad that nurture wins over nature so many times" and of course, he is Regina's kid so he is as skilled as subtle manipulation as his mother. Regina obviously knows what he is doing- she arches her eyebrow- but shakes her head and smiles anyways. " Mi hijo inteligente".

" Si, mama" .

She laughs. Emma feels a surge of love for their son: he always makes things better. " Go tell your grandmother that I have not been abducted by another B-list villain , _before_ she sends a brigade in here".

Henry laughs. " Okay mom. Try not to take too long pretending to be 'fine' . Or- " _he gets the dramatics from his mother, I am sure._ " I will send _grandma_ in here".

" You are too attached to your comics and video games to risk that".

Henry just shrugs and walks over to Emma. " Maybe. But really - " he kisses Regina on the cheek before bending down to pick Emma up. _That's kind of adorable kid._ " Your health is actually more important than Marvel comics- no matter how awesome some of the heroes are".

" Te quiero, mi cielo".

" Te quiero, mama" he grins. Emma narrows her eyes- _what the Hell Henry_ \- as he offers her to Regina. " Does Rosa get a kiss ?"

"Rosa?".

" Named after Rosa Montero. You used to tell stories about her".

" I remember. You always liked her, because she loved to read and write - like you".

" Yeah. I don't think she read many comics though".

" I have not read anywhere she did- but then again, neither have I read she did _not_ ".

He shrugs, grins again. " Mom? Rosa would like that kiss now".

Regina eyes Emma. "I am quite certain she does not".

" Nah. I am like the swan whisperer" he jokes. " She totally does".

Emma feels her heartrate skyrocket when Regina leans in. " Well. Is my son right, _Rosa_? ".

Emma just stares at the scar, at the lips that are really close to her now. She is barely aware of Regina's chuckle, then is hyperaware as Regina leans in more and more, her eyes flutter and her breath stutters and stares at lips inches above her head-

 _God damn it mom, will you stop doing this? That, or Regina really needs to invest in a lock or whatever._ Emma doesn't really want to question why she fumes when a gasped "Regina!" makes the woman in question slowly pull her head back and blink as if she is just waking up.

Snow hugs Regina tightly, who slowly brings her arms up and rubs Snow's back. " Where were you! I was _so_ worried" there are actual tears in Snow's eyes and Emma feels horribly guilty, because she knows part of the reason Snow is nearly losing it is because Emma is still missing. If only she was strong enough to escape this curse, and stop the pain her family is obviously going through.

"Yeah mom, where were you? We were at your work and you weren't there- and someone said they saw your car at the vault" . He shrugs. " But when we got here, it was just in front of the house".

Snow grabs Regina's arm, Henry moves forward with an alarmed look when Regina tries to say something and she gasps, pressing her hand to her chest.

" Mom? "

" Regina?".

She slowly extracts her hand, her eyes flitting to it. Emma feels her magic react, the fury summoning it, as she thinks of what must be causing Regina pain. " It is nothing. I must have- " Regina's eyes flit to Emma's for a second. It is hardly noticable, but it is enough for Emma to feel slightly nauseous at the angry, helpless look.

" Perhaps it is the stress, or something similar" Regina could've become an actress: you could never guess that someone is terribly wrong with her if you looked at her now. " As for the vault- I was looking for ways to return our friend to her former state".

Henry squints his eyes slightly, then slowly relaxes and shrugs. " Cool. Did you find anything?".

Snow squeezes her arm, then lets go. " Did your books say anything about another tracking spell? You know, to find Emma".

Emma doesn't know who is most startled by Regina's dismissive tone: Snow, Henry or Regina herself. " I am not wasting anymore time. My spell should've worked- the only reason it would not, is if someone had put up magical barriers against such incantations. And the only one who should be able to , is Emma".

Henry swallows. " So you think she has left?".

Regina reaches for him. " I am certain she is fine, Henry. And she would never abandon you" It is cruel. And that is unlike Regina nowadays, so it is understandable that Henry and Snow both look suspicious and freaked out when Regina glances at Snow and adds " Emma knows all too well what it feels like to be abandoned. She would never make you feel that way".

Snow slowly reaches for Regina again, and Henry presses Emma closer to him. "R-regina?".

" I am feeling famished. Excuse me" when Regina smiles, just genuine enough to make Henry relax his grip a little and for most of the suspicion to leave Snow's eyes, Emma is the only one who sees. Henry is looking down at her. Snow is looking down at her phone, one arm linked with Regina's and the other with Henry. From the smile on her face, Emma suspects she is texting with her husband.

Emma is the only one focused on Regina, enough to see the split second of despair and terrror. She knows. The cruel remark, the indifference; those weren't Regina at all.

It is the queen,

and she has already begun trying to tear their family apart.


	8. Chapter 8

**I don't own OUAT**

She would never associate that particular emotion with Regina, so that is probably why it takes her several minutes to see it there. But whenever Henry glances away- Regina's smile withers. Whenever Snow lets go of Regina's arm to wipe food off Charming's cheeks, or look at her grandson- Regina's eyes change.

Whenever Emma catches that look, her head aches and she starts to taste iron - her magic automatically sputters to live, and her entire body starts to tingle and burn at the same time. Emma finds it difficult to describe Regina's eyes - apart from _no, terrible, she deserves better, no_ \- but it reminds her of an animal with its foot in a trap and a hunting dog barking as it runs towards them.

And Regina is brave- brave enough that she uses herself as bait from sort of demon thing, brave enough that she would go undercover and risk the anger of some of the darkest people alive, brave enought that she would follow Emma to the _Underworld._ It is so wrong to see that look there.

Emma finally can't take anymore ( and she can't do anything else, she is _useless_ ) and leaves her own chair to walk towards Regina. She gently sort of taps Regina's leg with her mouth. Who starts to smile before her entire face concorts-

 _What the-_

The laughter and her father's voice stop abruptly as Regina's chair is shoved back, the woman in question standing up. Someone's plate falls, and shatters, but everyone ignores it as they stare at Regina.

Emma can hear her family ask Regina if she is all right, and Regina's own cool reply - so very cool, almost like it had been but worse because now she is insul- _shit._ Regina still uses sarcasm like her first form of communication, and she will never stop calling certain people things like 'idiot, but it is all gentle now. Teasing. It is something they all roll their eyes at, and smile about. It is a family thing.

But Regina isn't like that at all. She is using her wit to injure- not as badly as she would have as mayor but still. And as Emma's skin drops, and she feels tiny shivers erupt all along her spine, she knows she isn't wrong.

She doesn't need the confirmation of Regina's too-rough hands squeezing her, nor the voice whispering " hello again Emma" to know it is the queen controlling her. The hands pulling at her feathers are the queen, and the soft chuckle is the queen but when Emma glances up-

The desperation and terror in brown eyes is all Regina.

" Mom!" she hears, before she is relieved from the slight pain as Henry takes her in his arms. "You are hurting her".

" I told you, I did not wish her at the table. And you did not listen".

He frowns. " But you gave me permission after I asked".

" After you kept _needling,_ yes".

" Mom, I- " Henry takes a tiny step back, and Emma doesn't need to see his face to know his expression is a combination of hurt and confusion.

Emma stares at Regina's hand, which starts trembling as soon as she tries to reach for Henry. He doesn't see it, because he is studying her expression. Regina's eyes are cool now, and she arches an eyebrow at Henry's scrutiny

" You're being weird" he says.

" You are being disobedient. Now, place her in the kitchen and return to the table".

"But mom- ".

" Henry Daniel Mills, I do not need that creature at my table".

It is so clearly the evil queen that Henry freezes , having only taken one step back towards the table. Snow and Charming slowly stand as well . " Regina, why are you being this - "

" Yes Snow, thank you for your completely unwelcome opinion"

Snow freezes, then walks towards Regina while David just stares at Regina with the same expression Emma would have if she is trying to Rubik's cube. Regina yanks her arm away as soon as Snow tries to squeeze it. Snow does notice how fake her smile is. Everyone does. Emma thinks she is the only one who notices Regina's _expression_

Which is the exact opposite of the fake smile, and the fakely sacharine tone as she tells Snow " I am perfectly fine. I just do wish a wild animal to sit at my table".

Snow cocks her head. "You were fine with it yesterday".

" I was not 'fine' with anything. I was merely not adding to my son's hurt".

" But today you want to- " Henry questions. It isn't like when he was ten- it would have been angry, and an accusion- now it is just uncertain and hurt. She can see the second where it shows how much it hurt Regina, before she is forced to fake smile again. Henry scrutinizes her as she touches his chin gently.

" I would never want to add to your hurt Henry, but we still do not know who this swan is. She may be very dangerous".

"But she hasn't done anything bad- ".

"That doesn't mean she won't".

" But mom- I don't understand. You never said anything about it before".

" Henry, when I visited my vault there were some clues- ".

He steps back, and hugs Emma to his chest. " What, _no_!".

" I am afraid so. I did not tell you earlier, because I knew you have gotten attached to her".

"Are you saying that she is a villain?".

" I am not certain, but she may be"

 _You fucking jerk._ She only has to see Regina's eyes to know how much that lie just hurt Henry. That, and she is slowly let go. " Mom- are you" Snow and Charming are both preoccupied by Henry, so that's probably why they don't catch Regina flinching badly as she tries to reach for him, the moment his voice breaks awfully.

" Mom- she can't, she hasn't tried to _hurt_ anyone".

"Perhaps she is just biding her time. But before I am certain - I cannot risk you getting hurt Henry".

" W-what are you saying?".

"That for now, I am seperating the two of- ".

" NO!" Emma is kind of grateful for it, but she doesn't understand it when Henry sinks on his knees and throws his arms around her. She can hear him sniffing. _Kid - it is okay. You still have your family, okay? And I - I am going to do everything to get back to you._

" Henry, let go of that germ-riddled- " .

" MOM" Emma tries to get her head away from Henry when he pretty much shrieks that one word, then lays it on his shoulder as she realizes he is crying. _Kid, hey it's okay._

" Henry, it is just- ".

" No, it isn't! She isn't just anything. I don't mom- I don't know, but she isn't bad. I know that".

" Henry, I cannot trust her with you. I would never expose you to a ris- ".

" But she isn't bad, I know she isn't"

Henry had his head buried into her feathers just seconds ago, but now it snaps up. Emma isn't surprised : Regina would _never_ laugh so cruelly around Henry, especially not when he is in pain. " And how would you know this? ".

She expects pretty much anything from 'I am the author' to 'I just do'. She doesn't expect to be let go and stagger back when there is a furious roar. She clumsily runs after Henry, but he is so incredibly fast.

She doesn't know whether the surprise is Regina's or the queen's.

Henry's hand are clutched at the lapels of his mother's pantsuit, and he is shaking her nearly as wildly as he is trembling himself. " WHAT DID YOU DO? WHERE IS SHE" he shrieks,

and Emma's heart falls, stops, and possibly breaks at the look that is undoubtly Regina's. _Kid, you can't possibly mean you think-_

" What did you do to my mom?" the expression is pure Regina - although she certainly wouldn't have _expected_ Henry to have an ugly scowl like this.

She doesn't think Regina would've either; she tries to stumble back and her wide eyes are brimming with tears. She sounds awful, but she still tries to speak. " H-henry" she croaks, then sobs once when he shrugs away from her.

" Nice try" he spits, and feel like she is choking on a knife at how that sounds, and how Regina stiffens and looks- " But my _mom_ would never be mean to me. So the tears are fake. _You_ are fake".

And now he is crying too, and for some reason Emma thinks of a younger Henry - except Henry had been brave to the point of foolishness. She doesn't think she has seen him look like _this_ , back then. " Y-you are not my mom. Y-you're an _imposter_ " .

Regina's smiles- her hand on his cheek . " Principito int- " Emma hears the breath leaving Regina's lungs, the same way it might if someone pushed you in your stomach. Henry just narrows his eyes, and steps back( Emma doesn't miss his hand, that he clenches into a fist and presses against his thigh after it automatically reaches for Regina)

She nods, once. " Is that any way to speak to your mother?". _The queen is back. Shit. I thought she was beating it._

" No. But you're not her"

He turns to Snow, who is pressing her hand to her mouth and looking from Regina to Henry, and Charming- who is standing in between Snow and Regina with a expression that looks too much like - _Don't pity Henry, dad, I think he reacts pretty badly to that._

" Well, what are you _waiting_ for? " he snaps. He is holding his head high, with his hand pressed against his body (like that would ever hide they're trembling) and blinking furiously.

Snow takes a few steps forward, David automatically taking her hand as soon as she leans into him and lays it on his shoulder. "Henry, we are all upset by Emma's disappearance, but- ".

" She hasn't _disappeared,_ she has been taken" he snaps, then wirls around for a moment to gesture wildly in the direction of Regina. " By _her_ ".

" Stop this behaviour this i-insant, Henry Daniel Mills. I do not tolerate- " it's awful. The words are harsh, and the tone is too- but Regina's voice is breaking and trembling. Henry takes it for theatrics. Emma thinks it is just Regina's heart shattering.

She stands somewhere in between Henry, and Regina. She wants to squeeze Regina's arm, remind her she is not alone in this, but she also wants to hug Henry and remind him she would never leave him. She will never give him up again.

" Don't you see it? She has my mom! She may even have both of them! And they could be hurt and t-they could be really badly hurt and they could even be- they could even be, they c-could- " he breaks off, then turns to Regina again.

He is crying, but the expression he has is so _furious._ " Where are they?".

" Henry, I will not- ".

" Where. Are. THEY" Emma can see her parents flinching in her eye corners, but Regina is standing still and she is only moving forward. She thinks she is the only one who recognizes the impossibility Henry is about to do-

there is a flash of something and then her heart is stopping at the same moment her body is rushing forward-

(Regina realized it, too)

and she manages to catch Henry's leg, seconds before he tries to hold the bloody shard to Regina's neck.

" Henry!" it's Snow, but it's David who pulls him away. It is David who hugs him first, and places his hand on Henry's head as he cries ' I can't hurt her. She looks like _mom_ ". And there aren't any words for a while, just soft sobs and David says " Of course you wouldn't, you would never hurt anyone" and Snow hugs him as well and talks about how good he is, and how they all know he wouldn't.

It is only when Regina collapses ( she had been fighting furiously with what Emma knows to be the queen, to take that one precious step closer to Henry) and falls to her knees with a desperate little sob that Henry pulls back from his grandparents' embrace.

He slowly walks towards her, then kneels down next to her. She slowly looks up, this really horrid contrast in her expression. He focuses on her eyes. "Mom? " he ventures. She nods. " I am sorry. I thought- "

Regina is hugging him before he has finished the sentence. "Te quiero, cielo". He lays his head on her shoulder, whispers it back. They stay like that until Regina pulls back with that megawatt Henry-smile. That rapidly dies as her gaze falls on his hands, and she gently takes them.

"Henry! Your hands, they're - " .

" Oh. I must've cut them when I had that shard in my hand".

Regina gently takes his hand. Emma's head hurts, trying to figure out whether that's the queen or Regina or both of them. " Do I have your permission to use magic?".

He stares at her, then slowly nods. " Okay ".

Regina waves her hand, and they watch the skin heal together. It is Henry that stands first, before Regina stiffly follows him. She only starts to smile again when he briefly squeezes her hand. "Thank you" he mutters.

Henry walks over to her, and picks her up. " Henry- " _That is the queen, I think._

Henry turns around, Emma in his arms. " Can she really not stay with us?". Emma nearly wants to fight when Regina gently takes her from Regina's arms- Henry sounds so sad, and he keeps one hand on her head. _Don't you worry Henry , it is not forever._

" It is not safe, Henry ".

Emma tries to turn in Regina's arms when Henry retracts his hand, and utters a really quiet "Okay". _You don't sound okay at all._

Apparently Regina is thinking the same thing she is, because she can feel Regina's hands around her tremble. Emma really had thought the queen would've fucked off by now, but apparently she hasn't. Because Regina wouldn't sound all _mayoral_ (okay unless she feels vulnerable or is trying to hide how much she is hurting, but that isn't the case now) like that with their family looking at her with sadness, and worry, and confusion.

" I will place her somewhere she is unable to hurt you, Henry".

But she is so strong - because Emma is pretty sure that as soon as someone has your heart, you can't really fight against that but Regina manages to briefly touch Henry's chin, and hold it as she smiles at him. " No one will take you from me, Henry". Snow's eyes are shining, like they are whenever Regina is loving, but Emma knows it's more sinister than that. Because if it is the queen speaking- then what is she planning to do with their son?

Regina is ripped away from their son- what Emma sees in her eyes makes her believe she has never hated Snow as much as she does the queen at this moment- and walks past Snow and David. She inclines her head, probably gives them a fake smile as she says " Snow. David".

" Regina, are you- " Snow immediately steps forward, and Regina is still carrying Emma on one arm so she uses her free hand to stop Snow. David immediately stops as well, staring at Regina with that scrunched up expression he has when Emma and he are working on a case together. " I am fine. If you would just- take care of the mess. Do you think you are capable of that, or should I be concerned about you hurting yourself worse than my son if I allow you to touch my cutlery?".

" Well, I - Regina, are you certain you are okay? You seem- " Snow glances at Regina's hand, which has just quite forcefully pushed her hand away. " Different".

" I am perfectly fine. Now, if you will excuse me"

Of course, Snow can never let anything go. So she steps in front of Regina, and lowers her voice. " Regina, you are seriously upsetting Henry, and I know that is not like- ".

" I am _protecting_ my son, while you've done nothing but endangered him".

" Regina, we didn't- ".

" I do not care you did not know. You did not support me , did you? You just stood there and allowed everything to happen. What if Henry had hurt me- have you ever thought about how traumatizing hurting his mother would be? "

" Or is it still your hobby to have children _murder_ their mothers?" _Surely mom must know now that this isn't Regina. She wouldn't sound like that, not anymore. She wouldn't try to cut so deep._

Snow pales and stumbles back. "Regina, Cora was an accident. You said that- ".

" It was not an accident. It was a deliberate attempt to get rid of my mother, _using_ me" Emma can see her mother's eyes glisten and widen when Regina steps forward, leans in close enough that Emma is pressed against her mother. " Just like your father".

It is Snow who follows her, but it is Emma's dad who pulls her back. " Regina. What is going on? If someone is threatening you- if someone is making you be like this- ".

" I am perfectly fine. I just do not tolerate your behaviour- it is Henry's mother who is missing, but you pretend like you are the only one who is hurting. It is selfish".

 _Regina?_ She suddenly almost stumbles, and Emma realizes it means the queen has finally stopped this when Regina immediately steps forward, and squeezes Snow's shoulder. " I understand you are suffering, and that it is your daughter, but Henry needs you to be the strong person he knows you are. You know how he reacts when he knows how much other people are hurting- how he thinks it is his job to make them happy, even when he is unhappy himself".

" I didn't think about that. I just- I just wanted him to know he is not alone. That we all miss Emma, _so_ much".

" I am just concerned of the impact it has on Henry".

" You don't always need to hide so much, Regina" . It is at moments like these that Emma is kind of awed by her mother. Who is slightly judgemental at times, and still sometimes makes the mistake of thinking she is so right, so good- but who also has just been terribly hurt by Regina, and still somehow can smile at her like this.

" I know. I know - it's just- " Regina glances back at Henry, who is kneeling next to his grandpa as they clean together- they're both laughing as David tells some story with a lot of gestures. " I do not wish to burden him with my issues".

"He is only going to get mad if you don't tell him when you're feeling bad, Regina. Henry is a very caring person" she smiles. " Much like his mother, actually".

Regina's hair is shorter now, so her transparent attempt to use it to hide how she is slightly teary-eyed is pretty much wasted. "Well, and I always thought he got the type of bravery that is always tethering between 'courageous' and 'idiotic' from your side of the family".

Snow laughs. " True. He _does_ resemble David, doesn't he?".

" And Emma " it is clear the queen isn't trying to control Regina anymore, or she wouldn't have let Snow hold her hand like this. " And _you_ ".

* * *

Emma is asleep on Regina's bed (what Regina doesn't know, won't make her hurt Emma) when the door creaks. Her mind registers it, but ultimately decides that possibly being hurt is not a strong incentitive to get away from dream- Regina, who is-

 _Gods, I hate the sound swans make._ Henry bites his lip, and Emma is pretty sure he is holding back a laugh at the sound she just made. "Sorry that I just startled you".

She throws him a look, one that hopefully properly communicates how _not_ okay it is to wake up your mother from a very good dream, especially not to startle her and then nearly laugh in her face. He just shrugs, and smiles at her. " Sorry".

 _Fine, I accept your apologies but can you at least ask me permission before you pick me up and- uh kid, where are we going?_ Henry tiptoes through the hallway, glancing left and right at certain intervals. Emma can't hold back a startled squaking sound when he races down the stairs with too much speed. _Shit, I wish I had hands right now._

He is panting by the time he snucks into one of the rooms Emma hasn't been to yet, closing the door quickly. She glances around curiously; there are a couple of old-looking chairs, a wooden desk, supplies she thinks may be for painting, an old chess board with only one chair.

" It is one of the hobby rooms. Mom plays chess, and she speaks several languages, and sometimes she paints. She also has some musical instruments here" he explains.

(with a sudden lurch, she remembers how she doodled in a school book ones, and the teacher asked her whether she had ever thought about becoming an artist, and grinning until her 'parent' of those six months had thrown his beer bottle at her head. She wonders whether Regina gets the same calm feeling she remembers having the spare moments she got to draw on anything)

He takes her to the back of the spacious room. She tries to take everything in- she is sure she misses things- and feels like she sees new sides of Regina. She sees the shape beneath a sheet, and envions Regina behind the piano- would she sing as she plays, or was it Henry who played? There is a corner that could be from the Frankenstein Film, and she wonders whether Regina has ever let bread explode because she was curious what mixing chemicals would do(that teacher _was_ furious. But she laughed, afterwards, because 'how did you even do that, girl?') There is a little oven that's so obviously Henry, and she grins brightly as she imagines his eyerolls whenever Regina would help him bake and say " careful, sweetie" she just knows Regina would be nearly terrified around him, but also proud at him.

There's even a table with hammers, nails, pairs of tongs, saws - Emma is half elated and half disappointed ( _shit. One more thing she can probably do for herself, and doesn't need me for_ ) . Unless it is just there, and Regina Mills isn't actually capable of fixing her own sink and-

" Oh that. Mom already taught herself some things- she doesn't really like to depend on people you know- but after the curse, uh the first one I mean, broke she had to learn some other things because there wasn't really anyone willing to help anymore and her magic was malfuncioning" Henry says when he catches her staring, missing the remaining items she wanted to stare at because her head is twisted so she can catch another glimpse off the tools.

It looks like a toy for a far younger kid, but they still manage to squeeze into the castle. Henry needs to bend his head, and he can't sit in a comfortable position but they fit. Sort of. He smiles at her. " I haven't been her since I was nine, probably. I decided my other castle was better, further away from- " his smile vanishes. " Anyways, she won't know we are here because even mom wouldn't guess it. And I took you to this place, because I know that isn't really mom"

Sometimes, Emma sees herself in Henry. He does the same shrug-and-smile thing around Violet, as she does around Ho- well actually, no Regina. Anyways, he has some habits, and he likes hot things like she does (even if they both get stomach aches) , and he likes drama classes like she used to. But right now, his expression is Regina's. Regina would have that kind of endearing slight arrogance, that d _id you really think you could fool me, you dumbass_ one.

" And I know you're my mom- I know it's you, Emma" he wrinkles his nose at the last word- he almost never calls her Emma now, unless it is something like 'yeah sure I will make my homework, _Emma_ " ( only because she isn't good at finishing paperwork). But she doesn't even care, because _you know. Henry, you brilliant little shit._

The little shit is pretty much only because he snorts when she raises her wing. _Like, anyone can forget she is a swan, and swans don't give their sons one-armed hugs. Really Henry, stop laughing._

He doesn't stop laughing for another minute.

When he finally does, she forgives him immediately. Actually, she would be really happy if he would start laughing at her again, because now he just looks sad and scared and angry. "Who did this? Who did this to the both of you?".

Emma gives him a look, that has him roll his eyes. " Okay fine, you can't talk. Ehm so I need to use yes and no questions ".

" Was it any of the people from the land of untold stories? ".

She shakes her head. "Was it mister Hyde? I mean, he has caused some trouble these past weeks, but- ".

She shakes her head again. " Was it grandpa?".

 _Nope._ He sags a little, smiles. " Okay. Was it anyone we even know?".

She nods. " Okay. Was it villain?"

 _Jesus, Henry, how am I even supposed to answer that. Because she sort of is, but she also isn't. And I thought you were done seperating the world into villains and heroes._ She finally decides to shake her head, but also nod. "What is that supposed to mean- I know you don't like it when I talk about heroes and villains, and not just people but- "

"HEY! Don't walk away, what are you- "

he is probably crawling after her but she is already running towards the desk she saw at the beginning, then squeezes her eyes and pushes at her magic. She is prepared for the hurt this time, and that taste of iron but she still sways a little when the paper falls on the floor and- well holding that pencil in the air, using it to write- it is all more heavy than the weights she used to press as soon as she had enough money to go to a gym( she had always liked PE because you don't need fancy things to be good at running, and you don't need books that your 'family' doesn't want to buy to be able to do thirty push-ups)

Her 'Q' becomes smudged, unreadable when the magic pushes at her own, and she hangs her head. There are little black spots at the corners of her sight, and she falls down again when she struggles to get up.

Henry is pulling her into his arms before Regina even speaks. " Henry. I see that you did not quite believe me".

" Where is she?" .

" Which 'she' are you talking about, exactly?"

" Did you- " it is only when his voice fades, his breath hitching, and the list of her symptoms is expanded with 'no air, thanks to Henry squeezing me to death' that she realizes what he is thinking. She thinks of the week before the queen captured her- how Henry had either always been around her, or made sure someone else was. She thinks of that one night, of how Regina had been forced to sleep - a mixture of Snow's meddling, and how exhausted she had been because of everything- and Henry's eyes as he had admitted " I know there are still people who hate her".

 _Henry, do you think someone in this town would ki-_

Regina isn't Regina right now, the laugh makes that clear. "mio chico intelligente" Emma is really starting to worry about her ribs - when did Henry even get strong enough to give crushing hugs by the way?- when the queen comes closer and Henry squeezes even more.

Henry's heart is thunkthu-thunk-thu-thunk-thu-thu- as the queen does the chin-touch Regina always does. "She will be safe, as long as you are good".

" _I_ am good. But you took my mom, and you hid my other mom from me".

The queen smiles. Her eyes are happy in a way that has Emma throw away what ever little energy she has in a desperate attempt to use her magic, to take them both away from here. To at least take Henry away- _please_

" I do not mean 'good' like your insipid grandparents do. If you obey me, _then_ your mother will be- "

Henry takes a small step forward when Regina's face contorts, and her eyes flash with purple. " H-Henry, g-get" - it like watching a video, only for it to get stuck in the middle of a speech. Henry does the exact opposite- and Emma wants to scream at him to get away, but she understands why he won't.

Who could ever just leave Regina Mills when she is terrified, and young, and obviously in immense pain?

She jumps from his arms the moment his grip lessens, and forces her heavy body towards Regina. There's pain, and this is the first time Regina's magic is unpleasant like this; her feathers ruffling and the closer she gets to Regina, the more it feels like getting electrical shocks ( except worse. Was this what that guy standing with a kite in the middle of a storm felt like?) and the more she smells wet hair burning.

They end up on either sides of Regina; Henry in front of her, grabbing her hands as she weakly tries to push him away, and Emma pressed as closely as she can manage without being burned.

Regina can't speak now, and she is sweating like she has a fever _and_ they're in the middle of a heatwave. Henry only presses closer, muttering something that maybe doesn't even makes sense. Emma can't understand it, anyways. Regina finally crumbles, and hugs him.

" Principito " Emma hears, and Regina uses it enough she knows it means " little prince" ( Emma found out one night that she stayed because of a storm outside, and two glasses of Regina's crazy cider. And Emma had remembered New York, and muttering principito to him when she was half asleep after work so she had asked Regina about the happy ending she had given them)

" Mama" Henry whispers back.

Emma automatically jumps in front of him when Regina shoves him away. She tries to take him to the door, but she is too weak and Henry too stubborn and then it's too _late._ The queen returns with a vicious smirk and the smoothening of her expression.

(Emma is reminded of like, every movie that has dealt with demon possesion ever)

" Henry. Are you willing to obey me? Or should I just - "she makes a gesture, and Emma screams as her feathers start burning. _Literally._ " NO! STOP " Henry rushes at Regina, and grabs her hand. " Stop it!".

She calmly closes it, and Emma shudders as she no longer feels like she is standing too close to a fire. Henry slowly walks backwards, scowling at the queen, but before he can get to Emma, she is flowing in the air and gently lands in the queen's arms.

"You see , I do not wish to hurt Emma".

" You just _did_ ".

" She was merely uncomfortable. I am certain the scream was because she was startled. But you see Henry, I feel less inclined to hold myself back when it comes to hurting your other mother- " her lips curl. " Or your _grandparents_ ".

Emma struggles in her arms, despite her pain nearly being at the levels of guy-I-loved-abandoned-me-and-now-I-am-going-to-give- birth-in-jail. The queen tuts, and gods Emma _hates_ how a part of her immediately feels better as that hand strokes her feathers. She wishes she could just write it down to the magic that is healing whatever using her own magic currently does to her.

"What do you want me to do? ".

Emma snaps her eyes open. _Henry, no._ She struggles again in the queen's arms, but it is all fucking useless; the queen chuckles and takes a step closer to Henry. " Nothing bad, I promise. I want you to visit her vault as soon as your family thinks you have gone to school ".

" Why?".

"I want to meet you there ".

The queen is pouring magic into Emma to keep the enormous amount her anger is fuelling from doing anything like ripping Regina's heart from the queen's hand, and possibly turn her into an animal that won't do awful things like manipulating their son. _Henry, please, don't make the same mistake of risking yourself so you can be a hero. Regina and I will take care of it, and we will make goddamn sure you don't need to-_

" Will you swear to not hurt anyone in this town in any way if I meet you there tomorrow?".

" That is a lot to ask, Henry ".

" No, it _isn't_ ".

" I will not harm anyone in this town, bar Snow White, for a week".

" No. You will not harm anyone - or it isn't a deal".

" I could hurt your mothers".

Henry swallows, but he lifts his head slightly and says " still no deal" his voice is hardly trembling.

The queen laughs like she knows Henry would never let either Emma or Regina get hurt, but she nods. " Fine. _I_ will not harm anyone".

Emma is still trying to figure out the catch in that when they shake hands and try to work out the specifics. Right when the queen walks Regina out of there, right when she glances back over her shoulder to say " oh and take Emma with you- and make sure she does not alert anyone" it is that Emma's entire body temperature drops like nine degrees.

The queen won't harm anyone-

but that doesn't mean she can't use anyone else to hurt their family.


	9. Chapter 9

**I don't OUAT**

 **Sorry for the really long time without updates- I had exams , which were Hell. But now I am FREEEEE.**

 **Thank you for the support and everything, it means so much to me. You guys are the best!**

 **I hope you enjoy : )**

It is heart-breaking, how Regina clutches to Henry and mutters things to him Emma cannot catch from her place on the kitchen ground. He finally pulls back, and she wipes his hair from his face and kisses his forehead tenderly. Emma flaps her wings, and paces as she watches them. She hisses when she catches sight of the dried tears on Henry's cheeks( it had been actually sadder than Mufasa's death to watch Henry beg his mother to just 'stop fighting, por favor mami' when Regina had panicked, and tried to overpower the queen's control over her)

The two separate, and Regina looks at Emma. " Do not trust her" she warns, and Emma just nods several times before allowing Henry to pick her up. She is fully prepared to break arms if the queen even fucking _thinks_ about hurting their son, and even Henry wouldn't be able to stop her. Which he would probably try, because he never wants to hurt people and to complicate things a lot, the queen is his mom as well.

Maybe he should get therapy again. He does occasionally talk to Archie, but it isn't really therapy anymore. Then again, that guy turns everything into therapy because the last time Emma talked to him, he started an entire conversation of what her wardrobe change could mean for her psyche and just generally made her uncomfortable. She is still thinking about that encounter ( and how she can avoid any others like it) when Henry clutches her tighter.

When she glances up, she sees why: they have arrived at Regina's vault, and its doors are creeping open.

Henry takes a deep breath, and hesitates for several more seconds before slowly walking into the vault. As soon as they are inside, the doors close. " Yup. We are definitely behaving like those people that die at the beginning of a horror movie" Henry mutters, sounding more weary and annoyed than afraid. His heart is racing though, and Emma almost cries out because of how tight his grip on her is.

His grip slackens when they actually get to where there are still potion ingredients, and the slightly gross smell of rooms that are never aired. Henry takes a careful step forward, and stares at the shadowed figure in front of them. " I am here. Like I promised, so you cannot hurt anyone" he says.

The queen steps forward. Emma had expected corsets, leather pants, jewellery, hats and odd hairdo's- but instead, she is wearing a pantsuit and her hair almost exactly like Regina's. Emma narrows her eyes, and starts to wriggle in Henry's arms until he sets her down gently and Emma can stand in front of him with her wings wide.

"Henry- " the queen breaths, and Emma flaps her wings and pushes against the queen's legs when she tries to get closer to Henry. Except the queen just rolls her eyes, and flicks her fingers and then Emma is gliding over the floor and can't get to them.

" Henry – " the queen repeats, and starts to reach for him. Emma stops flapping her wings crazily for a moment when the queen's expression drops as soon as Henry holds up his hands to keep her from hugging him.

"I know you are not my mom. You are just the part of her that is terrible, and now you are trying to hurt everyone. Even my _mom_ ".

" Henry, Regina attempted to _kill_ me".

" You are the part of her who hurt people. A lot"

" I am the part which made her _strong_ ".

" That is not being strong, that is being evil!".

" Henry Daniel Mills- "

" I want you to stop hurting people, and- ".

" I will only hurt those who deserve it ".

" They don't deserve it! They are my _family_ , and I love them".

Emma throws herself against the invisible barrier when the queen touches Henry's chin. " You deserve a better family than them. They are self-righteous, selfish and spoiled. They think they are so _good_ while they make others suffer for them".

" They are heroes and- they can make mistakes".

The queen's eyes harden. " But I cannot? Because I am a _villain_ ".

"You're literally mom's worst part! That is how this works- there is not supposed to be good in yo- ".

"Henry- " Emma _screams_ when the queen gently presses her hand against Henry's chest, like she is going to rip - " you have the heart of the truest believer in there. Do not pretend like you do not harbour the belief that I have some of what you perceive to be Regina's goodness, as well".

Henry swallows. " Do you?".

" Regina is not _good._ She is weak, foolish woman playing a role because she is terrified of losing you. She has allowed love to weaken and mollify her – surely, you cannot think she truly loves Snow White of all people? " the queen is sneering, and it should terrify all of them. But Henry is just looking at her with a very Regina-like expression, the one she has whenever people are coming up with bullshit excuses

" Yes. And you do, too " he suddenly says, with all the certainty in the world

" What?" The queen laughs. " Henry, I assure you I feel nothing for Snow but hatred".

" I think you loved her. Mom told me that – that you just loved her at first, but that you started to resent her because your marriage was really awful and other things. But you loved her first, and you still cared for her even when- ".

" That _girl_ took everything from me. She trapped me, and turned me into a pretty possession that belonged to a man everyone thought was a hero. She betrayed my confidence, and caused my true love's death. She was a spoiled, selfish and utterly oblivious person and that is all she will ever be. And even if Regina loves her- I am not Regina, am I?".

" You say you love me".

" Of course-".

" But if you really are not my mom, and if you really hate grandma, then you are _lying_ and you do not love me. If you are only who my mom was when she was the evil queen, then you are _not_ my mom and you could never love me" Henry says it calmly, but his eyes are pained. The queen looks so much like Regina that it must be like travelling back in time, and doubting his mother's love for him all over again.

" Henry, I do love you. That is why I am doing this- because your family will only disappoint and hurt you. You cannot trust them".

" They are my family, and _they_ love me and would always do what is best for me".

"They would do what they think is best"

" I am not going to turn my back on my family, and you are NOT - " .

" The first time we watched Star Wars together, you immediately wanted to see it again. You wanted to be a jedi, Batman or a firefighter. You loved Halloween, and we would spent weeks planning your costume. Whenever I told you stories, you would add your own ideas and sometimes we would write them down. You loved drawing, and whenever you found a book or comic character you particularly liked, you drew it and you drew us next to them as superheroes"

Henry looks stunned. The queen smiles. " You see , mi principito, you _are_ my son. I have raised you as much as Regina has, and I have loved you from the first moment I held you in my arms"

" If that is really true, then you wouldn't hurt my family".

" I _am_ your family. You do not need them, Henry, and I can offer you so much more than they ever could".

" I already get everything I need from them- ".

" I could give you servants, so you would never have to clean your room. I could use my magic to give you the powers those comics always talk about. Any person you liked would have to love you- you could have anyone you wished for ".

" I just want someone who likes me as much as I like them, and who understands me. Like mom and dad".

" _Dad_ – you mean the worthless person who abandoned your mother without a second thought? Who was as much a coward as his father, and left her to pay for his crimes?".

" Don't talk about my dad that way! He died a hero, and he didn't know- ".

" He knew what would happen to Emma, and he knew how she had been abandoned by anyone before him. He knew her parents left her on the side of the road, and how that must have damaged her. He knew about her foster parents choosing their 'own' child over her and yet did not think twice about letting her think another person had left her again. He _knew_ how much he would hurt her, and he did it anyways"

Henry takes a step back, staring at the queen. Regina had never dared to criticized Neal too much ( and maybe she hadn't cared enough about Emma yet. Maybe), knowing Henry idolized the man and would begrudge any criticism. And Emma had never thought Henry's opinion could be swayed, had thought that the old argument 'it was to break the curse' would grant Neal forgiveness from any hero. And she had liked Neal, _really_ had.

In the end, Henry had never really had to think about what Neal had done to his mom.

But now he looks at her, and Emma knows. She knows he is suddenly thinking of that moment on his castle a lifetime ago, when she had opened up about how much that first family had hurt her when they sent her back. And Henry is smart, intuitive and empathic. She takes a step back the moment his eyes tears up, and his cheeks heat and he looks _ashamed._

" Mom- I am s-sorry" he says, and gods her head hurts immediately but she tries to at least get her voice back anyways.

"I didn't – you must've been really hurt" he whispers, and this time she actually gets to run towards him. Maybe keeping it up is just too exhausting( although that is unlikely, because Regina's magic sometimes seems an endless supply)or maybe there is a vastly different reason but the shield is gone so she runs towards Henry, he sinks to his knees and she first tries to hug him but then just jumps on his legs and presses against him.

" I am so _sorry_ " his voice breaks, and gods does she wish it was puberty.

She tries to talk again, but her mouth tastes of iron and all that comes out is a sort of squeak and so she shakes her head and allows him to wrap his arms tightly (too tight) around her and bury his face against her. She can feel him shake, and she thinks it might be more than the thing with Neal. Despite how much she has hoped and later, when she had met him, tried to avoid it – he is not a stranger to doubting whether someone loves you, and questioning why people do things that hurt you.

She can't get the way he looked at the queen before he got angry out of her head. She wished she could tell him that he is loved, by _any_ version of Regina, and by so many other people.

" Henry- ".

He slowly pulls back, and the queen almost falters when she sees the red eyes and the tears. _Almost._ Her voice is almost gentle too. " Your biological father should not be on a pedestal, especially not after hurting Emma like that".

"Like you _care_ " Henry snaps

" I do. I would prefer not to hurt Emma. As long as she does not attempt to take you away from me, I have no issue with her".

" I won't be with you, you are not my mom. I already have two mothers, who _love_ me and raise me and don't hurt anyone".

The queen shakes her head. " Regina hurt as many people as I did – why can you forgive that? ".

" Because she _changed._ She fought really hard, and she became a hero. And I know she was made into a villain and I was really angry at her for hurting people and lying but she has saved grandma and Storybrooke and fought for my family. And you want to hurt them. And you are _lying_ , because you are the worst part of her and that part of her doesn't love".

"I love you. I want what is best for you, which is _not_ living with a family that would give their children up with something as fickle as _hope_ the only thing to protect them".

"You gave me up as well"

" _I_ would not have given you up. I would have left town with you and Emma ".

" But you would have left the rest of my family under a _curse_ ".

" Henry, you do not need them. You would be happier without them, I am sure".

Henry gives another Regina-like look, one that perfectly conveys contempt and slight disgust. " They are my family, and I love them".

" I could take you anywhere you wished. We could visit any foreign country, or go to any realm you wish to travel to. I might even be able to teach you _magic_ ".

" I do not even have magic".

" No, but you have the author's pen, and I am fairly sure you could give yourself magic that way. Or we can find some other way, if you wanted it".

"I don't. You can offer me nothing that would tempt me enough to be your son".

The queen smirks. "Oh really?" she waves her hand, and Emma tries to summon a fireball or anything the second she hears Henry scream, and she is thrown back herself. There is a lot of chaos, Henry yelling things and her blood rushing. She has the worst headache, and she can't move without feeling like she is pulling at least half of her muscles.

As soon as the pain becomes manageable, she is aware of her own voice.

" HENRY" it is high, broken and very hoarse but it is her _voice._ She pushes herself up, smiles and – sees Henry's relieved smile change to a grimace.

" Uh mom?".

" Yes- let him _go_ , Regina" she orders the queen, who still has her arms wrapped around Henry even though he is no longer trying to run towards Emma.

" mom. You're naked" Henry says, and it is only then that Emma realizes he is looking away now, and still grimacing. She slowly looks down at herself and-

" REGINA !" she yells, as soon as she catches sight of her chest that is very much _not_ covered by anything" Could you not have transformed _and_ clothed me? ".

The queen slowly lets go of Henry, and smirks. Emma starts to stand up- only to barely hold in a curse when she falls and her hands burn as they get chafed as she uses them to catch herself. She kind of feels like she has a bad fever, so she doesn't try to get up again.

The queen stops next to her, and smiles. Emma's heart literally stops for several seconds when there is a rough hand grabbing her chin ,and glances at Henry ( he is still not watching, fortunately). She doesn't know the way her stomach drops when the queen slowly lets her chin go , and Emma feels a tug on her hair-

And watches the small feather in astonishment. "Am I covered in those? " she wonders, and Henry glances at her automatically, says something in Spanish she just knows is either a curse or 'gross!' , and covers his eyes. She rolls her eyes. " Now you are overdoing it. I am not Medusa, you know" .

" Mom, just put on clothes. _Please_ ".

" In would love to, but I don't think I can do much right now. Or anything, really" she glares at Regina. " What did you do to me, Regina?".

" The magic you attempted to use has exhausted you, and the transformation back to human is taxing as well".

" Just- help me?"

The queen leans in. " You think I will _help_ you?".

" I am kind of pissed at you, but I am also starting to think you are a lot more like our Regina than you want us to think. So yes, you can help me. Or at least put clothes on me".

The queen chuckles, and Emma suddenly realizes she is still wearing a collar when the queen yanks on it for a second. " Why? I like you like this- " her voice drops " You are much more tolerable naked and – ".

" Okay, _enough_ " Emma furrows her brow, and tries to concentrate. She immediately cries out, and feels her nose start dripping. She stares at the droplets of blood, and is just about to try again when there is purple smoke and she is wearing jeans, a black tank top and a leather jacket of really high quality, with swans decorating the sleeves.

The queen presses her fingers to Emma's temple, and Emma could seriously hug her for how the pain immediately disappears. " Do not be moronic like that again, for I will not be this lenient the next time " the queen scolds.

" Mom? What happened? Are you all right- " Henry finally drops his hand and looks her way. He hugs her, and grabs one of her arms to help her up. It is embarrassing, how she sways and has to lean on him until her head stops spinning.

She clutches her throat. "Can you vanish this thing?".

The queen chuckles. " No".

" I am not a pet, so vanish the da- the thing"

" Why did you even give her that? " Henry says, glancing at the collar. Emma is really glad he isn't looking at the queen, because her expression- well, it makes Emma's cheeks heat up, and her stomach tighten. _Think of something gross, gods Henry is right there, think of something absolutely disgusting-_

" It is very simple. I enchanted this collar, so that Emma will transform at midnight. I told you that you had two days, did I not? " .

"I don't- ".

" I am going to assume your dear parents will not yet accuse Regina. And you will not be conscious, Emma – ".

" You can't- ".

" Hush, Henry. You will not be conscious Emma, so you will not be able to explain anything, and I will tell Regina that she is only allowed to say things that will make people more suspicious of her- ".

"So it is true. You have my mother's heart" Henry says, staring at the queen with something very close to hatred. Emma is just wondering when her life got so weird that a hallucination would honestly make more sense.

" Mio chico intelligente " the queen says , smiling. " Of course you knew ".

" I thought so. When mom behaved like that- I thought someone may have abducted her, and impersonated her. But I saw the Q before it was gone so- " .

" You knew then " Emma finishes. Although he probably suspected before then, because he is ridiculously smart sometimes.

" I know my mom, so it was easy to see she wasn't herself. That something was going on, and as soon as I knew for certain it was you , it wasn't difficult to figure out what had happened. And you just confirmed it"

He looks at the queen. "And I am not going to let you hurt her".

" Oh, I am not going to ".

" You are not?" Henry says, looking about as suspicious as Emma feels right now.

" She can do that herself, she has proven quite exceptional at it these last years. _Pathetic_ ".

" What- ".

" I am only telling you this, because I am offering you a deal".

Emma gently pushes Henry behind her, and takes a step towards the queen. Her head immediately starts throbbing, and for a second , she only sees black and all sound becomes really distant, like she is underwater. But at least it works, and she has her gun in her hand.

" We are not accepting your deal. The only deal I would take is one where you leave everyone alone, and I _don't_ shoot you in return".

" Emma. If you harm me, you will also harm Regina. We are connected, so that any injury you inflict on me, you will also inflict on her. I already tol- ".

"HENRY!" Emma yells when the gun is suddenly ripped from her hands, and thrown away. She turns around to scowl at him. " You could have hurt someone!".

" The safety pin was still on. And you were going to hurt mom!" .

" I was- ".

Regina takes a step closer, smiles. " She will not be able to hurt me, mijo"

" She could, and then my mom would be hurt too " Henry is still glaring at Emma so he never sees Regina's face fall. If Emma had ever doubted whether this part of Regina could feel anything, she no longer has to ask that question. The split second Regina is not hiding her feelings, her expression makes Emma's throat close.

" I have magic, I can easily stop bullets Henry. So you do not have to worry about your _mother_ ".

" I – "

"No more talking. _Listen_ " the queen says. Emma nearly surges forward and punches her when she realizes the gesture she just made, was to magic away Emma's voice or something. Like they're freaking Ursula and Ariel, Jesus Christ.

The queen paces. " My deal is the following. You will both leave Storybrooke with me , and Regina's heart will not be crushed. Snow and Charming will not end up in my dungeon ".

She snaps her fingers, and Emma feels her throat tingle. She correctly guesses her voice has returned "You can't crush Regina's heart, you just said so"

The queen smirks. " Oh, I have my methods. For now, this connection between Regina and I serves me well. But I could break that connection, and crush her heart".

" But you do not have your heart " Henry pipes in, brow furrowed. " Are you not only alive because mom still has her heart, and the connection between you means you can like share her heart without it having to be in your chest?".

The queen's eyes become almost soft when she looks at Henry. She doesn't quite look like Regina, but Emma could almost be fooled. "Very well, my little prince" she compliments. " It is true that I am alive, because Regina still has her heart and there is a connection between the two of us. But I assure you, I have a way to survive without Regina as my life support"

Henry crosses his arms. "I don't believe that. You're bluffing".

"Even if I am lying, I could still break our connection and either put her under a sleeping curse or some other induced coma" the evil queen slowly smiles, a smile that makes Emma look longingly in the direction of her gun, and her heart race. Even Henry pales a little. " Or I could use something a little nastier, perhaps something that will destroy her soul ".

Emma frantically tries to think of something, anything, that could mean they don't have to take this deal and can still help their family. Or – " What does this deal mean, really?".

She glimpses Henry's incredulous, betrayed expression but she ignores it. The queen, on the other hand, looks like someone just handed her Snow's head on a plate. " Are you considering it?".

"I just want to know what you even expect from us. Where would we even go? " _If we have some time, we can break this curse. Or at least find some way to warn everyone, and make sure Regina doesn't hurt anyone._

" Mom, you can't seriously be considering – ".

Sometimes , she really wished she could use telepathy. If she could, she didn't have to settle for throwing Henry a look and hoping that his pretty devious mind (courtesy of Regina, _definitely_ ) gets that she is not actually considering telling their entire family to fuck themselves, but is instead doing something that could arguably be the most stupid and self-destructive thing ever. She is deceiving the evil queen.

" Henry, I am trying to protect you. Mom, dad _and_ Regina would want that. They would do anything to protect you"

She looks at the queen again. " So? What exactly would you want us to do?".

" I would wish for you to pack your belongings, and never return to Storybrooke. I already have .. borrowed Jefferson's hat, so we could visit most of the realms if you wished to. We could see more of this world, and we could eventually find a place to move into".

Emma is sure that Henry has the same expression of suspicion and disbelief. He does share some of her expressions, after all . " And we are supposed to believe that is all you want? No death and destruction, or ripping out hearts and controlling people? ".

" That is never what I wanted ".

It is oddly unlike the queen. Not as much because of what she is saying, but how she says it. When she glances at Henry, she sees the same uncertainty and empathy she feels. She is pretty sure he is still angry and weary, but he also can't ignore that even the evil queen is a lot like his mom and seems to have the same deep and rotting scars Regina does.

Even if she often hides it. Even if she always tries to hide it.

" All right. So we would leave with you, and everyone in Storybrooke would be fine? ".

" I would only truly harm Regina, Snow and Charming- and not half as much as they deserve".

Emma shakes her head, crosses her arms. " No deal. I am not going to allow you to hurt any of them"

The queen chuckles. " I will hurt them regardless of what you decide. But if you leave Storybrooke with me- ".

" Wouldn't it bother you? That we only are with you because you forced us to ?" .

" As soon as you are away from your family's influence, you would see everything much clearer "she looks at Henry. " I could offer you a life that you would love".

" I love my life in Storybrooke".

" You just think you do, because you have so little to compare it to"

She looks at Emma, who feels the room suddenly become claustrophobic when there is a certain understanding in the queen's eyes. Like the queen is reading her mind, or using a dreamcatcher to see Emma's entire life, every moment she would never want anyone to see. " You did not want to be here, Emma. You wanted to leave for New York- we can go there. We could even live there, whenever we felt ready to do so".

It is a struggle, but Emma manages to keep her expression disinterested. She had thought she was okay in Storybrooke, that she was content. Turns out she just buried it, and forced herself to enjoy this crazy life and all the expectations. " I have my family in Storybrooke, and that is all I ever wanted".

There is that look again, the one that makes her shuffle her feet and look at the exit longingly. "Storybrooke is also a town filled with people that expect you to bring them their happy endings, to protect them and to put their happiness first. Even your parents- ".

" That isn't true! Grandma and grandpa love Emma, and just want her happy " Henry interjects.

The queen snarls. " Snow and Charming have their own expectations for the _saviour_ "

" They never really wanted me to be the saviour. They thought giving up my magic was a great idea"

" That is the thing though, Emma" it is weird, how the queen almost looks at Emma likes she cares a lot. Like she admires her. She must be one hell of an actress. " They have never valued how special you are. They have an idea of who their daughter would become, and they fail to see how you may have your scars but you have become a better person than they could ever made you".

" Uh thanks?".

Regina looks at Henry. " And they expect you to be some sort of hero -even though they make faults themselves- and never feel things like envy, jealousy and anger".

" I don't want to feel that".

" No, but you sometimes will. And you should not feel like you are supposed to be kind and generous and selfless all the time. You are allowed to want things for yourself, and to hesitate when people ask you for help if it means you would endanger yourself or lose something you care about".

" I will always help people"

"If you are not going to offer to at least not hurt Regina and my parents, we can talk about this forever but you won't convince us. You will _definitely_ not convince Henry".

Emma makes sure to shield Henry with her body again when the look in the queen's eyes changes. She even readies her magic, although that feels pretty much like beating her head against a wall. " I can be quite convincing "

"Sure, whatever"

" All right, Henry. If I cannot convince you by offering you voyages, material belongings or even people- then what about this?"

It is Henry's scream that makes her throw a punch, even though it is pretty much useless. She is burning, and all her muscles feel like she has suddenly tried to do a split and severely overestimated her body's flexibility.

"STOP " Emma tries to fight against the magic, she really does, but she can't keep her bones from changing. " YOU ARE HURTING HER".

Emma actually drops to the floor, but the only pain that registers is the one that is caused by Henry's sob. His eyes are wide, and there are tears but the most painful and startling thing is the way he is scowling. How angry he looks, and she isn't surprised when he rushes forward ( she can't even scream at him to stop him) and pushes at the queen.

"Henry- "

" If you would care for her you would not hurt her".

" I could remove the curse, and make sure no one ever hurts her. Is that what you want?".

Henry calms slightly. " Yes".

" Then that is my offer. You and Emma will leave town with me, I will only harm Snow, Regina and Charming and Emma will not only no longer have a curse to worry about, but will be safe from her destiny as the saviour as well ".

" You can't hurt any- "

Emma is still leaning on her hands, breathing shallowly, when she hears the queen walk her way. She hears Henry scream something about letting him go, but her head is so heavy and she can't look up no matter how much she struggles. Then it is yanked up, and she is staring into familiar brown eyes.

" Regina" she coughs. _Stop hurting him, you idiot._

Her heart stops, then starts to beat really fast like it wants to run as much as the rest of her. The queen's hand is pressed against her chest, and Emma stares at her with widened eyes. She can hardly believe this. _After everything, you are going to try that?_

" You already let me take your heart once, for someone who most certainly did not deserve it "

"I don't- " she gasps. When Cora tried it, it was a really uncomfortable and wrong feeling. When Regina actually took her heart, it wasn't nice but it wasn't really unpleasant either. The queen does it, and it goes smoothly. She feels intense warmth that is quickly replaced with intense cold and then she is staring at her own heart in Regina's hand.

" NO! " Henry screams, but he doesn't move. Emma realizes the queen has probably use some sort of spell to freeze him, but it is slightly muted. Like, sure she kind of wants to punch the queen for it but she isn't immediately struggling to her feet to actually do it. Instead, she stares at her own heart ( it has less dark spots than she expected) and shudders as the grip on her heart tightens slightly. She feels warm again.

The queen turns back to Henry. " Wil you agree now, Henry?" she brings the heart closer to her lips " Or should I command Emma to- "

" No! Can we – can we think about it? Please?".

Emma shivers when Regina more or less presses her lips to the glowing heart in her hand. "Emma – ".

" It is my family, I love them, you can't- " and maybe it is how Henry is trembling, or how he looks furious and terrified and devastated all at once. Whatever it is, the queen hesitates but then nods. "You have a week"

Henry's shoulders drop slightly. He nods. He glares when the queen steps towards him, but doesn't step back. " I am going to transport you to home now, Henry. Your mother will stay behind, so I can speak to her – ".

" What - _no._ You can't – "

"I am going to have a conversation, not force her to commit murder. Calm down Henry"

" But- ".

" I can just as easily make you forget this ever happened".

Henry glares at her. "I would find out again".

" Most likely. But you would have no idea I was in possession of your mothers' hearts, would you?".

" No, but I would know something was wrong. And it would prove you could never be my mom, that you will always be _evil_ ".

" I am not evil – and you will understand that. Now, me and your mother need to talk "

" You can't hurt her".

" You have a week , Henry " is all the queen says, and then there is purple smoke and Henry is gone. At least he is safer there. Maybe she should worry about herself, but she can't when the queen looks exhausted and heart-broken for a second. Then she turns, and her entire expression changes.

The way the queen is watching her makes her kind of nervous, so she just blurts out the first thing on her mind. "Why do you even want me there? " at the queen's slightly confused and exasperated look, she elaborates " Why do you want me to leave Storybrooke with you guys? Why not just Henry?" She hadn't really thought to ask, but she had wondered for a moment. Oddly enough, Henry had not questioned it at all.

She stares when Regina just laughs, and shakes your head. " You either hide low self-esteem behind all the bluster and attitude or you are exceptionally dim. I hope it is the former".

Emma rolls her eyes. " Can you just- ".

" The truth is , _miss Swan_ \- " Regina saunters over her, and stops when she is incredibly close. " You are unrefined and rude. You barrelled into my town, ignoring my rules and restrictions, and pretended like you had any right to Henry even though it was a closed adoption. I have been annoyed and infuriated by you".

" Okay, so you are a masochist. Got it" Emma muttered.

" _But_ I have also been awed. You are courageous, intelligent and caring. You do not divide the world into good and evil, but accept that the world is more complex than that. You understand me, and my past without just forgiving it. You _challenge_ me and add something to my magic as well as to my life"

Regina says this all rather matter-of-factly, like Emma should already know. " So, Emma, I want you there because I rather enjoy your company when you are not attempting to be whatever bland, boring hero type or princess your parents would want you to be. I happen to admire the person you became, the one that is strong and empathic and independent".

" I don't- " Emma was going to protest, call Regina on her bullshit. Because really, if she liked Emma so much she wouldn't hurt her like this. Except then Regina grabs her arm to yank her up and she stumbles, and she suddenly is leaning on Regina, with her hands grabbing Regina's shirt and her lips pressed to Regina's cheek.

It is different, being this close to Regina, when her heart isn't in her chest.

" Are you going to hand me my heart back? ".

"That depends on what your answers will be"

" You haven't asked me any questions".

Regina throws her a look. " Do not be a smartass".

Emma just shrugs. " Fine, ask me then".

The queen smiles. " I wish you to help me hurt Regina".

" What- _no._ No way. No fucking way"

One time, Emma went to a party and drank too much. She didn't really have any friends, so she had to walk home all alone. And then someone grabbed her arm, and tried to pull her into an alley. It was so dark, and silent, and there were no people and Emma could hardly stand. She thought that would be the most terrified she would ever be.

It isn't. When the queen slowly moves the heart up, and Emma knows she is going to say 'hurt Regina' that is the most terrifying thing.

There is the sound of thunder, and several things around them explode. The queen is only barely on time when she summons the shield against the explosion of light magic bursting from Emma. Then the shield shatters, and the queen drops to the floor. Before she can get up, Emma gets to her feet and rips the hear from her grip. She stumbles back, gasping.

 _If I hurt her, I hurt Regina._

The queen pushes herself up again, looking remarkably calm. " Control your emotions, unless you want to blow us up" Emma blinks, and calms down enough to look around and assess all the damage around her ( glass everywhere, a crack in the floor, fires in the back). And that is when she realizes she is looking through an enormous amount of grey-coloured magic that behaves like a stormy cloud hovering around them.

" I don't know- " Emma stares at the hand suddenly covering hers. Around them, objects that had been flying wildly around the room like they were in the middle of a tornado suddenly drop to the floor. The magic disappears, and Emma's knees buckle. She pushes the queen away anyways.

The queen hardly seems to notice. "You must have been feeling very strongly for that to happen".

" You are not going to hurt her"

" Emma- "

" I mean it. Hurting me is one thing, but you made Henry cry several times already and Regina- _ah_ " she looks down at her own chest. The queen's hand is still pressed against it, but the heart Emma had in her hand is now back where it belongs. It kind of hurts actually, and she takes too large breaths until the queen mutters 'calmly'.

" Why did you do that?".

The queen stumbles back, and stares at her own hand. Now she is the one who is breathing irregularly. Emma crosses her arms so she won't reach for the woman, and waits until she has composed herself. It doesn't take long. That expression Emma can't even figure out is replaced by a familiar smirk and the queen prowls towards her.

"Perhaps Henry will not be easily swayed. But you and I are similar, _Emma_ "

" I wouldn't count on it".

The queen chuckles, and moves in for the kill. " We will see about that" she promises, and pulls her head back only to press a kiss to Emma's cheek, and vanish. Emma Swan is left standing in the middle of the remains of potions and mirrors, her cheek burning and her heart thumping. Just when it is starting to slow, there is pain that makes her black out-

When she comes to, she is a swan again.


	10. Chapter 10

**I do not own OUAT. I am really grateful for the support, and wonderful comments. They mean more than I can explain, honestly. All your comments just make me smile really brightly and I love you guys for reviewing, even though I don't think my writing deserves the praise.  
**

 **I might look at this one more time tomorrow , but I am going to bed now.**

 **I hope you enjoy.**

Henry hasn't given up. Henry, their stubborn, brave, sly son is still working on it. In times like this, when Emma is exhausted and Regina is trying to hide just how hopeless and self-destructive she is feeling inside, the heart of the truest believer is the only thing that keeps their little family together. Emma might be the saviour and someone who always keeps fighting, and Regina might be a reformed evil queen and the most resilient person , but Henry has his own strength.

Henry never stop hoping, and believing. There has yet to be something invented that will get Henry Daniel Mills to stop making plans, and stop helping his moms defeat the newest villain or find a solution to the newest problem. This isn't any different.

He strokes Emma, who is laying next to him, and looks at his mom. They're all in Regina's room, sitting on her bed and brainstorming on Henry's insistence. They have been at it for hours, and nothing seems good enough.

" Henry, we do not – ".

"Come on mom, this isn't the worst thing we've ever faced"

His mother laughs, incredulous. " My other half is alive, your mother is cursed, and I will be framed. _Again._ Or you will have to leave town, and never return. There is no telling what she will do to those that stay behind".

" I don't think it is the worst" Henry says, slowly reaching out for his mom's hand and squeezing it once before softly pulling on her arm, making sure she knows that she should move out of her chair and sit on the bed as well.

She does. " I will lose you again, mijo" his mom says, and it's like she has forgotten everything, because she doesn't control her emotions, doesn't hide them like usually and instead just lets the tears fall.

" No- I won't let her. I won't let her tear our family apart".

Regina sighs. " That may be out of your control, mi principito"

" No, because we're going to work together and no one can stop you guys, right?".

" I cannot break Emma's curse"

"No, but we've got time. Come on mom, we can do this!".

Regina sighs, and absent-mindedly starts petting Emma. _Damn feathers._ Emma is kind of torn between scooting away from Regina's hand, so that there will be no further embarrassment, and offering Regina comfort. She finally stays.

" Bueno, mi cielo" Regina keeps petting Emma, and smirks at the little feathers sticking up, as well as how Emma keeps glaring at them like they've burned her leather jacket. She playfully nips Regina's finger, and Regina just arches her eyebrow at her.

"Maybe we can find some way to trap her?" Henry offers. " You used that spell to trap yourself in the vault, right?".

"That might be possible, but it is no long-term solution"

"But the only long-term solution would be- " Henry swallows, and looks away. Emma nips Regina's finger again, harder this time, as she obviously guesses what Regina is thinking about. What the _easiest_ 'solution' would be.

"Yes. Well. I will attempt to find some way to- "

"MAMÁ " Henry screams, scrambling over to Regina when she doubles over and makes a pained sound that sticks in her throat and comes out sounding like she is choking. Her entire face is contorted with pain, and there's sweat on her brow.

Behind them, there is a chuckle.

Henry jumps of the bed and stalks over to the queen, at the exact same moment Emma runs off the bed shrieking, her wings out, and barrels into the queen's legs. Emma forces Henry back, then tries to attack the queen. _Tries,_ because the queen just snaps her fingers and suddenly Emma is writhing on the floor.

She gently pushes Henry away, then tries to get to Regina. He steps in front of her, glaring fiercely. " You will have to hurt me if you want to do anything to mom. I won't let you"

The queen chuckles, and holds up the heart. She brings it to her lips, and Henry mutters a curse that makes Regina snap her head to him before freezing and relaxing. It sends shivers down Emma's spine : Regina's eyes are just empty, and her arms are hanging by her side like she has lost all control over them.

" Stay there until I command otherwise" the queen says, and Henry makes a mad dash for the heart, only for it to vanish. He stumbles and pushes the queen's hand away when she tries to steady him. She purses her lips, then goes to Emma.

" Leave them alone! Both of them" Henry says, running over- and stumbling again when the floor beneath his foot suddenly seems to melt, and he is glued to it. He quickly kicks off his shoes, and tries to find a way to avoid the floor, when something slams into him and he falls to the ground. the blankets that used to be on his mom's bed move like snakes, and suddenly his is tied up on the floor.

The queen kneels next to Emma, and caresses her cheek for a moment. Emma pushes the hand away, then tries to push herself up. She isn't successful, but she keeps trying until she actually falls. The queen chuckles again.

" You truly are a persistent one " she notes, and Emma has about two seconds to wonder how she has the same smile as Regina before there is pain and confusion as she stares at a softly glowing heart. A second softly glowing heart

Henry screams. Regina's eyes widen and she curses the queen, awful English words and hateful Spanish ones. The heart in the queen's right hand starts to glow more brightly as Regina obviously struggles against the control the queen has over her, and Emma struggles to her feet.

She is already pulling her hand back for a punch when it happens. The world seems to sway around her, and she is already thinking _oh fuck_ and tensing herself in expectation of falling on the hard floor when there are arms holding her. She stares at the levitating hearts around them, trying to reach for Regina's. It disappears when she almost has it, vanishing in a small puff of dark purple smoke. The queen wipes some of her hair away.

"I completely understand her fascination with you" she says, and Emma stares at her. The queen confuses her at moments at this, where she is so much like Regina that it is difficult to distinguish between the two. Emma really needs to know how this split thing works, exactly, because she usually thinks there is still good in the queen. And she can't afford it to be wrong about the queen.

" Always fighting for her, standing up for her. Thinking she _deserves_ it- " the queen is now supporting her with only one arm, Emma leaning heavily against her as her head keeps spinning, and she brings Emma's heart closer to study it. " And you've made some mistakes at well. You're not the good, pure daughter _dear_ Snow would want" she whispers, like they're sharing secrets.

Henry struggles against his constraints. " Let her go "

Regina seems furious, although she is still frozen in the same expression. "You- " Emma struggles in the queen's hold when Regina's heart appears again for a second, just long enough for the queen to command her to 'be silent until I tell you otherwise'.

" Don't do that to Regina" Emma says, trying to escape the queen. The hold just tightens, and she shares a look with Henry. " And let our son go, he shouldn't need to see this".

"He will think I am lying if I tell him I have once again returned your heart to you. He has to see it"

Emma slowly relaxes in the queen's hold. " You're going to return it?"

The queen's eyebrow arches. " Of course" Emma isn't surprised when she smirks, and slowly places Emma on the ground. She shivers as the queen's magic wraps around her, and leaves her dressed in an army-style leather jacket and jeans. She actually trembles when the queen digs her fingers in her shirt and yanks her head closer, close enough that their lips brush.

"Hey, our kid is- " she realizes the mistake, but she doesn't correct it. If only because the queen's eyes light up for a split second. Emma tries to fight, she really does, but she feels like she has a concussion, a fever, and is intoxicated as well. In the end, she can do little more than just let the queen push her back, and use magic to keep her there.

She rises and Emma and Henry share despaired looks, and both try to fight against their constraints desperately, as the queen strides towards Regina. Emma focuses on all the emotions inside her, all the rage and worry and annoyance and fear and _pushes._ There's an enormous pressure on her head, the room blackens at the edges and she slumps, but she can feel it even before she sees the magic slamming into the queen and pushing her away from Regina.

The queen smirks. " And so powerful, too" she says, seemingly unbothered even if it must've hurt. She places her hand against the shimmering magic that keeps her trapped away from Regina. " There's just one little thing" she says, and black-purple tendrils of magic mix with Emma's own light grey. "Our magic is still very compatible " she says, and the shield starts to fade.

Henry exhales shakily when the queen tries to take a step, and instead stumbles back. She narrows her eyes, and he wriggles and strains as soon as the heart appears again. " Vanish Emma's magic" she commands, and the shield and the heart vanish at the exact same time.

Emma can only watch as the queen looks down on Regina, and slowly drags her off the bed. Henry is still on the floor, rubbing his hands frantically together trying to loosen the knots tying his hands together. He freezes when the queen holds her hand out, and a second heart disappears.

"We are going to play a little game " the queen says, and Regina stares at her with dawning realization and an abundance of horror.

"No" she whispers

"Oh yes" the queen answers, and waves her hand. A small table appears in front of Regina, with one of the hearts laying on it. The other is in the queen's hand, and Emma lets out a small groan when she squeezes it.

" Now. I have Emma's heart- " she squeezes it again, making Emma grit her teeth at the pain. " and this little thing on the table is someone else's heart. It isn't yours, or Henry's. I will not tell you who it belongs to"

" I will not hurt anyone "Regina says

" Oh, but you will. Because I am giving you a choice. Either you squeeze that heart to dust, and kill whoever it belongs to, or I will bereft you of the saviour"

" You care for her" Regina protests.

" A choice, which is more than _I_ ever had" the queen ignores her.

"You will not hurt her".

The queen smirks. " Did you not hurt those darling little children you wanted to stay with you? Did you not hurt your only friend, twice? "

Regina glances at Emma, and swallows. " I can't- "

The queen shrugs. "So you choose this person over Emma Swan? You prefer someone else just like her first family did?".

" No! I just will not hurt an innocent"

The queen just smirks, and says nothing. " It could be anyone. You do not know who it is, or whether they will even be missed. Can you say the same about your precious Emma Swan?".

" You will not convince me"

The queen shrugs, and squeezes and Emma bites down on her lips, because it hurts, gods it hurts so much- " NO MOM STOP " all the pain disappears when Henry screams, voice cracking and everything. (no, it doesn't disappear, it's just replaced by a different kind of pain)

The queen slowly turns, and smiles at him. " You will thank me later".

"No, I won't! You're hurting my mom and threatening someone's life and – just _stop_ "he says, and Emma actually believes the queen will for a moment. Not because her expression changes or because her grip slackens- things that do not actually happen- but because Henry is crying. Surely-

" Regina can make me stop " the queen says, turning around again. Emma starts to struggle again, Henry's yells are just too awful not to, and Regina- Regina freezes and stares at the heart. There's a choked swallow, and then she looks up

"Who is it?".

The queen laughs. "Not someone you like"

Regina shakes her head. "You could be lying".

"I could be telling the truth. Either way, does this mean that you admit you would murder as long as it is someone you despise"

"No"

" Yes"

" It does not matter. Even if it is that - I will not"

"You've chosen" is all the warning Emma gets, before the world disappears. There is incredible pain in her chest, her lungs burning, the world turns black and there is an intense light for a second – and then she is back. And Henry is at the floor, cheeks wet and eyes wide, and Regina is behind him, trembling hand filled with dust (dust falling on the table beneath) and the queen is laughing –

Emma slowly stands on trembling legs, and drags herself to Henry. She quickly unties him, and he hugs her too tightly for a moment before running to his mom and pushing the queen aside. He throws his arms around Regina, who remains staring at her hand and shaking her head, softly muttering 'no' over and over.

Emma calmly taps the queen on her shoulder. She turns around, still smirking, and arches her eyebrow. "Miss Swan, wh- " she is abruptly cut off by Emma's fist swinging at her face, and hitting her with enough force that she stumbles back, and falls on the bed behind her.

"Uh mom, I don't think- " Henry says hesitantly, just before the queen stands and wipes away the blood. Emma bends, picking up her heart and tossing it at Regina, who automatically catches it. She takes a step towards the queen, angling her body so that she is as much in front of Henry and Regina as possible.

"I understand that without that, I am a little less concerned with morals so _fuck off_ before I test that theory "

" You would not – " the queen vanishes in a puff of smoke when Emma punches again. And again. And again – she can't stop. Her chest is tight, her lungs burn, her eyes burn, everything hurts but she _hurt Regina_. She killed someone, using Regina like the king like Rumple-fucking-stiltskin like like-

 _Emma's mother_ -

There is a crack and Emma finally stills, fist still pulled back and chest heaving as she stares down at the evil queen. The queen is holding her nose, blood dripping from it. Regina gapes at her, eyes dark with something Emma could swear is hurt, and it is what finally makes her deflate. Then she smiles, and it somehow more painful than the split-second Emma could see she really had not expected Emma to ever hurt her, the surprise that flashed to pain.

" Regi- "

The queen smirks. " There is still some darkness in you" she says, and then there are suddenly fingers trailing Emma's cheek, and a hot body pressing into her from behind. The queen tugs on her hair, just lightly enough to keep it playful. " The darkness likes how you taste, after all" she says, and laughs.

Henry almost moves away from Regina, before he glances at her and falters. " My mom beat the darkness " he whispers, his hand resting on Regina's back and her hand grabbing his like a lifeline.

The queen chuckles. " Did she?"

"Leave" Emma says, suddenly exhausted. If it was just her son and his other mother, she would fall down on the bed and argue with Regina about it. Henry would roll his eyes, and she would smile and Regina would arch her eyebrow. It would end with another family night, maybe watching a movie or trying to steal the food while Regina is trying to show them how to prepare something.

But this is the queen.

"That is why you understand her " the queen says, voice unexpectedly soft. Regina freezes, hand still trembling uncontrollably, eyes wet but still raising her head a little and trying to glare. " I wonder- "

Emma hates herself, she does, but she can't help but miss the way the queen and her magic feel near her when the queen moves and takes a step towards Regina. Emma's hand shoot out, and lands on her usual spot on Regina's arm, but it isn't with the usual gentleness. Not at all.

"Keep away from my family" she warns.

The queen slowly moves her eyes away from Regina, and steps closer to Emma. " I wonder how long they will still be your family" she leans in to whisper. Emma stiffens, and her hands come up to push the queen away, only for her wrist to be grabbed in a tight hold that keeps her from pushing. " After all, Regina is no longer the woman you knew. She was your best friend because you two were similar, because you both knew darkness and had a troubled past. How long will she choose you when you are darker than her now? We all know what she does to darkness"

And Emma knows it is a pile of flaming shit. Regina would never give up on her, just like she would never give up on Regina. Whatever crazy shit Emma feels for her that's undefinable, the way only the strongest and rarest things that transcend words are, it's mutual. Regina is as much hers as she is Regina's ( she doesn't know what she is to Regina, just that she is her something, _hers_ , and that is the way she likes it)

But gods- even years with a son who loves her, and parents who darkened their hearts for her and friends who would stupidly risk their lives for her, Emma can't shake the feeling of not being enough. She can't stop doubting, second-guessing and fearing. And right now, she can't get the way Regina looked at the queen out of her mind.

She wanted her gone so badly. Emma's heart is pounding with fear and nerves, and she knows Regina catches how she averts her eyes and adjusts her stance. She wrenches herself free from the queen, and shakes her head. " You're stupid if I think I will ever doubt Regina again"

"I am the person who understands you, Emma. I know what it is like to have a family- " she spits the word like it's burning her tongue " who have such high expectations, and lose themselves in what they want you to be. A family that never loves you for who you already are, but instead has this image of you that they desperately attempt to make you grow into"

The queen shakes her head. " The pathetic simpering fool I once was part of- she can never understand that"

She takes one last step towards Emma, managing to be _almost_ gentle when she squeezes Emma's bicep. "Think about that. And come find me when you come to the _right_ conclusion" Emma almost immediately sags when the queen is gone, and gives herself five seconds to push away old feelings as she walks over to Regina, and Henry.

Henry immediately hugs her, tighter than usually. She can't really bring herself to cling to him as well, instead pats his shoulder and holds the back of his head gently. He inhales shakily, like he is crying again. Maybe he is. " Don't let her get to you" he whispers, before pulling back and leaning against Regina again.

Emma stares at the dust in Regina's hand, then slowly looks up into brown, wide eyes- _she is just as terrified of my reaction as I am of hers._ Emma relaxes at the realization, and even more at what Regina pushes out after a choked swallow and a shudder.

" You were going to die. I couldn't- " she stares at the dust. The word 'haunted' has never been as accurate before, as Regina looks at the dust like all the people she killed are staring back at her.

Emma slowly reaches out, and wipes the dust away. It turns her stomach, but she tries to not show that too much. " You were just saving me" she says.

" And that makes it okay?"

" No. Of course not. But it doesn't make you evil, either" Emma tries to grin. " Just makes you a little stupid, and unable to resist the charming genes".

Regina's mouth twitches into what might be a smile. "I believe you have the monopoly of being stupid, mi alma , and I would never attempt to overthrow you in that regard".

" So what? I am the queen of being stupid? ".

Regina rolls her eyes. "You are being- "

"Stupid?".

" You do seem to be very comfortable like that" Regina comments

" Some people would say you're more stupid than me, as you followed me into Hell and all that"

" _You_ were stupid enough to tether yourself to the darkness "

" Yup. After you were stupid enough to stop me".

" Emma- " Regina swallows, and her smile plummets. " I still- "she doesn't even finish, just stares at the dust on the floor. " What if it is- " she cuts herself off again, shaking.

Henry throws his arms around her. "Maybe she was lying. Maybe it isn't real" he says, which he probably knows is bullshit but he wants to believe.

Regina's eyes close, and several tears slip from them. She leans on Henry, arm wrapped around him, and forces out a quiet 'maybe'. Henry looks so afraid, and Regina so pained, that Emma doesn't think twice about turning this into one of their rare family hugs. Her hand brushes Regina, which sparks their magic like it usually does, and Henry is sobbing into their shoulders but trying to keep it quiet and Regina is still devastated but trying to find some way to comfort Henry.

Anyone could be dust in the floor, and Emma is exhausted in more ways than one but the hug helps. Slowly, Henry's quiet sobs lessen, and Regina stops shaking quite as furiously. Emma closes her eyes, and they stay like that for a long moment. Right until Henry slowly pulls back, an odd expression on his face, and Emma actually sways on her feet she is so tired and dizzy.

Regina steadies her with a hand on her arm, and Emma is just enough out of it to lean in. Regina stares at her, calmer but still pretty out of it, and Emma automatically shifts her body so Regina can easily hug her if she wishes to. And they don't do that, unless Henry is in the middle.

But Regina is actually leaning in, and Emma's breath catches. Her heart is pounding, which is weird but whatever, and she suddenly realizes she does want to hug Regina. Badly. She has about a second of feeling what it's like, and then both she and Regina are disappointed.

She can actually feel Regina's hand trying to grab her, tugging on her clothing, and then she is suddenly sliding or falling, and it's dark around her. She is struggling against whatever is on top of her, trying to breathe, trying to see Henry, Regina, and flapping her wings while crying out crazily until soft hands pick her up and she is cradled against a chest.

Regina doesn't say anything, just holds her and it's almost okay.

Even though it's really, really not. Not ever.


	11. Chapter 11

**I do not own OUAT. Once again, I am really honoured by your comments and I hope you continue to enjoy this story. You guys are superb, truly!**

Ignorance is bliss is an expression for a reason. There are thousands of moments where knowing can destroy you, where a carefully build lie is everything that keeps you or your life from breaking, where the hurt is kept at bay only because you do not know the whole story.

The Swan-Mills family may be made of a stubborn boy who didn't hesitate once to eat a poisoned apple turnover, a woman who gave up her son and returned to fight a _dragon_ to save him and a woman who was told 'love is weakness' until it became a part of herself and still choose to love her son –

Of strength and stubbornness and love-

But that doesn't mean they do not fear, and that they sometimes shy away from confrontations.

Right now, this family is huddled down on the bed and they all shy away from confrontation. It isn't just Regina, less sure and shaken-up after the latest confrontation, but Emma and Henry as well. Henry is next to Regina, clutching her hand and staring at her with wide eyes. Understandable, as he probably never has seen his mom so _visibly_ shaken-up. They can hear her too-quick, shallow breaths and she keeps swallowing and shaking her head subtly. Both of them, Emma and Henry, know that Regina is probably still hiding the worst of it –

So how bad is it?

 _And mom – she used to do that all the time, so why_ – Henry Mills only wonders for a second, slightly nauseous as always at the thought of murder, a small storm in his stomach at the idea of callous murder, but then he understands. _If mom destroyed her evil half , then maybe –_ he already has a dozen theories, a dozen ideas on why his mom is so shaken up right now but he's frustrated to know he doesn't really understand. He doesn't understand his mom, even though they've thought up secret languages together and mom has several ways of calling him 'mijo' and he's the only one who knows exactly what each one means and-

He doesn't _know._ His mom is obviously upset, but this time he doesn't know what to do about it. He has no idea how to calm her down, or what it is exactly that she is feeling – is she terrified, like him? – so he is left laying on bed and feeling useless and upset and his brain not shutting up about who the heart must've belonged to.

He looks down when he feels something nudge his arm, and manages a weak smile when he sees it is Emma. " Hey" he mutters, and she makes a sound that makes him snort besides everything, and then hide his smile when he sees how she is obviously annoyed.

She gives him an expression that's kind of hard to read- swans don't really have the ability to like look anything but vaguely scary or deceptively cuddly- but he decides it means 'do not laugh at me, you little shit'. He doesn't take it too serious, as Emma usually says something like that with a smile and very gently pushes him before giving him a one-armed hug.

She can't do that now of course, but she headbutts his arm in a way that says she would if she could. He smiles again at her, then yanks his head in mom's direction and mouths 'we have to help'. Emma just ruffles her feathers a little, kind of like she is shrugging and tilts her head. Then, apparently deeming he is all right, she returns to Regina's side but keeps her eyes on him.

He sighs, and looks at them. His mom seems to have regained most of her impressive control, but if you look closely enough, you can see little chinks in her usual unbreakable armour. His other mom – well, she is a swan right now so it is difficult to get any kind of expression from her, but there is something telling (and sweet, and safe) about the way she is at Regina's side, close enough that Regina knows someone is there for her, but not close enough that it would be stifling or uncomfortable. Emma doesn't have her gun or her sheriff's badge or even just the ability to stare at a person, but for some reason still manages to make it very clear she will fuck you up if you even think about upsetting Regina. She manages to make the area around the bed unapproachable, so that no one will have the foolish idea to even bother their family.

It makes Henry feels deceptively safe.

He slowly feels himself relax , although his thoughts won't shut up and he hasn't felt this ill since that time he was little and somehow got his hands on mom's apple cider and drank two glasses before she could get it away from him. He inches a little closer to his moms, grabbing Regina's hand and squeezing it.

They don't speak. They just lie there, silent but for the unnaturally loud sound of their breathing and their louder thoughts. He's sure his moms have them too, that they can't stop shifting through possibilities, feeling guilty whenever there is a possibility that hurts just a bit more than the others. He squeezes his eyes, tries to fight against awful non-heroic thoughts like _it would hurt less if it was him_ and keeps repeating the mantra _it's awful whoever it is._ It's kind of obvious, and he really does believe it, but he can't help what he feels- what he fears and hopes and even prays.

( he knows a lot of gods, and he would do nothing for hours but pray if that would mean his family would be all right)

* * *

Eventually, everything must be faced. No one can deny reality forever, no one can run from destiny forever and even the women who moved the moon together cannot keep the harsh truth from being thrown in their faces.

Quite literally, as the newspaper is _thrown_ at Regina. She just arches an eyebrow and calmly takes it, even though Henry feels like he has just stepped on a ship and only barely manages to glare at the man that is looking at his mom like she's –

" Henry, mijo, please leave us" Regina says, gently pushing him away from her. He immediately shakes his head and tries to copy the expression she used a lot when she was mayor, the one that made people stammer and blush and falter. Not to use on her of course, but the person who is still looking at his mom in this way that makes acid rise in his stomach.

" Henry, you can go to Granny's and order something for yourself" she says, throwing him her 'Henry Daniel Mills' look, which means he can't refuse. So he doesn't even try, knows better really, and just hugs her, tells her 'ti amo' before leaving with one last glance at the man staring at her. As soon as he is gone, Regina looks up and steps closer to the man.

She tries to summon some of that old rage, but all she has to fall back on is her mother's teachings that she can never quite get of her head. Right now, she is almost _grateful_ as it was her mother who made acting like a queen an ingrained part of her : a queen is what she needs to be if she wishes to intimidate this man.

" You will never speak of something like this in front of my son again " she commands him, briefly wondering at the lack of gratification as the man obviously hesitates and swallows. Once, being able to intimidate people enough to be safe from them would have been a source of satisfaction.

" I wasn't speaking " he protests " the boy didn't- "

" You deliberately exposed my son to something that would harm him. I do not care whether you dislike me – " it is a lie, mostly. Especially now. " but I will destroy you if you ever carelessly do anything to hurt my son again" he doesn't seem to notice how empty her threat is, just nods and leaves. He stares at her with a quiet distrust and dislike, almost unnoticeable. She only takes a deep breath when he is gone, no longer used to disgust and hatred the way she once was. She wonders whether it was always so sharp, then forces herself to focus on the newspaper.

It feels like the tide slamming into her, honestly. It's front page news, big letters that jump into your face and a large picture that your eyes are pulled to again and again. It's –

" Hook" she whispers, staring at the picture. He's under a white sheet- but no one apparently noticed that his hook was still visible, part of it peeking out from the sheet. She quickly scans the articles, her stomach burning with acid when she reads 'mysterious causes ' , 'no injuries', 'heart attack', 'will be questioned' and realizes that most people will know what is going on here. There will only be a small amount of people who actually will believe it was a heart attack

And she has no idea what the people who will thi- _know_ his heart was squeezed to dust will think. Will they immediately suspect her, come to her house screaming for her execution? She imagines it, all those people running towards her house and screaming in favour of her death. She doesn't really have to imagine, she knows what a mob looks like.

 _What if they hurt Henry?_ She imagines something far worse than that some idiot forgets her son is still a _child_ , a smart and brave and wonderful one but also one that has already gone through too much and most definitely does not need more awful things happening to him. She almost longs for the queen again, who would rip a heart out so easily and wouldn't be-

Terrified. And unsure- she cannot just hurt someone, that's not right but her son needs her to be strong and – she exhales shakily, presses her hand to her stomach. _Do not be foolish. The queen was the part of you that is like- that hurt people, that did horrible things. It is weak and wrong to want to be anything like that._

On the other hand, she also feels- she doesn't want to think about it, if she thinks about it she is going to acknowledge the way- she immediately grabs her phone and doesn't even look at the caller when it rings.

" Mayor Mills" she says, and the small bit of relief she felt is immediately replaced with an acute sense of falling and crashing when the other voice on the line – David's voice- says 'you have to come to the station'. Irrationally, she wants to blurt out an explanation and about a million sorry's. She thinks. Or maybe a part of her wants to point out how awful Hook was, but that part of her should be ripped out, should be dead, should be anywhere but causing the havoc they're having now.

Gods above, below and beyond, living in Storybrooke is such a headache.

She manages to hide she is affected at all, offering a curt "I will be there" before hanging up and placing the phone in her pocket again. Her legs feel sort of unstable, and about as trustworthy as her mother had been, but she still forces them to bring her to the police station and forces her uncooperative facial muscles to _not_ crumble.

No one should know what she is thinking, and how guilty she is. If they imprison her, the queen can keep Emma as a swan forever. If she isn't there, she can tear Henry away from Regina and force him through Cora Mills parenting techniques. Snow and David will be killed – or worse. That's why she manages to force her expression into something approaching normalcy when she walks into the station, and sits down in the chair David points at.

She doesn't look at Snow, standing next to him with an expression Regina doesn't allow herself to look at for more than two seconds. Regina talks before any of her two idiots can. " Why did I have to come here?".

" Did you already read the newspaper?"

Regina threw the blasted paper away before she came here, so she could but she doesn't see the point. " I did"

" So you know- " Snow breaks off, gratefully squeezing David's hand when he offers it to her without looking her way. " Hook is dead" she finishes, sounding exhausted.

Regina nods. " I am aware" she tries to get rid of the image of Emma's pained grimace, and what little red Hook's heart had had pulsing frantically, like it was trying to get away before she had even known she would squeeze it.

She slowly blinks, and stares at the hand that is on hers. She flicks her eyes to David, who just smiles and pats her hand. He keeps it on top of hers , and she doesn't reprimand him but looks at Snow instead. "Do we have any idea what happened?"

Snow and David share a look, and Snow answers. " We have.. theories but it doesn't add up"

" Why? Surely the police department has enough resources to solve – "

" His heart was missing" Snow says

Regina opens her mouth, but Snow is faster than she is. " Blue told us" Snow says, and Regina presses her lips together in obvious distaste before she remembers herself and instead adopts a more neutral expression .

" I understand. Did the overgrown – did mother superior have any other information?"

Snow looks uncomfortable. " No, but she had some suggestions. She thought – " Snow makes a nervous gesture. " We just don't understand. There aren't many people in town who have the ability- and why would they? "

" Rumple has motive" Regina offers, although it makes her even more ill. Rumple might not be an innocent, but he is innocent in this case.

David and Snow share another look. "So thought we .. "David starts, then pauses so that Snow can finish by saying " but he has an alibi"

Before Regina can point out that that means very little, as Rumple has magic and thus could've used some trick to form an alibi, David sighs and stares right into her eyes. " We have to bring you to the interrogation room"

Snow hisses " _Charming_ " next to him, but he grits his teeth and looks directly at Regina. His eyes are sympathetic and he looks exhausted- but also stubborn and resolved. She is suddenly hit with a wave of wistfulness, after she realizes how much he looks like Emma right now.

"Why would that be necessary?"

David doesn't look away from her, and lets Snow answer. " You were the last to speak with him" she says, voice wavering slightly.

And _what_?

She stares at the camera, where you can see her walk into the station. The time stamp says it happened around ten this morning. The clothing are the same that Snow and Charming saw her wear before they left the house. Her walk is the same. But Regina stares at the eyes, and wonders how anyone can think it is her.

" It was a witness who told us he saw you enter the station, which is when we checked the camera's"

" Why was he even here?" Regina says. She almost adds 'after his recent rediscovery of the joys of alcoholism and the budding relationships with Leroy, I would imagine he would attempt to avoid this place', but that would be in poor taste. And she doesn't really want to anyways, it is more a habit than anything , the way-

" He has been here almost every day, Regina "Snow says, staring at her

Regina scoffs. " As far as I knew, he spent most of these days drinking excessively and misbehaving in my town" _When he should've been searching for Emma._ Anger still feels the same without the queen, and she has to resist the urge to toss a fireball when she thinks of the times Hook failed Emma.

" He loves her "Snow says.

Regina presses her hand against her stomach. " I am aware, but he did not join any of the search efforts. And when I was attempting to regain my mayor duties, as well as search for Emma, I received numerous files on destruction of property and disorderly conduct"

Snow sighs. " Everyone reacts to something like this in their own way" she offers, but Regina doesn't think she sounds like she believes it.

She knows she shouldn't, and she does feel bad about it (about everything) but the rage on Emma's behalf is greater than that. " That may be, but I have been here several times when he was 'reacting'. He only commanded for you to find Emma, and insulted you when you admitted you could not"

She remembers his words – "why are you not trying harder" – and how he had been in Snow's face, Snow who had already been upset- " He should _not_ have treated you like that" she more or less growls.

Snow and David share another glance. " Regina, are you aware- " this time Snow stops speaking so David can finish the sentence " you are making yourself appear guilty?"

She sighs. " Everyone knows we did not get along, but he is- was- Emma's boyfriend. And just like you, I tolerated him for Emma's sake" she swallows. " And I would never intentionally harm him, not when Emma cares for him "

Snow nods. " All right" David already removed his hand , so Snow can reach out and take Regina's hand, which she does and even combines with a smile. " We trust you, Regina"

Regina fights to smile back genuinely, pressing down so hard on her stomach it actually hurts, and reminds herself that they need her, that they can't know because she needs to protect them. She blinks away the tears , hopes that _if_ they see they just think it is because she misses Emma.

Snow is still smiling, but now there are tears as well. " We will get through this "she promises

"Still employed by the hope commission I see " Regina forces out, and Snow laughs and cries. And then doesn't stop crying. David immediately gets up and Regina feels even more horrible, looking at them both crying in each other's arms. She almost comes up with some excuse, anything to get out of here, out of the room that suddenly feels too much like her mother's magic wrapped around her and _squeezing._

Snow pulls back, although David's arms remain loosely around her. She looks at Regina, cheeks tear-stained and eyes pained. "What do we do?"

" We don't give up" is all Regina says. As though it would ever be that simple.

* * *

Regina has never been good at sleeping. When she was still young, there were always things to be afraid of. The sounds of all those taken hearts beating , or her mother walking past her room. When she had been the queen, the king didn't visit too often but he was in her dreams. And if he wasn't, she would wake in tears with Daniel's name on her lips. And then, finally, when Leopold was gone, she had countless new faces to bother her. Just because she felt vindicated, did not mean that the dead would leave her alone at night.

Now, it's her friends dying. It's Snow's heart ripped out and Charming collapsing with her. It's Ruby next to Granny's body with tears on her lashes and her entire body shaking. It's bodies lying everywhere, and more collapsing, and glimpses of recognizable faces – Belle, Leroy, Archie- before the focus is on another heart, and then on dust.

It is her own hand, her own face, her own _laugh_.

She wakes with her heart hammering, hair sticking to her head and crying quietly. She brushes the tears away and pushes herself out of bed, careful to not wake Henry – or stumble into his bed, which he got there not by allowing her to use magic but instead probably ruining her floor in his attempt to get it to her room.

She lets out a shaky breath when she manages to get out of the room without Henry waking, or stumbling into anything. She leans against the wall, then slowly walks downstairs. Water, she wants water. No she wants- _alcohol, sleeping pills, anything that-_ water. On her way to the kitchen, she suddenly hears voice and stops. She noiselessly summons a fireball, but then realizes the voices belong to Snow and David.

She slowly extinguishes the fireball, and listens.

" David, you can't be serious"

" Snow- "

" No, she is our friend now" Regina leans against the wall, trying to breathe quietly and to not feel too –

" I know that. But Snow, I think she was lying- " Regina suddenly wonders whether David thinks he has a lie detector, just like Emma, and kind of feels like someone is stabbing her in the chest. It would be a lot kinder than what is actually happening to her.

" I know" Snow whispers, and Regina swallows. She digs her nails into the wall a little bit; Snow sounds so hurt. It's enough that a bit of her focus returns, and she swallows the bile and pushes away the thoughts.

"So what do we do?"

" We support her. And hopefully, she will tell us when the time is right"

Someone sighs. " Snow, I love her but you know- "

" She is our _friend_ now" Snow's voice tells Regina that her friend is crying and she almost goes inside to comfort her. But Charming can do that.

" I know. I know how much you wanted that, and how much it means. And she's my friend too, the last thing I want – "

" We can't lose this. We have- Charming we have fought a war, we have been cursed, we have _lost our daughter_ – "

" We have a good thing now"

Regina can't understand what Snow is saying, as it is soft and said in a strangled voice intermixed with a sort of hiccups, the kind you get when you're crying. It is enough to penetrate the numbness slightly, but it doesn't stop the nausea she has been feeling all day. She is just about to leave when something slams into the back of her legs, and she stumbles forward.

Snow and Charming immediately appear, both their faces wet with tears. This isn't exactly an unusual appearance - Emma has been missing for a while after all, and the Charmings moved to her house quite soon- so neither of them attempt to wipe away their tears.

As soon as she feels something against her leg, she looks down and arches her eyebrow at Emma. She has no idea what Emma is trying to communicate- she would guess the woman is just trying to check whether she is all right- but her tenaciousness is kind of sweet, the same way the Charming idiocy is. Usually.

"I think she wants you to hold her" Snow says

"She is a swan, not a teddy bear Snow"

" She is kind of cuddly though"

Emma very obviously bristles at that, and usually Regina would likely hide a smile after a comment like that. Now, she just bends down and takes Emma in her arms. The woman flaps her wings for a short moment, then slumps in Regina's arms and leans her head on Regina's shoulder. She looks very content.

Snow smiles, and pets Emma " She is very beautiful"

Regina doesn't have the energy to make a sarcastic remark about that, just makes some vague noise that could mean agreement and sits down. Snow smiles at her, then pats her shoulder and goes to the counter.

"Do you want hot chocolate as well?"

" I prefer other beverages"

"And yet you have been drinking hot chocolate with whipped cream and cinnamon almost exclusively these weeks "Snow says, with that annoying expression.

" It would be rude to refuse it, as you keep offering to make it" she merely comments.

David tries to make small talk, but then just gives up and sits next to her, sipping hot chocolate and randomly giving her exhausted smiles. Snow makes the hot chocolate and miraculously does not attempt to talk.

Regina decides to amuse herself by petting Emma. She even manages a small smirk when the little feathers puff up like usually and Emma tries to hide it. Emma immediately gives her a look that Regina knows is supposed to be a glare, and she pets her again. She pushes Emma's head away when she moves it towards Regina's neck.

And then she freezes

The air changes, like the oxygen is leaking away . There is a subtle heat against her skin, and her magic simmers. When she stares at Emma with wide eyes, it's confirmed what is happening- she is subtle growing, changing, unnoticeable to someone who doesn't feel the magic and for a glorious-terrible moment, Regina expects Emma to suddenly morph and end up naked on her lap.

There is a tug of war going on in her stomach, the nausea pushed to the background by anticipation and panic. She licks her lips, staring at Emma, already running though excuses and getting caught on the idea of _Emma. Nude. On her lap._ When the magic slowly starts to leak away.

She exhales shakily, not sure how she feels about that.

" What is wrong with it?" Snow exclaims, quickly putting Regina's hot chocolate in front of her, and coming closer to gently touch Emma's head. Snow's worry is understandable, as Emma has slumped against Regina and is hardly moving.

"I assume she has tired "Regina says.

Snow shakes her head. " I don't think it is tiredness, it seems like she is – "

Before Regina's sarcastic answer, or Snow's additional prying can happen, there is the sound of footsteps and Henry walks into the kitchen. Regina immediately turns towards him, considering and rejecting the idea of scolding him in a second.

"Hot chocolate?" Snow just asks.

Henry nods, and sits down next to his mother. He smiles at Emma, then kisses her head. " Hey " he mutters, then looks at Regina. " ¿está bien? "

"No te preocupes " Regina just answers, which makes Henry roll his eyes and give her a look. He turns to his grandma, smiling at her. " Hey grandma, is my swan okay?" he asks

" Regina seems to think so" Snow says with that infuriating expression again.

"She looks kind of bad" Henry offers, then pets Emma again. They remain like that for a while, sipping their hot chocolate and failing at small talk and failing even more at anything important. All miserable and worried and anxious, but finding support in the silence.

Regina never had a family like that. She is only more determined to fight to protect it.

 **I really wanted to write another scene about the next day – as the queen's deadline will be up and Emma will momentarily change into a human to make Snow and Charming more suspicious- but it just didn't work. So I guess that's one for next time, eh? I struggled a bit with this chapter, and I hope that it is good enough now. I am pretty content with it now, but maybe I will look at it again tomorrow, or when it is actually online instead of just a word document and change it.**

 **I don't think so though (I am shit at editing after I already posted lol) , but if any of you think I could improve it, please tell me and I will!**


	12. Chapter 12

**I do not own OUAT.**

Regina did not expect the guilt. Remorse was something that Henry – and later, Emma- had made a possibility. Remorse was seeing Henry's expression when she forced him to come home ( and stay there), his tears when she fought with tooth and nail to separate him and Emma (it was slow then, but gods did it hit her when it arrived) Remorse was finding out Emma only had a family once, and they sent her away. Remorse was Emma's surprise at any of the things Charming and Snow did, the casual 'I am not used to that' to so many ordinary kindnesses.

(they weren't ordinary for Regina either, with Cora as her mother, but they were ordinary nonetheless)

But remorse wasn't guilt. Guilt was constant nausea, and not wanting to look your family – the one that trusted you, that didn't question you when you were so, so very suspicious- in the eyes. Guilt was hating a man, and still hating his death (and yourself) more. Guilt was wanting to push Emma away, away, because that was _someone she loved_ and you did not deserve to ever have her sleep faithfully on your bed again.

Gods, guilt was like quicksand; it didn't let you go . Not that remorse was any kinder, any easier to get over, but somehow , that had felt more manageable. But only two days, and Regina already knew this was too much. She was dining with her family, with the people she trusted, the people she hurt, the people that trusted her, that _shouldn't trust her-_

"Regina?" Snow's voice interrupts her thoughts, and even makes it possibly to focus on anything else but the pit in her stomach. She focuses on the hand covering hers instead. "Are you all right?"

" I – " she stares at her food. _Hook will never eat again. Because you will always be evil. Emma will be hurt, again, because you cannot even be good when you have ripped the evil out of yourself._ She quickly puts the fork down, so Snow can't see it tremble along with her hand. "Am fine. Truly, fine"

" Regina, it is okay to admit you are afraid, and that you miss Emma. We are afraid too. I am _terrified_ " Snow says, smiling and tearing up at the same time.

" I am just not hungry" Regina protests, feebly.

" Regina- "

" Of course I miss her Snow, she is- " my friend? Family? The only good mother Henry has, the only one who won't ruin- " very dear to me" Regina awkwardly finishes

" Well, good you're finally admitting it" Snow says. "I am sure Emma will like that"

Emma, who is curled up on Regina's lap and pops her head up every few second to – or so thinks- sneakily steal a piece of bacon, does indeed seem to like it. She doesn't really have an expression, but Regina knows the woman is just awfully smug and – just awful, really.

"I am sure she will" Regina answers, with a glare towards Emma that immediately falters as she remembers. Hook's heart. The newspaper. His hook not covered by that damned blanket.

She shakes her head when her arm is squeezed momentarily, and she stares at Charming. He's looking at her with a furrowed brow, eyes all soft with concern. " The food is very good" he says, smiling at her.

"You know Regina, you never told me how you learned to cook" Snow , usually in possession of as much tact as a small child, actually evades the hard subjects for once. Perhaps she's just too emotional to think of the years where Regina would sit at the table and listen to Snow prattle on and on. Regardless of the reason, Regina is thankful.

" I taught myself"

" That's very impressive" Snow says, smiling still  
" Cooking is a skill the majority of people possess, Snow, it is hardly as complicated as magic or any of the arts"

" Still"

"Both of you can cook"

David chuckles "Not as well as you"

" I have eaten food prepared by you before. It was passable"

David just smiles and jokes 'High praise from her majesty' . Somehow, his playful idiocy and Snow's emotional, suffocating brand of caring make her relax enough that she stops thinking _I don't deserve this, my fault, my fault, my fault_ and actually manages to force herself to eat.

Henry jumps in then, starting to tell a story he has read. He has been fascinated by stories even more since he discovered he was the author, and has started reading the old stories again, the ones she used to explore with him. Epics about brave warriors, vengeful deities and wild seas.

He's a good storyteller and she slowly relaxes even more, smiling at how animated her son is, how he seems happy somehow – despite everything- and how much her little family fits, somehow. Then of course Charming chimes in, somehow manages to break yet another glass and Snow scolds him and then they're being all lovey-dovey-

Just another day in the Charming-Mills-Swan household really. It would be so wonderful, if Regina's thoughts could just _stop._ Instead she has a very uncomfortable day, that kinds of feel like the curse days in that she has to lie and fake smiles and it's exhausting. She sits next to Charming while they're watching the station's videos again, and interrogate anyone who might know something. She signs files she can hardly bring herself to read, answers too late to questions from her secretary, and suffers through meetings with worried and tired and terrified townspeople.

It's a long day, and it gets longer still when she runs into Leroy.

" Hey, sister. Sister- " he has taken to calling her sister as well, scoffing at threats and just smiling at attempts of blackmail. Still, Emma is not right, they are _not_ friends. And even if they were, soon no one will want to be her friend ever again.

She slowly turns around, all hope lost. " Leroy. How may I be off help?"

"Cut the formal crap. Is it true? Was his heart missing?"

She arches her eyebrow." How would you even know?"

He shrugs " Nova told me. So it's true?"

"Unfortunately, yes"

She has always suspected Leroy was a little smarter than he let on, and the way he squeezes his eyes slightly, like he is on to her, just solidifies that belief. " Sure. Do we have any reason to worry?"

She thinks of the queen, of how she was seconds away from killing Emma, the person she claims to feel about like Regina does, foolish heart and mind and body all pining for her so much it aches like being thrown into a clocktower and absorbing death curses. _You have all the reasons in the world to be concerned._ " I do not think so, but I will let you know"

He nods. " We're still on the search for the saviour"

 _She doesn't like being called that._ " Thank you. I will be going home"

As she walks away, he calls her name. not sister, or 'hey!' or even 'your majesty' but her name. She looks over her shoulder. "Yes?"

"The town has got your back, you know" .

She wonders whether Leroy will be one of the first to turn on her, or one of the last. She isn't sure. She isn't sure about any of them. " Thank you" she just says, trying for regal and controlled but feeling exhausted and unsure and knowing at least part of it is showing.

She thinks about it the way home. She passes people who smile at her, who nod at her, who say 'madam mayor' respectfully. Several people inquire about the newspaper, asking her whether they should be worried. One small boy calms down his friend by telling them 'the mayor will protect us. That's her job'. People are talking and glancing but life goes on. No one points at her, there are no raised voices or whispers, no harsh accusations or disdainful glares. Everyone is much more trusting and friendlier than she expected.

So much more than she deserves.

The thought won't let her go. The evil queen should be gone, but she isn't. She an actual physical person, and worse than ever. She is in Regina's head, whispering things. She is a possibility, something she still has to fight, someone she still can become- she killed Hook, and it was so wrong.

She almost doesn't go home, but that would be cowardly. And her family needs her.

* * *

The first sign is chest pains, of the variety that feel like tiny spears being thrust into your chest. She is in the kitchen and tries to get to her family but then the door slams closed and there's purple smoke everywhere and a too familiar voice saying 'time is up'

She glares at the queen. " L-leave" she stammers, nearly falling but instead slamming her hand down on the counter and managing to hold herself up. The queen's eyes widen slightly, a smirk playing at her lips. She takes the few steps towards Regina, and leans in.

" You are pathetic" she whispers

" You are unwanted" she hits back, just as hard. She can feel the hit herself, knows the pain the queen feels before she turns it into rage. Regina lets out a muffled groan when she is thrown back, and crashes into the wall.

 _This is your chance. She is angry enough-_ She slowly gets to her feet, trying to smirk. It's like a dying flashlight, smirking not what she feels like now. She feels like running away, grabbing into her family and never letting go. But that's not what they need her to do.

" You are the worst part of me, and no one ever wanted you. Even Rumple did not, he just used – "

She muffles a curse when a part of her kitchen counter suddenly breaks and slams into her. Right into her stomach, which she clutches as she falls to the ground. The queen stalks towards her, and she leans in with a snarl

" Everyone used you. Even the ones that made you are disgusted by you" she spits

" _You_ needed me" the queen says.

" I despised you. You were just all I had. I would have never chosen for - " Regina chokes suddenly, her body stiffening automatically, and her heart speeds up. It feels worse than it did before, somehow. Her body and mind had years to get accustomed to this, one of Cora's favourite punishments, and she shouldn't be bothered at all but somehow it's an awful mix of memories and awful shivers everywhere.

She grits her teeth, but the queen laughs. She has seen the panic, the fear ( the w _eakness_ ) "Remember how fond mother was of this?" she whispers, stroking Regina's cheek. " Remember how she used to tell us at least it would stop us from talking, from uttering such foolish things"

"Not… we" Regina forces out

" You? But I am you. I am the part of you that is strong, the part you hid behind like the pathetic girl scrambling for approval that you _are_ " the queen's hand leaves her cheek and grabs her chin instead " You only wanted love. You even wanted _her_ love"

Regina splutters when the pressure on her throat suddenly disappears, trying to keep herself from taking too large breaths. " She did love me. She just-"

" Didn't have her heart?" the queen takes a step back, a heart appearing in her hand. Regina presses her own to her chest, and realizes it's hers. She knows. She doesn't how, but she does. " Do you love Henry?" the queen asks.

It feels like a trap. " Do you love him?" she is reminded of years ago, of a stranger in her town and fighting and staring because why would she ask that? She is so much more sure about the answer now, and loving is something she has relearned. But the queen-

She remembers being the queen, even if it's distant. And the queen- the queen had her parts as well, the soft parts she buried, the ones that meant she could still love. Now – " Should I get him so you can- "

" NO" Regina yells without thinking, and the queen's eyes lit up. " I love him " she says, before she can think it through. But the thought of Henry in her, in the middle of another twisted game- no, anything but that.

"Yes"

She stares at the queen. Is she going to hurt him now? " It is not weak" she insists.

" You loved him when you were _me_ , just a more mellowed version of me. You loved him when he misbehaved, when he chose someone else over you, when he did the opposite of what you wanted. You loved him when your heart wasn't in your chest"

Regina stares at the queen, stares at her own heart that's pulsing and sounds far too loud in the otherwise silent room. She almost flinches when the queen walks towards her again, but instead lifts her head and glares at her. The queen caresses her cheek again.

" Mother didn't love you for a moment, without her heart. You could have obeyed her mindlessly, could have become the queen willingly and birthed an entire _linage_ of royals and you would never have been enough" Regina tries to move her head away when the queen uses magic to draw a line on her cheek, the way anyone would with a knife, but she is stuck.

Her eyes widen when the same doesn't happen to the queen. "But you- "

" Oh, that is only temporary" the queen assures her " I have not been able to break this goddamn tether to you"

" But how?"

The queen shrugs. " Well- " Regina stares as the blood starts dripping from the queen's cheek. " I have managed to delay the effects, as you see. I am the one who is not too afraid of upsetting their little _hero_ friends to use dark magic"

 _It means I can destroy her._ Regina slumps on purpose, fainting exhaustion and hopelessness. The queen's hold on her lessens, the magic slowly fading – she quickly pushes against it, summoning a fireball at the same moment-

And slams into the queen gracelessly and slightly clumsily. She pushes her against the counter, holding the fireball closer to her- but it's tiny. It's small , the size of a tennis ball, and weak. It isn't properly hot and as she stares at it, it dies.

" How- "

The queen licks her lip. " Your fuel was always rage and pain, Regina. You only learned magic the moment you were the king's little _toy_ \- what did you think powered your magic now? Rainbows and unicorns?"

Regina feels her heart really start to race. Her actual, physical heart vanished when she attacked the queen, but she tries to grapple for it now. She feels her magic inside her, but she can't access it. As soon as she realizes there's no way, she is powerless, she is – she can hear her own breathing turn, becoming too quick and shuddering.

She stumbles back when the queen pushes, and carefully walks around her, studying her. " You were only strong because of _me_ " she hisses, and points at herself " I was all that kept you alive when Daniel died, and you were nothing more than Snow's shiny new toy. I was there to open up your magic to you, and to defend yourself against that lascivious fool. It was me who made you strong, who made you able to pretend and lie and protect yourself against all that pain"

The queen gets in her face, teeth bared and practically spitting. " You were nothing without me"

" Love is what makes you strong. All _you_ did for me is making an entire kingdom loathe me" Regina spits back

"You would not have survived without me, you could not have done anything without me. You would still be mother's little doll, Rumple's puppet, and – "

" Stop it"

" You would still be _theirs._ Forced to brush Snow's hair and say 'yes, princess. No, princess'. Share meals with the little _bitch_ and her father that would never look at you as anything more than – " the queen's tone is absolutely mocking and Regina is lost in memories and confused and surging forwards and punching her before she has even registered she is crying.

She falls over the queen, panting and shaking. " Daniel was strong, and he was the gentlest person I knew. Henry is strong, and he loves more than anyone I know. Emma is strong, and she loves even the people who deserve it the least"

"Are you going to hurt me?" the queen smirks, and Regina follows her gaze and realizes- like a blow to her stomach- she is holding a knife pressed to the queen's neck. Her hand starts to tremble, but she doesn't remove the knife

" It would be a fitting end for the both of us" the queen says, and the fact that she isn't moving, isn't even trying to get away, makes Regina slowly pull the knife away

" No. I will not- "

" They would've. Snow planned to execute us"

"You. Snow attempted to save me " she had. She had tried to appeal to the part of Regina that she is now, the gentle and _good_ part. That she is supposed to be now.

"I was still a part of you then. Us"

She stares at the queen, and places the knife on her throat again. She feels the sting on the sensitive skin of her own throat, but ignores it. _It is my fault she is free. It is my fault she exists at all._ " You will leave my family alone" she tries to command but her voice shakes and her hand shakes even more

The queen grabs her wrist. "See how weak you are? You cannot even defend them. Completely useless"

They remain in an intense stare for a moment, two moments, until the moment Regina slumps and the knife falls with a soft sound. " I just want you _gone_ " she whispers

For a moment, there's something almost sad (are those tears?) in the queen's eyes. But it's gone so quickly and then she just snipes out "You are still me. Get used to not getting what you want" and disappears.

The scream comes two seconds later, and Regina scrambles to pick herself up before she runs upstairs on unsteady legs. She almost falls, but that scream- it was Snow, she thinks. And then there was Henry's , exactly like her little boy waking up from a nightmare.

 _She is there. She is hurting them, it is my fault._ _It was a distraction, estúpido, estúpido, estúpido._ She bursts into the room. Snow is covering her mouth, tears falling silently. Charming has her wrapped in his arms, leaning on her as much as he is trying to offer comfort. Henry is grabbing on to his grandpa's arm, his eyes wide.

It isn't the queen

It's Emma. She is on the bed, naked but covered in enough feathers that you cannot see much. There's blood dripping from her nose, angry bruises where the collar used to be. Whenever her chest moves, there is a disquieting rattling sound. There are odd marks on her chest, kind of like someone scratched her , like-

They all look at her as soon as she enters the room. Henry runs into her arms, and she holds on to him with all her might. He is sobbing quietly into her shoulder, still muttering '¿Estás bien? ¿Estás bien? " even though she's the mother, she should be watching out for him and definitely not the other way around.

Still, she is weak for another moment and just holds on to him and focuses on nothing else. As soon as she feels her own shaking start to subside, she slowly raises her head and stares at Snow. She is still in Charming's arms, staring at Emma but then she suddenly looks at Regina and-

Regina can almost hear all the questions, wonderings before Snow breaks her gaze and runs to Emma. She places a gentle hand on Emma's forehead, pushes her name out and finally turns to Regina.

" Why isn't she waking, what is wrong, _Regina?_ " odd, how she suddenly remembers taking a young Snow out for a ride and coming across a dead sparrow. She had had the same expression then, pleaded for Regina to help then, too.

She slowly lets Henry go, and he reluctantly lets her before trying to walk towards the bed as well. Charming interferes thankfully, and holds him back with a gentle grip on his shoulder. She leans on the bed, staring at Emma.

"Regina?"

" Someone attempted to take her heart" she finally says, even though she knows it is staged. The queen can take Emma's heart, terrifyingly easily even, but she obviously wanted to make it look like it was an impossibility.

" Are you sure they didn't succeed? " Snow asks, still next to Emma and looking at her with such _trust._ It makes her sick.

"I am fairly certain, yes"

" Regina, can you- " Snow falters and Regina almost screams. Once, ripping out hearts had been more than easy, it had been addictive. It had sent a dark thrill through her, and made her smile. Now, she stares down at Emma and wants to scramble of the bed. Looks at Snow and feels backed into a corner.

" Snow, you – "

" We have to know. Emma would understand " Snow says, and Regina wants to protest but then she adds " She trusts you. She has let you once already- " her face falls at the thought of why, for _who_ , Emma had let Regina rip her heart out.

Regina inhales once, staring down at Emma. She carefully wipes away the blood, healing her chest before glancing at Snow once more. She nods, teary-eyed but also so trusting and – like the first look she ever gave Regina actually.

She takes Emma's heart out. It glows softly in her hands, as she cradles it and very carefully shows it to Snow , Charming and Henry. Snow stares at the dark softly shimmering between the red. There's a lot of regret in her eyes and Regina automatically takes her hand, and squeezes it softly.

"She is all right" she says

" Is she? _Look_ at her" Snow says, and starts crying again. Behind her, she can hear sounds of muffled crying and outright sobs. She swallows, it's painful and awful and it doesn't stop her own tears.

She is just allowing Snow to close the distance , closing her mouth and disregarding all the useless words she could say, when the sound of a cane hitting the floor makes them all focus on the door. Regina immediately stands up , taking several steps forward so she is in front of Henry.

" Grandpa?" Henry says. " What a-are you doing here?".

"I am here as a concerned civilian" he answers, stepping further into the room. Regina tries to subtly light a fireball, or just create a small earthquake or _anything_ really but there is only a small puff of smoke coming from her hands and that's it.

Charming slowly steps away from Henry, and comes to stand next to her. He's so close that their shoulders are touching , actually. "You're breaking and entering, Gold"

" That's only a minor offense compared to murder and abduction" he answers, eyes going to Regina.

There is a shocked silence before Snow blurts out "what?"

" I was as shocked as you, dearie" Gold says, and then steps forward. " I have made it very clear that there will be consequences if you attempt to harm Belle in any way"

"Belle is missing? "Charming said

"Yes. And considering there was evidence of magic involved, I came here to question her majesty"

"I am no longer – "

"Neither of us can outrun our pasts, dearie" he leans in. "Now, where are you keeping her?"

"I have no idea what you are talking about – "

" I don't know what kind of game you are playing- " Regina quickly grabs David's arm as he reaches for his gun and walks towards Rumple. "Don't be an idiot " she hisses.

He halts , but she recognizes his expression when he glances at her. It's the stubborn one that means he is going to do something idiotic soon. She quickly interferes before he can get himself turned into a snail and stepped on.

" I did not take Belle"

" Who did, then?"

" I have no idea, but you are not exactly a popular man in town. Has it crossed your mind that anyone you made one of your little deals with could've done this?".

" Perhaps, but they are not in possession of _magic._ And I doubt the princess' pet fairy is behind this"

"Why would Blue do anything to harm Belle?" Snow mutters, sounding very lost and confused. And slightly, annoyingly, condescending.

" Perhaps she was keeping her safe, from _you_ \- "

Snow screams her name and Charming grabs Gold as soon as Regina is thrown back. By the time she has blinked the black spots away, Gold is kept in a tight hold and Snow is practically plastered to her side, and asking a stream of questions. All the talking and the expressions and the barbs- it's just too much.

" I did not take Belle" she pushes out.

"And you can keep repeating that, but all the evidence points towards you dearie"

She would thank the gods if she hadn't stopped believing years ago. Her magic actually works and it's all that keeps David from getting a concussion when Gold throws him off himself. He takes a step forward, which is of course when Snow moves in front of her with –

"Where did you get that bow?" she exclaims.

" I hid several of them in your house as soon as we moved in"

"You never asked for my permission, and we have a _child_ in this house"

Henry just rolls his eyes, and shrugs. " I know where grandma keeps her – "

"Enough. Where's Belle" Gold spits.

Regina sighs. " I did not stow away your girlfriend. Did it ever cross your mind that she might no longer wish to be with someone who chooses a dagger over her?".

Gold is silent for half a minute, just studying her. Then he smiles. " What happened to miss Swan, Regina?".

" We have no idea"

" What an unfortunate situation" Gold drawls.

" Yes, and I would like you to remove yourself from my property so we can – "

"Have you attempted a dream catcher?"

Regina's stomach drops, but she quickly forces an appropriately disdainful expression on her face. One of the ones that would've been her go-to before- well, before ripping a part of herself out, really. " No. And I doubt- "

She stares at the dream catcher suddenly appearing in Gold's hand. "Shall I? Consider it my apology for disturbing your .. investigation" .

She swallows. " I do not think that it is necessary- "

He is already walking over to Emma, and she and Snow share a look. Gold is far from trusted by them, but he has helped them in the past as well. " Regina?" she mutters.

She snatches the dreamcatcher from him. "Allow me" she says

He snaps his fingers and the dreamcatcher appears in his hand again, and a cuff appears on her wrist. She gapes at it, and she hears Henry say something foul in Spanish at the same time that Snow releases an arrow and Charming draws his gun.

The arrow burns to dust in the air, and Gold magics the gun away easily " Excuse me dearies, but I prefer not to have the prime suspect handle this"

" Prime suspect?" Henry questions, his voice suddenly very small

" The circumstances of the pirate's death point in a certain direction, and the abduction of Belle points in the same. And right now your mother seems oddly reluctant to help solve the abduction of your other mother"

" Well, we are not letting you use that dreamcatcher. You might manipulate it" Charming says, crossing his arms. Snow nods in agreement and Henry just gives Gold a look that is pure Regina. Gold sighs.

"Call for her, then"

Snow hesitates, then nods. " I will guard him, you go get Blue " she tells Charming.

Gold waves his hand. " No need " he says, and then suddenly Blue is there. He pushes the dreamcatcher in her hands and she stumbles back, gasping. She has that permanent expression of outrage, the way she gets around anyone who she deems 'wrong'. Regina still intensely dislikes her.

" What is this?" she demands

Snow explains in a few words, and the fairy seems willing enough to help, nodding like it makes perfect sense ( it doesn't ) and giving Gold and Regina equally disapproving looks. She walks over to Emma, and Regina's stomach rolls and cramps and her entire body just tenses.

Before she can do anything, Blue is already holding the dreamcatcher over Emma and absorbing her memories. Two seconds later, and they are playing out in gruesome details.

 _The hallway, moving like it is being filmed by someone who is running. The sound of heels, and panicked breathing. The door slamming closed and the room suddenly shrinking. A low chuckle. Brown eyes, dark hair, a lip scar. Lips pulled up into a smirk. Purple smoke and the hands catching themselves barely after that punch that hit the air. The ground. Hands, pulling and a face that is so very close. A hand buried into a chest. Regina, with a softly glowing heart in her hand. Darkness at the edges, creeping in, and the ground tilting._

The memory ends. Blue's eyes glint, but she tries to look mournful. Snow drops her bow and presses her hand to her mouth, looking sick. Charming stares at her with teared eyes and a furious scowl. Henry seems terrified, hands trembling, shallow breathing and eyes wide.

Regina herself feels sick, and confused, and terrified. There's only one thought in her mind.

 _What did she make me do that I do not remember?_

 **You know, there are some things that bothered me and I reread it a few times but couldn't put my finger on it. So first I was like 'I will just post it tomorrow, and work on it one more time' but I know myself and my perfectionism and figured I just would never post it if I did so ... I hope you enjoyed it and if you found the things I couldn't find, please inform me because it's annoying me.  
**


	13. Chapter 13

**I don't own OUAT. I also don't own the Spanish lullaby, which is '** **Arrorró** _ **mi niño'**_ **Translations of the Spanish in this chapter is at the end of the chapter ( btw I don't actually speak Spanish so I use translators and such. If the Spanish isn't right, please tell me!) For anyone who reads this story and also reads one of my other stories, 'operation save mom', I am working on that as well. I don't know when I will have finished the next chapter however, I kind of don't have much time to write now.  
**

Everything is in the background.

She knows Charming is pacing, that Snow has sunk into a chair, is sobbing hysterically. The bars are cold against her hand, where she pushes it through so Henry can hold it. His grip is a little too tight. But she all notes this in distant, absent-minded thoughts. The way it impacts her – how Snow's tears actually hurt her as well, how she loves Henry and is terrified for him- isn't even there.

She can't stop thinking about what _she_ did. She already knows there will be new nightmares. Everything is distant, apart from those dreamcatcher images and the heart-breaking, terrifying knowledge that this was just a warm-up.

The queen might be out of her, but it doesn't change that Regina still knows. She knows how the queen thinks, what she wants. She remembers all that rage and pain -with interludes of nothing, a great bubble around her and nothing coming through, not even joy if Snow suffered. There's no limit to what the queen would do, she knows that too.

When you are that hurt or that empty and you think there's only one thing you want-

The queen isn't done. She doesn't know whether her two idiots, or her smart little prince, know but Regina doesn't doubt it one second. The pira- _Hook_ was just a warm-up. Regina has at least three theories for why he would be first, but it doesn't even matter. It's a terrible thought, but it doesn't matter because it's too late for him and there's an entire town filled with people the queen wouldn't think twice about killing.

Regina shifts through all them, friend family acquaintances strangers. Thinking about why the queen would want to kill them, or won't pay much attention to them. She might even kill anyone who has ever been friendly to Snow-

(Storybrooke will turn into a ghost town, abandoned streets and corpses in the houses)

" Mami?" Henry whispers, slowly getting to her. She blinks twice, and stares at her hand. She suddenly realizes Henry is squeezing it very tightly, and he's so pale and his eyes are very wide.

"Mijo? " she says back, not whispering but voice low (and hoarse)

He swallows. " Emma isn't waking"

" Where is she?"

" Grandpa brought her home, like an hour ago. Grumpy is guarding her, with some others"

Regina nods. Her brain has never been this slow. " Bueno"

Henry stares at her, then slowly exhales shakily. " Mami?"

He licks his lips, stares at the floor before he looks at her again. "Do you think she is going to hurt Emma now?"

Is the queen capable of it ? Yes. But whether she would- that is a complicated question. She only considers lying for a second. "No sé " she says because Henry is so, so smart and he will already know that the queen is –

He leans his head against the bars, swallowing and blinking. "I don't want her to be hurt"

" I know, mijo. I do not want that either"

He looks at her, tears in his eyes but that familiar look he gets whenever he is convinced of something, her stubborn, sweet boy. " I don't want you hurt"

She thinks of how defeating the queen is actually so simple. How all she has to do, is find her own heart and squeeze it into dust. And lies. " I will not get hurt"

Henry nods. " La reina es la pieza más fuerte" he says, something she used to tell him when she taught him to play chess. And even though she isn't the queen anymore, just his mother, just Regina ( all she wants to be, despite him needing someone stronger), she answers

" La reina es fuerte, porque su principito la quiere"

He is just starting to reply when a hand grabs his shoulder, and gently pulls him away from Regina. He protests, but Charming just shakes his head and everything about him tells Henry that this isn't the time to protest. So he goes, but not without telling Regina 'ti amo' one more time. She watches him walk over to Snow, offering her comfort because he is so gentle and so good, and then focuses on Charming.

" David" she is too exhausted for talking

" I can't – I have to lock you up, and – " he shudders, and his eyes flit down to the cuff. Regina is well aware that as soon as this odd detachment stops, she won't react favourably to that thing. The last time she wore one-

" I understand" she says, trying very hard not to remember. Unfortunately, memories are stubborn, disobedient things.

He nods. "I know, from the whole thing with- we know someone else can easily have done this"

" It is procedure"

" You are the prime suspect, for now. After- " they never speak off her. She knows Snow is sorry, that there is so much regret and self-loathing there, but- they just do not speak off it. Charming isn't going to start now, even if he has all the subtlety of a solar eclipse.

"You will investigate more this time"

He looks almost relieved. "We will" he rests his hand on the bars. Regina knows he means it, that they will actually question other people this time. For a little while, at least, they will believe in her. (she also knows there is already doubt however, small enough now but it will grow and she cannot do anything)

He slowly leans back. " Can I get you anything?"

" I am not exactly famished "she says drily

He swallows. "I will get you something small then"

She nods. She doesn't want to talk anymore. She just wants to close her eyes, and wake up to a world wherein the evil queen is not even a possibility. She wants to wake to the smell of breakfast and walk downstairs, and see Henry be teased by Emma and Charming and Snow being disgustedly affectionate.

She wants-

All those pointless things she doesn't deserve.

* * *

Regina is allowed food, drinks and even her phone. Sometimes, Charming even talks to her like everything is okay, like she is still just part of their very odd family dynamic. Snow brings her the clothing she wants. She just doesn't have her freedom, can't sleep and there are people screaming outside sometimes.

Thank the gods that she can still text with Henry ( check on him really, even if he claims he is probably the safest in town)

 _ **The lions won't tell me much, but the wolf said they don't really have anything yet.**_

 _Lions?_

 _ **Gryffindor.**_

 _They're not both in Gryffindor._

 _ **I decided to just give in. If they really want to be in Gryffindor, that's their choice( even though I still think the hat wouldn't agree with them) How are you?**_

 _Perfectly fine_

 _ **Mom.**_

 _ **I might not have magic, but I do have spidey-senses for lies.**_

 _That is not how it works_

 _ **I know you. What's going on?**_

 _I am still imprisoned, mijo._

 _ **We're working on it. Operation Butterfly is on**_

 _Henry, it is not safe_

 _ **I don't think she would hurt me**_

 _Regina knows Henry the way he knows her. So just like him, she doesn't need to see anything to know something is going on._ _Has she been talking to you?_

 _ **She hasn't visited since last time.**_

 _You have no idea what she is like. You do not know her motivations_

 _ **I know my mom. And she was you for a long time, and you would never hurt me. She wouldn't like, kill me or anything**_

 _She might think she loves you, but she is not capable of it,_ _cariño._

 _ **Why does she want me to leave with her then?**_

 _Because she knows you made me very happy, and she wants that as well. And it will destroy your grandmother, losing both her grandson and daughter._

 _ **We would find a way back though, we always have**_

 _Do not even consider it. Your safety and happiness are more important than anything_

 _ **Class is starting again. Ti amo, mom**_

 _Ti amo, principito._

Regina curses – in her head, ladies never curse out loud, no one wants to marry someone like that- as soon as she sends the last text. Her son is scheming again, and it always ends with him getting hurt. And now it is worse than ever, because it isn't Cruella it isn't Zelena isn't Pan-

It is Regina's worst parts, torn painfully from her and hellbent on vengeance for a dead fiancé, a lost soulmate, a dead mother, attempts at murder- gods, there are so many things that th- woman can be angry about and Regina can do nothing. Her son is a target, her – Emma is imprisoned and the two idiots she loves could be killed any moment.

She paces and pushes at the bars and pulls at the leather cuff, but there is no solution, no key and no magic. All that happens, is that she ends up even more exhausted and leans against the bars for a moment, just a moment, she won't -

 _Silver, gleaming, perfect apart from the brown-red droplets sliding from it. A sharp pain in her chest, as though she has run several marathons. Hands erupting from the ground, fingers brushing her ankles as she pushes herself, pushes herself. Leaves falling, suddenly changing into blood that soaks her. Gliding on the blood that's everywhere, her hands chafing as they catch her. A hand in her hair, yanking her head up. Nails digging in the skin beneath her eyes, again and again until she opens them- they're in the trees, strung-up. Chests ripped open, blood and things she doesn't even want to think about going out of them. Daddy. The two idiots. Emma. Gods-_

""HENRY" she screams it so loud that Charming comes running in two seconds later, gun in hand and looking completely terrified. She is on the floor, against the wall and hyperventilating slightly. Charming drops the keys three times( trembling hands) before he manages to open the cell and –

She doesn't understand why she is in his arms and why he is shushing her and why she can't just push him away until she realizes what the sounds are and why her cheeks feel like that. Weak her mother's voice whispers in her head, but she accepts the embrace.

She can do that now.

* * *

Henry can't stand how much his mom hurts, everyone knows that

( what everyone doesn't know: he has noticed his mom has changed, and he can't stand that either. It's all these tiny things that make his mom mom and he loves her so much but it's not right, somehow)

His mom has to be happy, because he loves her and now that he is older he understands she has been hurt really badly. Been hurt by his family, and that's a little hard to stomach sometimes. He wants to write her a million happy endings , but he know he can't. That isn't right, either, it would be kind of like abusing his author powers.

So instead, he is running away in the middle of the night again and trying to not feel guilty as he gets to their meeting place. Even if all the other things have changed, the handwriting is the same so he knows it's her he is running to.

The meeting place gives that away, too.

He mutters "Hola, abuelo" and briefly rests his hand on the stone before pushing it aside, and going downstairs. He carefully descends , hand resting on where he keeps his author's pen, and allows himself to take one last deep breath before stepping into the room.

It's different. The potions and the beating hearts and the slight creepiness- it's all there, but there's also a certain hominess to the room now, because of the large couch and the soft lightning as well as some art pieces. And sitting on the couch, with a glass in her hand and another on the table next to it, is she.

" Henry" she smiles

He clutches his backpack a little tighter. "I am here, like you asked in the note"

He doesn't move away or anything, just studies her carefully, when she stands up and walks over to him. The glass vanishes, and she lays her hand on his cheek. " Mijo " she says, still smiling.

He pulls away, and glares at her. "What do you want?"

" I just want us to be a family" she waves her hand, and the room suddenly fills with the smell of hot chocolate, and there's the special cookies she only makes for very special occasions – except he has never seen this many before. His stomach grumbles loudly, but he doesn't stop glaring or even moves.

"I have a family"

The queen's eyes harden, and there's a moment he's clutching his author's pen and she is staring at him, until she chuckles " I am offering you a better one"

Henry crosses his arms " My family is great"

"I disagree"

" I don't care" he takes a step closer to her. "I just came here because you're hurting them and – "

" Your grandparents are obsessed with 'goodness', purity to the point where they would _ruin_ a little girl only to eradicate all evil from their daughter. Your other grandparent has attempted to hurt you, murdered and manipulated and ruined so many lives. Your mother- "

"They made mistakes, everyone does"

"You will not even call me mom"

" They haven't done anything bad in a while. You- " Henry's voice breaks, and he tries again. "You forced mom to kill him"

"Don't tell me you cared about the pirate"

"I didn't want him to die!"

Henry actually takes a step back at the look in her eyes. " He wanted you to die"

" He was the dark one" Henry whispers, even though he has wondered- Hook turned on them so suddenly and his mom- she choose him, even after he hurt Henry, like Henry didn't matt- but it wasn't like that.

" Emma was the dark one. And he was the dark one before he knew, and he was fine. But as soon as he knew- " she lets the words sink in for awful seconds, then adds "I did not want him around you, mijo"

She touches his chin , exactly like mom but also different. She's less gentle. " I do not want that germ-ridden, instable man around the thing I love most"

" You don't love"

"Did she tell you that?"

Henry doesn't bother lying. He has the idea that the queen can tells he is lying as easily as if she was just his mom, instead of the bad part ripped out of his mom. " She did"

" She was lying, mi corazón" she hesitates a moment, then says " We never stopped loving Daniel. And the moment they brought you in - "she is silent for a moment, looking like she's remembering something. He takes a step towards her without thinking, and she very slowly reaches for his hand. He doesn't move away.

"You were small, and so fragile. I remember being terrified that I would break you somehow " she slowly turns, and smiles at him. For some weird reason he is thinking to himself that there should be tears in her eyes. There aren't, but her smile is really soft and genuine. " I have wanted nothing as much as I wanted to hold you in my arms, and bring you home. So I did"

He has to keep reminding himself that she isn't his mom, that she is everything that made ten-year old him feel like his mom couldn't be his mom. It's just an act in the queen's case. Right? " My first memory is of your voice" he suddenly blurts out.

She stares at him. "What was I saying?"

He smiles at her, squeezes her hand. " Mi _corazón"_

"I started teaching you almost immediately"

" You used to read to me in Spanish" he remembers that as well. Asking her for another story, another por favor and her laugh. They made a game out of it, and she would ask him 'English or Spanish' and smile really brightly whenever he picked Spanish _._

Her eyes crinkle like his mom's. " I used to sing to you in Spanish"

He laughs without thinking. " I remember that"

"Arrorró mi niño, arrorró mi sol, arrorró pedazo, de mi corazón" she sings quietly. It sounds slightly off, her voice deeper and less- but it's still kind of like revisiting his childhood.

She's smiling so brightly that he forgets for a moment, and sings the next part. " Este niño lindo ya quiere dormir; háganle la cuna de rosa y yazmín"

" I discovered that one on the internet"

"Why didn't you use one of grandpa's ones?" he asks. Mom never talked much about her parents, but she has told him Spanish was her father's language, and he loved to sing. He even sang to the horses, and they sang for the apple tree together

" Mother never allowed him to sing me to sleep. She thought he was 'coddling' me, and that it would have some unfortunate effect"

"Oh " he really loved it when his mom sang for him. He missed it when it stopped, but he is really glad it was a thing in the first place. They're very good memories.

" Yes" they're both silent for a while, and he finally forces himself to stop being nice to her. He shouldn't be nice, and he shouldn't be talking about memories like that was _her._ She was the bad things, the lying and the fights and the mistakes. Right?

"Why did you want me to come?"

The queen lets him pull away from her, although she frowns briefly. " I want to know whether you have thought about my offer"

" Haven't been able to talk to Emma about it"

"It is your decision"

"It is our decision"

"I gave you time to discuss it"

" We were a little busy" he scowls

" Do not tell me you mourn that man. You never liked him"

" I actually did"

" You tolerated him, for Emma's sake" the glass appears in her hand again, and she sips it before vanishing it. " I have been there, too"

Henry stares at her " What do you mean?"

He tenses, clutching his pen, when the queen takes a step towards him. But she doesn't attack him, or try to take his pen or anything really. "Regina is weak. The part of me that I was ripped out off, is the gentle, _bright_ girl that believes in true love more than magic"

" So she is who mom should've been, if - " he doesn't know how to phrase it. If Cora had been less ambitious, if the king hadn't married her, if Daniel hadn't died-

" Yes, she is what your mother would have been, had all that loss and pain not happened to her. If it had not nicely been translated into rage"

" Doesn't mean she is weak. My mom- my _moms_ \- are the strongest people I know"

"Regina is weak, because she wants something desperately but she will not fight for it"

" What are you talking about?" Henry really doesn't understand.

The queen smirks. " Your mother is desperately, hopelessly, stupidly in love with Emma Swan"

Henry's brain screeches to a halt. It's not that it is impossible, or weird, or even that he has never thought about it, it's just-

" For how long?"

The queen thinks for maybe a minute. "It is difficult to say, as it was this graduate change. Obviously, we were immediately attracted to her- "

"I really don't need to hear about that, thanks"

"I believe our feelings changed after the turnover accident "she looks at Henry. " She fought so hard for you. And she was nothing like her parents in that moment, as she would have sacrificed every person in this town for you"

" She's the saviour. She wouldn't "

The queen chuckles. " She might be willing to sacrifice herself for the town, but she would never risk you" all mirth vanishes suddenly" You were on the bed, pale and unbreathing and when she attacked me- " Henry is pretty sure that it is admiration that he sees, and it is one of the most terrifying things ever "I saw there were no limits to what she would do to save you"

" She went to Hell for Hook"

"Not the Hell. The Underworld" the queen corrects

" So? She still did _that_ for him. And she took on the darkness for mom. It's what she is like. She is good, she is a hero"

" There is no good, and there is no evil. Regina might have wanted to protect you from this truth, but I _don't_ "

Henry meets her eyes unflinchingly, even stares her down. "There are no heroes, mijo, and there are no villains. Just people who make selfish choices, and are judged for their humanity"

" My grandparents are heroes. My moms are- "

The queen grabs his hand when he tries to get his pen out. " And what would you do, Henry, if I had given you the choice that I gave Regina?"

He swallows. " I would not have squeezed the heart"

" You would still be a murderer"

" No, I- "

" And you are a liar" the queen chuckles. " A bad one. You would have never been able to allow Emma to die"

He glares at her, and she gives him a look. It's the look his mom usually reserves for when she thinks he is being particularly difficult. " So you see, mi cielo, you are like me. And I am like everyone else. And Regina might want to keep that difficult, painful truth from you and allow you to happily live in ignorance but I _disagree_ "

He doesn't say anything, mostly because he guesses she is like his mom, and she hates it when he does that. He keeps it up for a long time, until he is starting to fidget slightly and the queen is starting to look less and less like his mom and more and more like the scary stranger in the storybook.

" So that's why I am here? So you can try to turn me into a monster as well?"

" You will not speak to me that way"

"You're trying to hurt my family!"

" I _am_ your family" the queen says. " I was there your whole life, I _raised_ you. And because I was not good enough, you decided to run away from home and bring back a new, improved model- "

The hatred is expected, but he is stunned by the rest. The queen makes the same face his mom does when she is hurt, and trying to hide it ( she has gotten worse at hiding it ) " I thought you said you loved Emma" he says. " If you love her, why do you sound like you hate her?"

The queen shakes her head. "I do not despise her"

" Does mom still love her?"

The queen makes a derisive sound. " I could burry your mother's heart somewhere on the North Pole, and the moron would still love Emma"

" You don't understand that"

The queen doesn't really answer. " Emma Swan is.. quite something" is all she says, like it all makes sense. It doesn't , because she isn't supposed to love anyone but she kind of _seems_ like she loves Emma but she wouldn't hurt Emma like this if she loved her-

" Do you love her?"

The queen laughs. "I want to strangle her pretty neck" he is already reacting to the threat before she has finished, but he suddenly freezes. Literally. The queen has betrayed him again, and all his muscles suddenly burn slightly and stop doing what he wants them to do. " Tranquilízate, mijo. I am the part of your mother that does not love, si?"

He can still talk, thankfully. " You said you loved me"

" I do love you" the queen just says, even though Henry still doesn't understand. He wants to ask her why she is hurting them then, and whether she can love at all, and why mom said she couldn't, and how come she hurt anyone if she loves? But she doesn't let him ask the questions, she just keeps talking.

"I know exactly when we started to love you. You were carried into the room, and they put you in my arms. That was all it took for us to love you. And we never stopped"

" And Emma?" he asks, because he knows how much his mom loves him. He knows she has loved him for a long time, and there isn't anything that will stop it. But she hardly even admits she loves Emma as a friend.

" Emma was more complicated. As I told you, Regina's feelings started to change after she fought for you, and saved you. I do not think of either can pinpoint the exact moment"

" Is that why you want to take us? Because we matter to mom?"

" You matter to me as well"

She snaps her fingers, and Henry stumbles when he suddenly can move again. He stares at her in confusion. " What- "

His stomach jolts in a way he didn't even know it could and all the oxygen gets stuck or turns poisonous. The queen is holding two hearts, and he feels himself start to sweat, his heart beating in a way that hurts.

" No, you can't !" he tries to grab them, but both of them start to float and he can't get to them. The queen watches them with a small smile.

" We can test whether you are a liar"

"NO" he screams

" Or- " there's smoke and his hear clenches painfully as his mom appears, looking like he has never seen her before. _She looks small_ he thinks for a moment, which is so wrong that he is relieved when she lifts her head and glares at the queen. She is struggling to stand, in the middle of a _really_ foul curse, when her heart drops,

And lands in the queen's hand. " Do not move, and do not speak" she commands, and stares at Henry challenging.

She shows him the heart. "What will it be, Henry? Will you do it yourself, or will you help me break your mother? "

He shakes his head. " N-no" he stammers

The heart is warm, and not sticky at all. The queen's hand is on top of it, after placing it in his hand. She is still holding mom's, and he has never hated anything or anyone like this.

" The choice is yours. You leave with me, and I will only kill your grandparents. You stay, and I will do a lot more damage"

"Fine! Fine, I will leave " he blurts out, blinking rapidly. He tastes blood , and there are five seconds where the queen keeps the heart in his hand, and then she slowly pulls back. He is just sighing in relief when the heart vanishes again, and reappears in her hand.

"There is just one more thing" the queen says, looking at the heart. " I cannot kill Regina, because her death will mean I die as well. I haven't quite solved that conundrum yet"

Henry shakes his head. He can't even talk -not because of magic or his throat closing up, just because he _can't._ The queen smiles at him, and he almost pulls an Emma and punches her. He stares at her as she brings the heart to her lips, at the same time pushing the heart in Regina's hand.

"Squeeze it"

His mom shakes furiously, her hand trembling and there's spasm and tears and fear and he is screaming at the queen in the middle of it- and then his mom cries out and the heart is squeezed to dust. She mutters something, and she is really crying now.

Henry hugs her really tightly, and only lets go when there are vines bursting through the floor and pulling him back with a lot of force. Before he can even cry out, the queen is summoning and squeezing another heart and his mom is released and trying not to sob.

" For disobeying me " the queen says, wiping the dust from her fingers. Henry tries to pull free from the vines, and curses at her furiously. He throws every damn swear word he has ever heard a classmate say, anything his mom mutters under her breath when she thinks he doesn't hear her, everything Leroy has accidentally said around him.

The queen purses her lips and Regina shakes her head , crying " No, not Henry, leave him- " amidst sobs before she is gone and her heart is too. Henry's still fighting the vines but they're so strong and he can feel his muscles starting to protest. He can hardly see the queen approach.

She wipes away the tears "Do not cry" she commands

" I alr- I al- I already _promised_ " he chokes out

"And I will only kill as many people as I need to have Regina lose everything she has built"

"No, you can't kill _anyone_ , you can't "he cries, but she ignores him. And then it gets worse, it actually gets _worse._ Emma is there, in Snow's clothing and wrapped in a blanket. He screams again.

"You said you loved her!"

" I will not hurt her" the queen says, walking over to a cauldron Henry didn't notice ( how could he have missed it?) and dropping a small bottle in it. She grabs something else, something with hairs and long legs and many eyes-dozen of them.

" You are lying" Henry accuses, throwing his entire body against the vines, biting them, kicking, screaming, scratching, cursing. Pants, stops, and starts again. Repeat.

"No. Regina will hurt her"

" What? No, you don't hurt my mom more, you don't make her do that !" he yells.

" What is my specialty, Henry?"

" Lasagna? "he supplies, hopefully. It would be amazing if the queen suddenly was like 'I am making lasagna, and I never let you help because one of my secret ingredients is odd spider things'. Of course, that would mean he had been eating – yeah, he would still be jumping with joy if something like that was the answer

"Curses. Specifically, curses that allow me to change someone's memories"

" You're- but- you're going to change Emma's memories?"

" I am going to change memories, yes" she finishes adding things to the cauldron, and he finally stops fighting the vines when she turns to him. He presses back, heart hammering

"I just need one more ingredient"

 **I hope you enjoyed the chapter : )**

 _No sé : I don't know_

 _La reina es la pieza más fuerte: the queen is the strongest piece_

 _" La reina es fuerte, porque su principito la quiere"; the queen is strong because her Little prince loves her_

Arrorró mi niño, arrorró mi sol, arrorró pedazo, de mi corazón: hush-a-bye my baby, hush-a-bye my sun, hush-a-bye oh piece of my heart

Este niño lindo ya quiere dormir; háganle la cuna de rosa y yazmín : this pretty child wants to sleep already , make him a cradle of rose and jasmine


	14. Chapter 14

**I don't own OUAT .I hope you enjoy : )  
**

He wakes up, and there's nothing.

He grabbles for his name, and he isn't sure. He stares at the kind woman with the worried eyes, the man with blue eyes who is crying and then- he knows the woman in the cell. He looks at her, and there is something confusing about the way he's so sure she matters but he can't even recall her name.

The man slowly approaches him, and he shies away. He seems cool, and trustworthy but his mom- _Wait. I had a mother, right? I have –_ " ¿Dónde está mami?" he asks. He thinks it's Spanish. Who taught him Spanish? He is struggling to remember, and there's an intense pain behind his eyes (like looking at the sun accidentally). He's struggling to remember, and his entire body starts to shake.

"Mami?" he repeats, looking around wildly. The woman in front of him, the one that looks vaguely familiar the way people you pass in hallways at school every day do, presses her hand to her mouth. She grabs the man's hand, and he leans into her while holding on to her hand almost too tightly. He can't breathe, he can't _breathe_ , he wants his mother, he _needs_ them, them, them-

" Where are they?" he cries, not even knowing what he's talking about, just knowing there is a them that he is worried about and a them that need to be here but they're not and he is alone and he doesn't know who he is, there's names in his head but he doesn't know who he is and what happened and what is going to happen and where is his family is , surely he has a family-

"We're here, Henry, we're here" the woman suddenly says, trying to grab his hand. He flinches, and tries to move away from her. His lungs are burning even more now, and he is glancing around wildly, trying to see anything he recognizes. There's a desk and a cell and a half-eaten grilled cheese ( he smiles- why?) and then his eyes finally fall on a red jacket, and he is standing up and running towards it without really knowing why.

He grabs it, pushes it against himself and finally stops shaking. He looks at the man and woman who are still staring at him. " Who does this belong to ? " _Is Spanish my first language? Is English? Did the same person teach it to me ?_

The woman swallows several times before giving him a teary-eyed smile. "Your mother"

"My mother doesn't wear jackets like this "he states it with absolute certainty, but he doesn't remember. And it feels wrong. Like maybe she didn't just wear this jacket, but it meant a lot to her. " I think she wears designer stuff. I think I helped her pick some things out- did I?" he starts out sounding so sure, but he doesn't _know._ It feels right, the idea that his mom would wear suits and pants that cost a fortune and always looks immaculate. It feels dumb, the idea that his mom wouldn't have mayo on her shirt, that she would rather spend that much money on clothes instead of stuff they like ( like his game console) and that she would ever look like some sort of official.

" She does"

"Well, one of – "

He stares at the both of them, and now he starts shaking again and he has to clutch the jacket really tightly to feel like he might be okay. But before he can demand answers, before he can ask whether his name is Daniel or Henry, before he can ask whether his mom has brown hair or blonde –

The door is thrown open, and everything gets more confusing.

He knows the woman that strides in. She feels too familiar for him to not know. She has blonde hair that is curled, and has the sheriff star pinned to her jeans. The way she strides forward, kind of cocky, is also really familiar and he almost goes to her. Then she opens her mouth and does something totally unexpected

"What the HELL , David?" she basically yells, glaring at the man who is apparently called 'David'. He thinks that doesn't sound right either, but he isn't sure. The woman swaggers over to David, and takes keys from him, before she strides over to the cell. The woman inside stumbles back, slowly glancing up at the woman.

" Emma- "

The sheriff (Emma?) smiles almost shyly at her. That seems uncharacteristic, although he doesn't - he isn't sure. " Hey"

And before he can pin down why the shy smile would be uncharacteristic, why all of this feels kind of weird but he is also absurdly happy – Emma leans in and cups the woman's cheeks. He hears David and the other woman gasp loudly and then-

Emma smiles very brightly, mutters another 'hey' and kisses the familiar stranger. He feels his cheeks flush, but he doesn't look away when Emma brushes her lips very softly against the woman, and squeezes her bicep for a moment before pulling back slowly and glaring at David.

" I told you to back off my girlfriend"

And there's an explosion.

* * *

He ends up in a strangely familiar house – did he babysit that boy, the one in Snow's arms?- with a cup of hot chocolate cradled into his hands, two people freaking out and a prisoner seated next to him and sneaking glances at him.

And then there is Emma, who sits really close to Regina with her legs apart and her arm casually leaning on the head seat of Regina's chair, giving her space but at the same time making it clear that she's there. Also, she is totally being passive-aggressive, which he vaguely remembers his mom disliking even it made her roll her eyes totally fondly.

Yeah, he doesn't know what that is all about.

He doesn't know what anything is about, why Snow keeps sniffling and looking at Emma and Regina like she isn't going to jump up and hug them any moment or why David is alternating between smiling tearfully or staring at Regina with this look. And then there's Regina herself, tense and incredibly comfortable at the same time. She keeps looking at Emma like it hurts, like every moment is as much wanted as it is hated and he doesn't even know how he can recognize the look she gets when she is overwhelmed.

" Emma- " Snow sighs, and shares a look with David. He has the impression the two of them do this a lot. Just sharing looks, and thoughts and deciding the most important stuff together.

"Listen, I don't know what's going on but I thought you guys were doing okay"

"What?"

"Come on MM, you know- "

And now the woman's voice is actually breaking and Henry kind of want to hug Snow but she still so much a stranger to him that he just sits there and watches the train wreck. "MM?"

" Yeah, I- " Emma blinks rapidly, seemingly very confused.

" Emma" it is Regina who speaks, seemingly the calmest person in the room ( she isn't. she's just a lot better at hiding it, but Henry somehow knows her tells) " What year is it?"

She states the date, apparently correctly because Regina just nods and doesn't seem perturbed at all. "And where are we?"

" In Storybrooke, Maine"

There are a few more questions like that, hardly significant ones that do little. Once, Regina asks Emma to state her relationship to everyone in the room and Snow actually stands up and walks away. David follows her, and the three of them are left together. Henry starts fidgeting and Regina is obviously trying to keep herself from staring but failing miserably. And Emma immediately smiles at Regina, squeezes her hand briefly.

It could almost be nice- apart from the confusion and the lies and the awkwardness- when Emma suddenly says 'shit Regina, I thought she was doing better' and Regina inhales sharply before plastering on an uncertain smile. " What do you mean, mi- dear?"

" I thought she was finally letting the fairytale stuff go"

Is he the only one who noticed Regina almost blurted something out, and changed her reply at the very last minute? " The fairytale- "

" Yeah. I mean, she stopped calling me like a dozen times a day to ascertain you hadn't poisoned me yet, and I haven't seen her freak out in a while so- "

"Emma- "

Emma swallows, and he recognizes that Regina feels guilty and horrified somehow ( she's pretty good at hiding emotions, but he just _knows_ ). He catches the movement of Regina's hand, like she was about to touch Emma for comfort maybe. "I just- she was even agreeing to dinners and stuff, you know ? She even complimented your turnovers!"

He doesn't know why his – Regina ( she isn't anything to him, right? Who is she?) almost flinches. He feels like he should do, like there's something important about apple turnovers. Wait, they never said they were ap-

"I know, carina " Regina seems surprised by the soft, sweet carina that slips out. Emma just smiles at her like she is the world and the sun and the universe.

"Should we ask Archie for help again?" Emma shakes her head. "I mean, I hate it. It sucks, but she needs help"

"Perhaps we do not require doctor Hopper's help"

Emma laughs. "What, babe? Did Archie piss you off? "

" No, why – _babe_?" he almost giggles at the look on her face.

Emma frowns slightly, and then cocks her head slightly. " Why are you so – "

Right at that moment, Snow and Charming return. Snow's eyes are slightly red, and he is pretty sure there are still tears on Charming's cheek but they smile at Emma and Regina before sitting down. Like it's all normal. He doesn't think it is – but then again, he doesn't _know_ what is normal for these people.

"Seriously, what is going on here?" Emma buts in, glancing at all of them.

" Nothing, sweetheart" Snow says, trying very hard to smile. He can tell she is trying to act as normal as possible, but instead she makes everyone vaguely uncomfortable.

"Okay. So you're just randomly calling me sweetheart now?"

Snow's smile gets even more strained. "I call everyone sweetheart" she looks at Regina. " Isn't that right, sweetheart?"

Regina just stared at Snow. Henry wasn't an legilimency master, but he was pretty sure she was thinking something along the lines ' _¡qué demonios!'_ in her mind. He didn't really know why he thought it would be in Spanish.

" Uhm okay " obviously Emma doesn't believe it ( duh. She isn't stupid- he doesn't know how he knows she isn't) but she doesn't press. There's a very heavy silence until he asks 'why do I not remember?'

Everyone stares at him. He doesn't like it, it's too – "I am not crazy " he blurts out, squeezing his fists and his heart racing and it's so important for some reason.

Regina swallows. " Of course you aren't , mijo "

" Why do you call me that?" he whispers

They're keeping something from him. Something big. Something that will make him stop being so scared. " I – " Regina falters, and Emma immediately scoots closer to her, angling her body differently in a move so obviously unconscious that it hurts to watch. For some reason, it makes him want to smile really brightly- the idea that protecting Regina has become an unconscious instinct for Emma an awesome one.

Regina calms down slightly, then smiles at him. " Because that is who you are, mijo "

"I am – "

" You are my son. Te amo, mijo"

He stares at her. He knows she isn't lying and it isn't that she is a crazy person who just thinks he is her son. But he tries to remember first words or first steps or going to school and she isn't there. He tries to remember, he tries until his eyes start to burn and his head starts to hurt so badly and –

She is in front of him in seconds, and he knows why she is hesitating. She doesn't know whether he is okay with her hugging him, and it only takes a small sign that it's okay, it's what might calm him down and then she is. He grabs her tightly, almost remembering.

But it's wrong because he remembers her running from this house and gathering him in her arms and him only pushing, always pushing, never accepting she loved him. And that can't be right. He only remembers the very bare minimum, but it's enough to be a thousand a million percent sure his mom loves him, so much –

and they were really close-

so why would he ever push her away?

* * *

It's that evening that things gets worse.

Regina is sitting on her bed, waiting for Emma with bricks sinking into her stomach. She will have to push the woman away because it is so incredibly wrong to hold on as tightly as she wants to. Accepting Emma's touches and smiles and even ki- all of that is only because of false memories, and Regina knows to accept them would be an unforgivable offense.

Still, it doesn't change how much she wants to. How she has foolishly wanted it for years, even though she tried to fight it. How she is so weak and wrong that she cannot even be happy with Emma's friendship – already far more than she deserves – but just has to want more.

And then there's Henry- but she can't think of that. It hurts too much. It took them years to get to this place, to rebuild their relationship until even seeing her when she was a _monster_ apparently won't deter her son from loving her and –

She stifles a sob. She pushes her hand against her mouth, trying to think off all the tricks she taught herself to keep Cora from ever discovering her daughter crying again, after that time. She used to be able to push her emotions down, but that seems to have disappeared. She is an exposed nerve and an open book and it terrifies her.

And right when she is really starting to break down, that's when there's purple smoke and that hated voice.

" How far you've sunk" she's laughing.

She glares up at her own – and yet not, harsher and colder- face. " What do you want?"

The queen shrugs, summoning a chair and a glass of cider with a casual gesture. She sits down and sips her cider. " If I want anything, I do not _blabber_ about it, I just take it"

" Emma is _not_ something you just take"

The queen slowly stands, and stalks towards Regina. " She might be special, but that does not change the fact that she is ours to take and the only reason you are miserable is because you are _weak_ -

Regina jumps to her feet. " Do _not_ treat Emma like she is just another conquest"

" What do you think she is then?" the queen laughs " Are you picturing a perfect happily ever after, with the little snitch crying and holding a speech about rainbow stickers and unicorns? Perhaps _Charming_ walking you down the aisle?"

" No "

"Of course not, because that would imply you would actually stop wallowing in self-pity and stop being so _passive_ "

"We do not deserve her"

" But I thought you were the _good and pure_ one, that by ripping me out you were finally deserving of the fair princess" the queen mocks, getting so close to Regina that she can see that bulging vein.

" I- " _that isn't why I did it. I –_ " I no longer wanted to fight you"

" You were there as well "the queen lowers her voice, like she is sharing a sinful bit of gossip " You enjoyed finally ending that lecherous fool along with me. You despised Snow's perfect curls and the masses screaming her name like she was a _maldito_ saint just as much as I did. It was you as much as I that commanded her heart to be brought to you"

Regina gasps when the queen suddenly grabs one of her hands. " Your hands have gotten as bloody as mine"

She tries to get free. " I just wanted to be free, I just – " she looks at the queen, suddenly nauseous "I never wanted to hurt people, _you_ pushed me- "

" _I_ saved you"

Regina shakes her head, but the queen grabs her chin and yanks her even closer. " I made you strong. I offered you shelter from the king, and Snow. When Daniel's loss threatened to destroy you, I was there to prop you up and turn all that pain into a weapon"

"You made me hurt hundreds of people. _Innocents_ "

" Was Jefferson innocent? Was _Leopold_?"

" I- "

" Why can you love Cora, and hate yourself? "

"I am not _you_ \- "

"But you are. You are not just a sweet girl who dreams of true love and wants to be a hero. You are a queen who would torture and kill for love as well. I may no longer be a part of you , but I am you. And until you accept that, you will never be happy"

The queen disappears, at the exact moment the door opens and Emma walks inside the room. She knows Regina so well that she immediately crosses the room and carefully touches her, not saying anything, no stupid words that _don't mean anything_ and Regina is a weak human being and even hates the best parts of her ( this part) when she allows Emma to hug her and hold on.

Gods, does she hold on. Regina never wants to let go. She meant to throw out the part of her that's selfish, that takes and ruins and still, here she is. Holding on to Emma Swan even though it is unfair and wrong. She just can't – love is weakness and it's an addictive, wonderful weakness Regina has never managed to get rid of.

She definitely isn't going to manage now, when the part of her that tried to reject love most strongly is somewhere out there, and Emma Swan is in her bed, empathic and strong and looking at her with the most tempting expression that almost makes believing it's all real easy.

That they're in love, and it's hard but it is all _worth_ it- they have their son and their little odd family and it's difficult and complicated and painful but so, _so_ good.

Too bad they're not in love ( and even if they were – Regina could never be good enough for the likes of Emma Swan)

 _Weeks later_

"NO " she screams, her magic removing to all the anger and pain and terror with bursts of lights, winds, pushing and pulling and shattering the vials everywhere and setting everything flammable in the room on fire.

She just laughs, and strokes Emma's cheek. Regina screams again when the sword digs in a little deeper, creating a horrifying injury that stains Emma's usual tank top a bright red. Her mind immediately adds the injury is not lethal, and then traitorously adds 'not yet'.

" No, d-don't – " she is hyperventilating now, taking deep gulps but there is _no_ air. She ignores everything her body is going through, and focuses on Emma. She has a few minor injuries, and her hands and feet are bound with usual rope as well as magic. She is surrounded by shattered vials, pieces of bricks and other debris caused by Regina's magic ( the same that automatically sheltered her every time it erupted)

She strains against her own bounds again, but her magic is useless. It's going crazy around the room, although it never hurts anyone, but it barely reacts whenever she actually tries to _steer_ it. It's almost like she a novice again, straining to create a simple fireball.

At the same time, her magic is actually rocking the building, tearing through the walls ( the queen is just as quick to repair them) and creating an actual full-on storm that looks like someone really, _really_ pissed off Zeus. It's a nice little paradox and usually she would be trying to figure out the reason, but she is a little preoccupied.

She struggles against the queen's magic ( and actual restraints ) again, and the queen just smirks. " You love - "

" Emma? Not quite. _You_ got saddled with all those pesky weaknesses, my dear"

 _She's lying._ The queen's love might be twisted into something ugly, something very selfish, but Regina is quite certain she still has strong feelings for Emma. She wouldn't – " You would not harm her"

"I already have"

Regina curses furiously in Spanish, and then releases a bolt of magic energy that separates and attacks the queen from three points. She counters two of them, but the third one slams into her shoulder and makes her fall to the ground. She immediately pushes herself up and grits out " Your little princess will be a fun toy, if you do not give in to my demands"

Regina mutters curses at her, foul ones that she would be embarrassed and horrified by if she was not so enraged. " In fact, I do wonder…" the queen circles Emma, stalking around her " How long would it take to break the saviour?"

She knows Emma is unconscious, that the queen used dark magic that is not dissimilar to a sleeping curse and that she will not recall anything- still, when the queen grabs a shard of glass from the ground, and casually uses it to slice Emma's stomach open and Emma's body jerks-

Regina starts hyperventilating again, and all Cora's speeches replaying in her head aren't enough to stop the tears. Shivers erupt everywhere, and bile creeps from her stomach into her throat, when she hears the familiar hisses. Vipers. The same ones that killed Leopo-

She tastes blood when she buries her teeth into her lips to keep herself from begging. It would never stop the queen, it wouldn't be enough. Still, she almost screams a dozen pleas when the vipers twist around Emma's legs, rear their heads, venom dripping –

They're ripped away violently, Regina's magic ripping off their heads like it's easy and charring their bodies. Regina flinches when the heads fall on the floor, lifeless eyes too close to her feet. She is panting, her mouth tastes of vomit so acutely she really thinks she has thrown up for a moment. She glares at the queen.

They're locked in an intense stare-down for minutes, the spell only broken when the queen suddenly snaps her fingers-

And Emma starts to _scream._

Regina reminds herself again and again Emma isn't even conscious, it's some sort of trick, but she is crying and bucking and releasing uncontrollable bursts of magic regardless and then somehow ends up on her knees.

" I will punish you if you deny me any longer. Do you want them to lose their lives?" the queen almost makes the sadness seem genuine. " What will poor Snow say when she enters her home, and finds Grumpy on her table with his axe planted in his chest? What will she do if she finds her little cricket with his tongue ripped out?"

The queen leans in, caresses her cheek. " Henry will be devastated if he discovers his little girlfriend is gone – "

" Don't you _dare_ do to Henry what was done to us"

" Then give me what I _want_ " the queen growls.

 _Would she hurt Henry like that?_ The queen isn't part of her anymore. But she remembers – remembers wanting someone that could relate, understand so badly. She remembers wanting Henry's love so badly she lost all common sense.

She watches the queen stalk towards Emma, her hand raised with purple smoke already enveloping the room ( it's a summoning spell) and then she is shouting. The queen turns around, eyebrow arched and the smoke slowly vanishes. The body disappears again, the person she brought here presumably returned to their bed.

Regina blinks, twice, and it's that little movement that dooms them all. She hangs her head and doesn't even flinch away when the queen caresses her cheek again, presses a kiss to her cheek before whispering 'good girl'. She moves away after another touch, strides over to Emma and injects the serum into Emma.

She thrashes, convulses and all her veins swell. Then she starts crying, screaming, her eyes rolling beneath her partially closed eyelids. There's sweat, staining her tank top, sliding down her neck, plastering her hair to her skin. It's like she is trying to break her own spine in half, and then there is suddenly a person separating from her.

Emma – but _not_ Emma, with bleached hair and very intense clothing and this empty look – steps forward, and allows the queen to wrap her arms around her. The queen clutches her hips possessively, and Emma's ( the dark one's?) hands grab the queen. They disappear, grey and purple smoke mingling.

Regina crumples to the ground, and starts to crawl towards Emma.

 **Okay, so I am exhausted and going to sleep right now. I didn't really edit this, so I apologize for all spelling mistakes and so on.**


End file.
